


Caught, Caged and Collared

by Maisie_top_trash



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Bisexual!Josh, Disability, F/M, M/M, Most importantly though, Ngl predictable as hell, Paraplegia, Recovery, Spinal Chord Injury, TW - suicidal thoughts, some other stuff too, wheelchair
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-17 03:57:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 75,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11267457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: A fic to shamelessly satisfy my own personal high school wheelchair AU desires...A horrific car accident leaves Tyler with life changing injuries, however they don't change every aspect of his life. His friendship with Josh is as reliable as the sun rising each morning, and it's gonna take more than a wheelchair to split them apart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer - I'm not an expert and 100% of my medical knowledge comes from Google, so this story may contain inaccuracies

Tyler and Josh had been best friend since the first day of elementary school, all through middle school and all through high school so far. They'd never had the seemingly cliche changes in their friendship that came with growing up, never drifted apart, never argued for more than 5 minutes. No matter what, they had always been best friends, and Tyler liked to tell himself that they always would be.

There had been a lot of changes since they first met as snotty 4 year olds who spent all day running around in circles for hours fuelled by suckers before collapsing on the mats for nap time. The most prominent difference was Tyler couldn't run anymore, couldn't even stand unsupported anymore. A rollover on interstate 670 2 years ago had broken Zack's arm, bruised Maddy's ribs and severed Tyler's spine.

A T-4 complete spinal injury had transformed Tyler's life but their relationship stayed the same. Sure, not being able to feel, let alone move, below his nipple line had certain complications, but not for a moment did it ever change things between them. If Tyler was having a rough or tough or upset or frustrating day then Josh was quick to come round with a video game and a pizza, and if Josh was having one of those days where he was feeling upset on Tyler's behalf then Tyler would sass him out of his pity. They were exactly the type of friend the other needed.

"And then I swear, no lie, Zack spat this water all the way from the edge of the door right across to the other end of the table."  
"Oh Zack..." Josh sighed through his laughter, tears in his eyes as they made their way down the school hall.  
"Ah God, Mom was absolutely furious but it was the funniest thing I've seen in a looong time."  
"Sounds like it." He smiled. "Alrighty I'm going this way but I'll catch you at lunch?"  
"Yep course, see you later."  
"Bye." Josh waved at his best friend and dived down a corridor that Tyler didn't follow him down. Instead Tyler continued the route he was already going, making the most of the way people avoided him and moving much quicker than Josh could walk.

Pre-accident the whole campus was Tyler's stomping ground, however thanks to some thoughtless architects and a bunch of unnecessary steps, he was pretty much confined to one corridor. It meant he had to attend special ed classes but honestly they weren't that bad, and the atmosphere was so much kinder and more relaxed. Not having classes with Josh did kind of suck because he couldn't be there for drama or bitch over what happened in them like they used to, however having separate classes did mean there was twice as much gossip.

"Hey! Tyler!" Someone called from behind him, so he grabbed onto his rims with his gloves to slow himself down, then turned to see Sarah waving after him.  
"Hey,"  
"Hi, I was just gonna ask whether you're gonna buy winter formal tickets? We've almost sold out." Brendon's girlfriend, who was on the committee, asked.  
"Nah, dancing ain't exactly my thing." He gestured to his chair.  
"Oh god, of course, god I'm so sorry, that was so thoughtless, I'm so sorry," she immediately began profusely apologising wth a look of both embarrassment and horror spreading across her face. Tyler just sat back and smiled, waiting for her to finish.  
"Sssaaaarrraahhhh," he sang playfully.  
"Sorry,"  
"You said that already. Honest, it's alright, alright?"  
"Alright." She nodded shyly.  
"I'm gonna head to class, but good luck with those last tickets and if there's anything I can do to help them let me know."  
"I will, thank you Ty." Sarah smiled but they both knew that nobody turned to a paraplegic kid for help. "I'll see you round?"  
"Not if I see you first." Tyler laughed, then span back in the right direction again and pushed the final few strokes before he reached his classroom.

There were only a couple of kids with whom he shared a room with, each with either a severe learning disability or physical disability, and each with a heart of gold. That particular period he was in the same room as Jacob, a junior with bright ginger hair and the only other kid who needed a chair in the whole school. Tyler caught sight of it as soon as he wheeled himself in, and wasn't surprised to see that Jacob had moved himself into a normal wooden chair and one of the teachers had stored his wheelchair at the back.

The pair often joked how Tyler was the more hardcore cripple since he had next to no trunk control and therefore struggled to sit up independently. At home he had a special positioning device to help him out - essentially an X-shaped harness across his chest that strapped him to the back of the chair he wanted to sit on - but he preferred not to use it in school. Instead he stayed in his wheelchair, called Susan, which was installed with lateral trunk supports that curved partially around his ribs on either side and kept him snug.

Tyler liked being snug, liked feeling completely secure in his motor aide. He had far more straps than needed, one across his hips and one across his thighs and one across his shins, plus a padded belt behind his calves and footfast ankle stabilisers keeping his feet strapped to the foot plate. Basically if he could tie himself down somewhere then he did. After all if he was contained to the device for 18 hours a day then he wanted to feel as connected to it as possible, feel as if it was a part of him, feel as if it was a continuation of his body - not that he could actually feel any of it.

 

 

  
The perks of the student body being far beneath the school's capacity was that there was never a desperate frenzy to get a good table at the canteen, and Josh casually wandered over to their usual spot in the corner. He was the first to arrive and threw his jacket down then did his usual job of picking up one of the seats and moving it over to another table so that Tyler would have a space. Josh sat down in the seat next to the gap and pulled out his phone and began scrolling through Twitter aimlessly.

"Joshie booooyyyy," he heard a familiar shriek from behind him, and looked over his shoulder and made happy eye contact with Brendon and the boys.  
"Hey guys," he stood up and slapped his extended hand, then Patrick and Spencer and Pete's too. They all settled down into seats and made themselves comfortable.

"Where's Sarah?"  
"Over there." Josh pointed to a table of girls on the opposite side of the canteen.  
"Why does she never sit with me?" Brendon sulked.  
"Cos she doesn't love you." Pete teased playfully and Brendon responded with an unapologetic middle finger that made Josh laugh.

"Speaking of being unloved, soooomebody stood me up last night." Patrick dramatically glared at Pete lightheartedly.  
"Hey! It's not my fault my car broke down!"  
"Dude that deathtrap has been spitting blue smoke for the past decade, we all knew it was gonna break down at some point." Spencer smiled.  
"It's not a deathtrap, it's a lovingly created hand built treasure that I've devoted my life's work too."  
"Deathtrap." Josh agreed with Spencer and Pete joined Brendon in sulking.

"Howdy." Tyler greeted the group, wheeling up to the gap and slotting in nicely.  
"Ty, quick fire, 1 word to describe Pete's ride." Patrick immediately asked.  
"Depends, is deathtrap one or two?"  
"I hate you all." Pete complained, sinking in his chair and crossing his arms across his chest as his boyfriend laughed then fondly reached across and played with his hair.

"I'm staaarving, who's doing the honour today?" Tyler asked.  
"That would be me." Brendon replied, raising his hand a little. Tyler twisted the top of his body, the only mobile section, and reached to take his bag off the handles where it had been hanging. He brought it onto his lap, opening it and quickly taking out a handful of coins from a wallet then putting them on the table. Whilst he returned his bag to its place, Josh picked up the lunch money for him and passed it over the table to Brendon.

"Whatcha after?"  
"Something full of saturated fat and salt." Tyler answered but Josh disapproved.  
"Oh yeah, just what the doctor ordered. Bren get him something nutritious, he's supposed to be on his best behaviour at the moment."  
"Who are you? His mother?" He laughed. "Greasiest filthiest baconiest thing imaginable coming right up."  
"Wait a sec, I'll come too."  
"And me," Spencer stood up alongside Pete, leaving only Patrick, Josh and Tyler at the table. The gaggle of boys walked over to the service hatch which was selfishly up a couple of steps, and would soon return with food for each of them plus Ty. Josh and Patrick on the other hand both pulled out brown paper bags of home packed lunches and began sifting through them.

"So tired." Tyler yawned.  
"How did you sleep last night?"  
"Eh, not great, not awful. Mom was out with Sally seeing some jazz performance thingy, so Dad had to help me with my routine and honestly I think a blind hedgehog would have done a better job."  
"A blind hedgehog, hmm," Patrick leant back in his chair and contemplated the image.  
"Did you know that all hedgehogs are born blind and deaf and continue to be so for the first 32 days of their life." Josh enlightened his friends.  
"You know that and yet in math you couldn't remember how many degrees are in a triangle." Patrick laughed and Tyler joined in, which honestly wasn't too harsh because Josh always had been more of a fan of the weird opposed to the useful facts in life. Not that triangular angles were particular useful.

"Wanna know another one?"  
"Fire away." Tyler nodded.  
"In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting."  
"What??" He laughed.  
"I saw one on Twitter earlier that I thought you'd like, one sec." Patrick said as he pulled out his phone and tried to find it again. "Ah here it is, the three-toed sloth sleeps up to 20 hours a day and is so sedentary algae grows on its back."  
"Me."  
"Ty how exactly is that you? You sleep for like 1 hour..."  
"True, but I reckon if I tried hard enough then I could grow a nice little algae patch right about here." He pointed to his lap and Josh laughed.

 

 

  
Josh went to Tyler's after school every single day. It was mostly because Tyler's parents had put him on the insurance for their van so that he could drive Tyler (and Zack) to and from school each day, but also because they really really enjoyed spending time together.

Zack was sat in the passenger seat next to him and, when he pulled up on the Joseph's drive, climbed out first and went round the back to help Ty. Josh unplugged his phone from the aux chord - death cab for cutie the whole way - then took the keys and hopped out too.

The back of the van contained only one seat, and the rest had been removed to make place for Tyler to go. He wasn't a massive fan of always transferring in and out of his chair, so instead he stayed in it and the wheels were anchored down by tethers and restraints. When Josh joined the brothers, one wheel was already released and Zack was working on the other, so Josh helped by lowering the ramp.

"Josh?"  
"Yeh?"  
"Did you speak to Sarah today?" Tyler called over his shoulder as Zack carefully moved him backwards and down the slope.  
"Urrmm, yeh in English for a bit, why?"  
"She just asked whether I wanted to go to the winter formal."  
"What did you say?" Zack asked, still pushing Tyler towards the house whilst Josh quickly locked the car up then followed after them.

"I said no."  
"Aw Mom's gonna be heartbroken, you know she wants nothing more than to decorate your chair with satin bows." Zack half teased and half told the truth, and they all laughed.  
"Hey I've already said I'll go to the prom dinner, she's got her date in the diary, she'll just have to wait another few months."  
"I'm not going to the winter formal either Ty, you're not gonna be the only one or anything."  
"Go if you want, it's alright."  
"Nah, it'd be no fun without my main man." Josh winked truthfully then opened the unlocked front door and stepped inside and moved forwards to make room for Tyler.

The architecture of the home had to be admired; whilst Tyler was in rehab after his accident, his family had called in a specialist and the whole of the downstairs had been redesigned to be one level and have wide door frames and turning circles and low counters and sinks and tables. There was also the addition of a wet room and a bedroom to fully serve all his needs.

Kelly, Tyler's mom, had also left her job to be by his side during the 11 long weeks of inpatient rehabilitation. Only once he was comfortable at home then later comfortable at school did she begin looking for a new career, and eventually managed to find one where she could work from home. So as they entered the house, she appeared from within her office with a smile on her face.

"Hey boys,"  
"Hi Mom," Zack was the first to be greeted with a hug and a peck in the cheek.  
"Hi," Josh held out his arms and soon received his own squeeze and kiss, not at all weird for either party.  
"Hey," Tyler went last and Kelly reached down and hugged him, but when she stood up again she caught sight of a stain on his shirt and immediately began picking at it with her nail.

"Tyler Joseph, this wouldn't be chocolate pudding, would it? Because I seem to remember a certain doctor saying you were supposed to be eating healthy at the moment."  
"A healthy diet is a balanced diet?" Tyler tried to argue with a smile but she just tutted.  
"Asparagus and steamed chicken for dinner then? The rest of us are ordering Chinese - Josh, do you want to stay and have Tyler's share?"  
"I'd love to." He smiled.  
"Mooooommmm, why don't you love me??"  
"I suppose you can have Chinese if you really want, but if Dr Kanwar has a rant because of your blood sugar again then on your head be it."  
"Deal." Tyler agreed with a laugh as the group moved into the living room.

It was one of Josh's favourite things about the Joseph family, they didn't all rush off into their bedrooms immediately and instead preferred to sit and spend time with one another. He supposed that such a life changing event truly did bring a family together.

"Wanna move or you happy where you are?"  
"Moooove pleeeaase." Tyler grinned cheekily and his mom stroked his hair and began unclipping him whilst Zack and Josh sat down on the couch against the other wall. The younger brother reached forwards and picked up the TV remote and put on MTV quietly in the background.

"Ready, 3, 2, 1." Kelly warned, then lifted Tyler out of the wheelchair and transferred him across to the medical armchair. It had everything Tyler needed with regards to support, including a soft strap across his chest that Kelly clipped up first, and the main difference between the two chairs was that Tyler could rest his head back and therefore relax a little more.

"Thanks Mom,"  
"S'alright angel." She rubbed his shoulder then pushed his wheelchair over to the corner before settling down into a chair himself.

"How was school then?"  
"Mrs Andrews wants to speak to you again."  
"What did you do now Zack?"  
"Nothing."  
"Hmmmm, seems unlikely."  
"Nothing!"  
"Does that mean you did nothing as in for your homework you did nothing?" Tyler caught on and Josh laughed.  
"Oh Zackary Zackary Zackary, what on earth am I gonna do with you?" His mom sighed. "Josh tell me something that'll make me smile."  
"The northern leopard frog swallows its prey using its eyes. It uses them to help push food down its throat by retracting them into its head."  
"I said smile not vomit." She laughed.  
"That's actually pretty cool, not gonna lie." Zack smiled and Josh agreed.  
"You boys are crazy,"

"Jossshhhhiieeee," Jay sprinted into the living room, immediately hurtling himself onto the older's lap with a massive giggling grin. Maddy also joined the room but walked at a calmer speed.  
"Hey littleman, hey, I like your shirt." Josh smiled as Jay squirmed and wriggled as he tried to get comfy with the occasional assistance of Josh's tickling fingers.

"Maddy, ask Ty first sweetie, his chair his rules." Kelly said softly and Josh looked up to see that her only daughter had sat herself down in Tyler's wheelchair and was walking herself to join the main group with little mini pushes from the tips of her toes.  
"Ty? Please?" She asked quietly, looking over to her disabled brother who instantly nodded.  
"Course, just no farting missy." He told her and she giggled. "Oh sorry, I forgot, girls don't fart do they?"  
"Nope," she continued to chuckle happily and Josh smiled at him.

"Alright that's quite enough of that talk thank you Tyler. Josh, I take it you would you like to sleepover tonight since it's a Friday?"  
"If that's alright?"  
"Course, it's never a problem. Right, I'll call Dad and tell him to swing by the Chinese on his way home from work, what are people's orders?"


	2. Chapter 2

A CPAP machine was so simple that even Josh understood how it worked, kinda. It pumped air through a mask Tyler wore at night and was designed to hold his airway open whilst he slept. It sent air at pressure into his upper airway to stop it collapsing or narrowing. Helped him breathe basically.

He'd needed the ventilator for the past year and a half after it was decided that his reduced lung volume, thanks to the paralysis of some of the muscles involved, was causing him to stop breathing for short yet worrying periods of time. Honestly the device was kind of noisy and made sleepovers a little less relaxing, but since it was sustaining his best friend's life, Josh supposed he could just about put up with it.

Before the accident, sleepovers almost always involved a climb up to Tyler's treehouse and a sleepless night of sneaking back and forth to the fridge in search of snacks to fuel the nonsensical and usually hysterical conversations that went on until dawn. Now Tyler had to conserve his energy, had to spend an hour on physio then another half hour on meds and settling down before going on the ventilator at 9 and trying to fall asleep.

Somethings never change, Josh still loved spending the night, Tyler still couldn't sleep like a normal person. So despite all the equipment and medication, Tyler would usually lie awake and stare at the glowing stars on his ceiling for anywhere up to 6 or 7 hours until slumber finally took him. Josh knew it scared him sometimes, the mask, so he liked to think that him being by his side was slightly soothing.

Last night had been a good once for both of them. They watched hunt for the wilderpeople, which was equal parts funny and heartwarming, then spent a couple of hours talking about everything and anything before Kelly came along to start the nightly routine. For a while Tyler had been self conscious about anyone seeing the process, but now he was more than happy for Josh to sit in the corner and continue talking to him. Josh was so proud of how far he'd come, not in the physio but in his confidence.

And now it was morning, in fact it was Josh's favourite morning of the whole week every single week. He still had another hour or two before Kelly would drive them both to the leisure centre, but at long last Josh saw Tyler wake up. He could neither roll nor sit up to signify the fact, but Josh didn't need him to.

Josh had been sleeping in the designated carer's single bed against the wall, whereas Tyler had a hospital bed in the middle of his bedroom. It was hard to disguise the seemingly endless supplies of medical equipment and admittedly the room did feel a little clinical, but the glowing ceiling stars and the pin board of photos added a personal touch that made Josh smile.

"Ahh that's better," Tyler sighed as he took the CPAP mask off his face and put it beside him on the pillow. "Bloody hate that thing."  
"Really? You've never mentioned it." Josh yawned sarcastically then laughed as Tyler faked being hurt with a gasp before laughing.  
"Been awake long?"  
"Nah not really."  
"S'what you always say."  
"Always true." Josh chuckled. "You alright?"  
"Yeah I'm alright- wait, Josh, Josh I can't feel my legs! My legs!" Tyler played his favourite joke with a dead pan serious look of panic. Josh sat up then picked up his pillow and tossed it at Tyler's numb legs playfully, both of them laughing.

"Did that help at all?"  
"Hmm, lemme check, nope." Tyler flicked his stomach below the sever in his spine and informed Josh that his radical treatment plan had been unsuccessful.

"Damn, have to try another day. You want a hand sitting up until I perfect the cure?"  
"Please." He nodded against his pillow, so Josh didn't take for granted the ease by which he swung his legs onto the floor then walked towards Tyler's bed. The control to the bed was hanging down so Josh picked it up and gave it to Tyler, who began pressing the right button to tilt the back up. Meanwhile Josh took the cast aside mask and turned off the airflow then wrapped up the tubing and tucked it away nicely.

Just as he put it down, he saw Tyler keel over in two like a rag doll. His best friend had no control over his abdominal muscles and so was powerless to keep himself sat up independently, and he must have overestimated how straight-back he could manage. Although Tyler had propped himself up with his arms, he couldn't go any higher to get himself properly straight again. It had happened a bunch of times and Josh instinctively put his arm around Tyler's chest and pushed him back upright against the mattress behind him. Whilst Tyler pressed the button to reduce the steepness a little, Josh held him securely just to be safe.

"Oops," Tyler smiled a little softly but also a little sadly as Josh removed his guarding arm once he was supported enough by the bed.   
"Don't worry about it, it's okay, just a wobbly start. Want me to get your harness for you or are you stable?"  
"I'm okay for now, we're gonna leave for basketball soon anyway."

 

 

 

Tyler loved his basketball chair. He loved Susan, his day to day, but something about being strapped into Amber just filled him with fire. She had a wider base with skinny slanted wheels, a single wing bumper frame and beautifully welded side guards. Admittedly he had needed a couple of alterations to support his trunk, but a higher back and an additional chest strap didn't take away the sexiness and the sensitivity of the delicately bold beast.

He played wheelchair basketball 3 times a week at the leisure centre and usually another 1 or 2 shooting sessions at home, depending on how well he was feeling. Usually he trained and played with a competitive team, although he never really got much game time since he didn't have the most experience and wasn't the most controlled and was definitely the most debilitated on the squad. However the last fact did come with the advantage that he was a player worth only 1 point meaning he was occasionally a tactical option when more able bodied players were on the court at a time and therefore had a higher point assigned to them and brought the team closer to the maximum value of 14 points playing at once.

Everyone was aware that he wasn't as able but it didn't strip him of the rush nor the joy.

Out of all of the times he trained or played, Saturday mornings were his favourite. They were less intense than squad practices and were open to the general public, meaning therefore they were open to Josh to join in with.

When Dad had first suggested the club, Tyler didn't want to go. He was barely confident going in a straight line in his normal chair and he didn't want to embarrass himself by not being good enough. That and the fact that basketball had once been his favourite pre accident and he was afraid of playing again and being able to tell how much he'd lost. But eventually Josh managed to tempt him to having a taster session with the offer of him going too. After all Josh could neither use a wheelchair or play basketball, so there was not a chance that Tyler would be the worst there.

It worked like a dream and Tyler fell in love with the sport, and so did Josh. He wasn't eligible to play in the disabled league but that didn't stop him turning up to practice every Saturday morning and supporting Tyler whilst also having so much fun.

The positives were endless; it was good for his fitness and his physio was very pleased with the increase in activity, it gave him something to look forward to, something he could do better than anyone else in his school, it boosted his confidence through the roof and at the end of the day it made him happy, which is what's most important.

Tyler laughed as he saw Josh crash into a plastic cone as he attempted to move towards where the coach was about to give out the next drill. Josh heard him and looked up, sneering mockingly as they made eye contact, then finally arrived at the opposite side of the group to Tyler and listened to Charlie.   
  
"...and then any 1 or 2 point athletes plus all novices are gonna work with me on chair skills." He finished and Tyler smiled to himself because it meant he would be in a group with Josh. When he was fairly new to the sport it would upset him a little, being grouped together with a bunch of putterers because they were on par with each other regarding skills. But Tyler had learned that it wasn't something to get wound up over, he was in the bottom group, so what??

"You asleep Joseph?"  
"Oh, sorry," Tyler realised he'd zoned out and laughed. Charlie patted him on the back then lead the way over to where his group had assembled and took his position at the front whilst Tyler joined Josh.

"That cone manoeuvre? Smooth." He whispered teasingly.   
"Smoother than your space out just back there." Josh whispered back.   
"Alright let's everyone pair up, grab a ball each then we're gonna play a little game of dribbling bulls." Charlie said and Tyler grinned. He loved this game. "If you haven't played before, you're in for a treat. Both of you dribble at the same time, aim of the game is to make the other player lose control of their ball. This is all about getting physical guys, I'm encouraging rough play, no knocking the ball away with your hands, you've gotta get in there with your chair and ram them hard so they lose the ball. Don't be afraid to get stuck in, and don't stop resetting till I blow the whistle."

"You ready to go down Dun?" Tyler smirked as he grabbed 2 balls from the cage then passed one to his friend.   
"Bring it." He laughed as he placed it on his lap so he could use two hands to move over to an empty space on the other side of the hall. Tyler made a purposeful point of dribbling his way over with an overly smug grin.

"Alright fancy pants, show me what you've got." Josh started bouncing his ball whilst Tyler lined up next to him.  
"Ready?"  
"Born ready." He nodded confidently, so they both surged forwards with their wheel pressed together. Tyler took an early charge by pretending to turn away slightly then suddenly turned and crashed straight into Josh, who immediately lost his ball.  
"Cheat." Josh tutted as he undid his strap then stood up and ran over to pick up his ball again. Tyler just laughed as he ran with a guilty smile on his face then sat back down in the wheelchair with the ball.

"Now who's the cheat hey?" Tyler laughed.   
"Such a hater."  
"Damn straight."  
"S'go again." Josh said, and so the game started over. This time Josh was prepared for Tyler's tactic and turned towards him, clipping Tyler's wheel but not hard enough to cause him to lose the ball. Instead Tyler span backwards and went around the other side of Josh, who struggled to keep up with his agility and was an easy target. 2-0 to Tyler.

Whilst Josh chased after his ball, this time sticking in his chair, Tyler stretched his arms out a little. Before his injury he could reach for miles in order to intercept balls that were now out of his reach. He didn't have the extra distance that tilting at the hips once gave him, and instead he could only lean from just below his nipples. Occasionally he would still overestimate his span, but he was definitely getting better at sensing his limitations and knowing how close he had to move his chair in order to reach where he wanted to be.

"Earth to Tyler,"  
"Oi I was enjoying that thought." Tyler complained with a smile as he moved to be back by Josh's side. Just as they were about to start, Charlie walked up to them to watch.  
"Who's winning?"  
"Ty." Josh answered. "Surprise surprise."  
"Alright, let me have a look." He gestured for them to begin, so they did. This time Josh went on the defensive and turned away from Tyler, the competitive player immediately latched onto his plan and turned the other way and caught him quickly with a powerful barge that tipped Josh's wheel up a little and lost him the ball.

"Nice, nice, alright Josh let's give you some pointers." Charlie began as they regrouped with their balls. "You need to use your body as an advantage over Tyler, there's no room in parasports for sympathy or going easy on someone just because they're disabled - if we did then it'd be no fun. Use your core, use your hips, let them control the chair whilst you control the ball. Tyler's got the experience and skill but that doesn't change the fact that he's gotta be multitasking up top because he hasn't got options, you've got options. Lemme see that again but I really wanna see you using your whole body. Ty - keep doing what you're doing."  
"Thanks Coach."   
"Aright let's have a go." Josh levelled up to him.  
"Go." Charlie said.

Tyler could tell Josh was attempting to follow Charlie's advice, but trying a new skill just meant he wasn't really concentrating on the game as a whole and all it took was Tyler doing a quick direction change and slamming straight into him in order to win his third consecutive game.

"Yeh that was actually a lot better Josh, keep working on that swivel to get round the corner."  
"Will do, thanks Coach."  
"Now Ty, you've actually got the same thing going on as your bud here, you're not leaning into the switches."  
"Can't." Tyler panted a little, and Charlie stepped closer to him and crouched down so that he could get a better look at Tyler's core.  
"See that's where you're wrong, you can't lean from your abs but you can lean with your shoulder and let your body follow after it to add the weight and therefore the speed, you're too stiff at the moment because you're tied back. Can I loosen your chest strap a tiny bit?"   
"Yeh, but I don't wanna fall forwards."  
"You won't. If you feel yourself going then throw your shoulders back and the momentum will pull you back up. And remember that the strap is still on so it will still catch you if you're too late. You ain't gonna face plant." Charlie told him whilst undoing the clip then fastening it again on a more relaxed setting, and Tyler could instantly feel the effects.

"Just try for me here, I won't put you straight into a game situation." Charlie said, watching closely. "Gimme 3 pushes then spin back and go the other way, try leaning on the spin."  
"Okay." Tyler said a little nervously, not really trusting the strap since it was no longer tight against him. Josh flashed him a reassuring smile so he did as he was told and built up speed then twisted back round. It felt nowhere near as safe and he imagined that his whole body was being launched out of the chair, when in reality he probably only moved a centimetre or so. However Charlie looked pleased, smiling proudly.

"So much better Ty, so much better. How did it feel?"  
"Unsafe."  
"That's because it's faster." Charlie rested his chin on his hand. "It's better. If you want to be tightly strapped back then I'm not gonna insist, but it is better like that."  
"Just doesn't feel very secure." Tyler admitted.   
"Scary?" He asked softly and Tyler nodded. "It's alright to be afraid, but what's the worst that could happen Ty?"   
"Fall down."  
"What, you mean like every single other person in this room has done at least half a dozen times every session?"   
"Mmm,"

"Are you worried about falling in case you can't get up or because you might hurt yourself or because you think people will laugh?"  
"All of them, well, first one mainly."  
"S'what I'm here for Ty, to pick you up when you fall down." Charlie said. "If you fall down, you don't stay down, alright? In basketball and in life."  
"Yeh," Josh agreed with the coach.   
"Some people might treat you like you're made of glass, doesn't mean you are. Ask Josh, yanno, the guy you just beat 3 times in a row without hesitation."  
"You're pretty damn tough Tyler, you don't need to be worried." Josh piped up.

"Alright I'm gonna tighten you back up because you're obviously not a massive fan." Charlie decided, taking the strap in his hands again. "But listen, have a practice with it a tiny bit looser at home, build up your confidence, if you still don't like it then at least you tried, no harm done. However if you find that you can get used to it then I really think it's gonna improve your game and I'll support you in incorporating it."  
"Thank you Charlie." Tyler forced a smile as he finished pulling it tight again.   
"I'm gonna go check up on some others, but keep up the hard work boys, well done."  
"Thanks Coach." Josh smiled as he walked away, then moved to be closer to Ty.

"You okay?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Try telling your face." He teased and Tyler laughed.   
"Sorry sorry, genuinely, I'm okay." Tyler rubbed his face then smiled. "Yanno what Charlie said, he's right. I get knocked down, but I get up again, you are never gonna keep me down."  
"Cheeky bit of Chumbawampa? I approve. I get knocked down, but I get up again-"  
"YOU ARE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!" Tyler sang at the top of his voice, then bounced his ball off the side of Josh's wheel. Josh gasped offended, so Tyler wheeled away from him as fast as possible in a fit of giggles and Josh raced after him.


	3. Chapter 3

Sunday morning was the only day Josh didn't see Tyler before 8am, however that didn't mean they didn't see each other. They both attended the same church service but that didn't start till 10, so Josh had a couple of hours without him. Felt weird to say the least.

Josh rolled out of bed with a yawn and a stretch as he staggered towards his closet tiredly. He was already wearing a pair of shorts but reached inside and pulled a generic black hoodie off a hanger then threw it on over his bare torso before trudging over to his wall which contained a small mirror. He quickly ran a hand through his yellow hair then started looking at all his old photos which were stuck directly onto the paint with sellotape - much to his mom's dismay.

The first that his gaze fell to was from summer camp when he was 12. He'd gone alongside Tyler, of course, as well as Brendon and Spencer and they were all in the photo plus a couple of kids they had met out there. It had been an amazing summer of lake swims and campfires and capture the flag style games, and Josh frequently reminisced over it during the long nights where his mind decided he didn't want to sleep.

Just above the picture was one from a fair he had attended when he was 9 and had entered the costume competition with his sister Ashley, going as zombies. The fact he coincidentally had pink eye at the same time was almost definitely the reason they won first prize and proudly held up their rosettes in the picture.

There was a picture overlapping the corner - or more specifically 4 photos. Josh decided they were probably the most recently taken and were from a photo booth in the mall. He and Ty had third and fourth (and Tyler's favourite joke of also having fifth and sixth and seventh and eight wheels with him too) wheeled on Sarah and Brendon's date. It hadn't been too awkward, in fact Brendon said that they had actually broken the ice for him since their relationship was fairly new. As part of that, they had all piled into the box and taken 1 genuinely nice and 3 funny photos. Since Tyler couldn't climb up onto the bench, he was right up against the wall with the camera and Josh smiled as he could see right up Tyler's nostrils in one of them.

Josh wasn't totally sure why he kept the photo next to it up since it always upset him, and yet he never did anything about it. His mother had taken it 2 days after Tyler's crash, and it depicted him unconscious in ICU on the ventilator and covered in cuts and bruises and dressings and wires and tubes. His eyes were taped shut. Josh on the other hand was sat in the seat which became his home for the 8 days Tyler was unconscious. He had moved closer to Tyler's bed and was asleep with his head on the mattress beside him, holding his friend's hand whilst sleeping for the first time since hearing the news.

"Josh, Mom s-" Jordan walked in without knocking. "Woah, are you crying?"  
"Fuck off Jordan," Josh turned away whilst wiping a stray tear hastily.   
"Dude you're fucking crying, what the hell?"  
"I said fuck off!"  
"I bet it's because of that fucking cripple-"  
"Don't call him that!" The older half screamed defensively.   
"Or what?" Jordan laughed. "What you gonna do J? You're just as useless and pathetic as him!"  
"SHUT! UP!"  
"BOYS?! I hope you're not fighting again!" Mom yelled from the hall.   
"Nope!" Jordan called back, then wandered out of the room casually and smugly, somehow not weighed down by the foul words that had just left his mouth.

Josh scoffed then sat down on the end of his bed and wiped another hot tear away with his palm, then sighed deeply.

"Did Jord pass on the message? Breakfast in 5?"  
"No. Thanks." He mouthed quietly as his mom walked in and sat down next to him. She rubbed his back momentarily then rested her hand on his knee.   
"What did he say this time?"  
"Talking crap about Ty again. Mom please, please just do something,"  
"Like what?"  
"Discipline! I don't know, you're the parent, I'm just sick of him bullying my best friend." Josh sighed frustrated.   
"He's not bullying him Josh, he's just, he's struggling to come to terms with his injuries, that's all."   
"Oh don't give me that BS, it's been 2 years, they weren't even that close, he's just a horrible horrible person and I don't understand why! Tyler did nothing to him!"  
"What's got you crying in the first place?" Mom chose to ignore him, just like usual. He loved her but he hated the way she dealt with Jordan because every time he got away with it and every time he would think it was okay and he was untouchable and it wasn't fucking fair.

"Just photos."  
"The one from hospital?"  
"Uh huh." He nodded, looking at the floor.   
"Josh why don't you just take it down? Aren't you tired of getting upset every time you do your hair?"   
"No, I want it up."  
"Why?"  
"Because it's special to me. Reminds me how far he's come."  
"Sweetheart if you're gonna be silly like this then you've only got yourself to blame for this sad mood." She said and Josh resisted the urge to scoff again. Instead he swallowed it down and nodded. "I'm gonna finish breakfast, don't be late baby."  
"I won't."

After she left, Josh laid back down on his bed and sighed yet again. He loved his family, he loved his family, he loved his family. It was true, it had to be true, he just wasn't always overly convinced by it. The Duns had done the opposite to the Josephs. When they had pulled together to support one another, his family had decided to never ever address the fact that Josh's best friend was now severely disabled and therefore Josh had drifted from them and gravitated towards the support, which only tore the separation deeper.

But it wasn't his fault, unlike his Mom had just said, it wasn't his fault he was upset. It was Jordan's fault for being a jumped up self righteous little prick, and it was the driver who cut Mr Joseph up on the interstate's fault and none of it was his fault. The same went for Tyler, none of it was his fault, Josh never felt any resent or anger or bitterness towards his best friend for the role he played in the drastic change to Josh's universe.

 

 

 

Church was always enjoyable, however Josh had to admit that his favourite bit was always what happened afterwards. All the boring old folk would stand around and drink coffee and talk about their week, whereas his friendship group would always walk to the park about a kilometre away.

During the warmer summer months they would hangout on the swings and scare away all the little kids, however during the winter they took shelter in the bandstand in the middle of the field. Someone would carry one of the picnic benches up there and they'd stay hidden from the wind and rain whilst still having a good time and getting some fresh air.

All the guys went in their pairs, Pete and Patrick as a couple, Brendon and Spencer as best friends and Josh and Tyler as best friends too, however Ty always showed up late. It wasn't a matter of it taking him longer to get there, more that his family were very close with the pastor and always spent a long time talking to him after every service, and Tyler always insisted going on without him,

Every week they'd do it and every week Tyler would be fine going the distance alone and every week Josh would spend the whole time worrying about whether he should go back and check he was okay and every week the other boys would convince him to stay.

"...so anyway, I go back to bed with my glass of water, bare in mind that it's 3am and I didn't turn any light on, and I climb back in and suddenly Patrick wasn't there anymore. Course my first thought was alien kidnap." Pete told his story about the previous night.   
"Standard." Brendon approved.   
"But just as I was about to go and check if he'd gone to the bathroom or something, I hear a crash from the kitchen and nearly crap myself. Turns out Pat went to get a drink too so at some point we must have crossed past each other but neither of us noticed."  
"That's fucking weird man." Spencer shook his head in disbelief.

"Did you know-"  
"Wait." Brendon cut Josh off. "Everyone, take a guess on the topic of this fact, I'm going ghosts."  
"It's gonna be something like you pass a gazillion people everyday and one of them will be your long lost brother or something." Pete guessed.   
"Yeah, I'm the same, some sort of passing 7 psychos a day style fact." Patrick agreed with his boyfriend.   
"Something about drinking 15 million litres in a lifetime." Spencer was the last to go, then Brendon pointed to Josh to reveal the answer.   
"Did you know to burn off one plain M&M, a person would need to walk the entire length of a football field."  
"Euuuhhhh, boring, gimme ghosts." Brendon complained.   
"Oh I got one for you Bren - they're not real." Spencer deadpanned then laughed at him as he muttered something about being a non believer.

"Wonder where Ty's got to." Pete checked the time.   
"Don't start Josh off! He hadn't to brought it up yet!"  
"Ah well, done now." Josh smiled. "How late is he?"   
"Usually takes him 20-25 minutes to catch up and it's been 35."  
"But Josh he's almost definitely just stuck talking to someone, don't stress."  
"I saw him fall asleep during the service," Josh sighed concerned he would be too tired to make the trip.   
"Me too, twice."  
"Twice? Damn."

"How is he at the moment? Doing okay?" Spencer asked.   
"Yeah he's doing a lot better than last month, his blood pressure's increased at last thankfully so all that lightheadedness he was struggling with has gone, and his chronic pain doesn't seem too bad right now. Still having blood sugar issues and obviously fatigue, but nothing too sinister. He's doing well."  
"Is there something going on with his weight? He looked really skinny and, well, frail when he showed up this morning." Patrick asked this time.   
"He is losing, I noticed too, but his parents and his doctors don't seem overly concerned. Still got a huge appetite so that's a good sign at least."  
"Yeah,"  
"Plus he's seeing a dietician for his blood sugar so hopefully she'll help him gain if she's not happy."  
"Yeah, okay good."

"We were on the interstate yesterday to go visit my grandpa and we drove over the square of asphalt they covered up all the burn marks from the crash with."   
"So weird how they just cover them up like nothing happened." Pete agreed with his boyfriend.   
"Yeah, and now when I'm driving and I see them all over the place I just can't help but think about what might have happened there." Brendon said. "Scary really."  
"Definitely."

"Oh there he is." Spencer pointed, and Josh turned over his shoulder to see Tyler and noticed Zack was pushing him. Tyler had never liked people doing that, wanted to be as independent as possible, so Josh knew that he was either very tired or very sick.

"Fear not, the life of the party has arrived." Zack grinned as he parked Tyler at the end of the picnic bench. "Oh and Ty's here too."  
"Shut it you idiot." Tyler laughed. "But hey guys,"  
"Hey,"  
"Heya,"   
"Josh can I have a word?" Zack gestured to the side with his head and Josh nodded then climbed off the bench and followed him out of hearing range.

"Everything okay?"  
"Mom just wanted me to ask you to keep an eye on Ty, she knows you would anyway but yeh,"  
"Yeh course, what's up?"  
"Nothing bad, he didn't sleep last night,"  
"At all?"  
"Nope." Zack shook his head. "So he's just exhausted basically, and Mom doesn't want him getting overly tired and having a health relapse, so look after him?"  
"Course."  
"She wants him home by 12, and don't let him convince you he should move himself - push him?"  
"Alright no problem. You not sticking around?"  
"Nah, only gone and got myself a date haven't I?" He grinned proudly and Josh laughed at the 15 year old.

"That girl from French?"  
"Yep. Tatum." Zack sighed giddily and Josh just patted him on the shoulder and smiled.  
"Haha alright, well good luck."  
"Luck? Pff, I don't need luck, look at me." He gestured to his pubescent body. "But thanks man, see you later?"  
"Yeh course, bye,"  
"Bye, BYE TY!" Zack yelled over to his brother who was happy talking to the guys, then waved when he heard him. Zack started walking back the way he came, and Josh jogged quickly back to the guys.

He ran up behind Tyler then put both his hands on his friend's shoulders and laughed when he felt him jump a little. Whilst Tyler turned round and glared at him, Josh slipped his hands down so he could link them and squeeze Tyler in a tight hug, then kiss him on the top of his head.  
"I love you, you crazy insomniac weirdo."

 

 

"Josh."  
"Tyler."  
"Do you know any hammock facts?" Tyler asked, looking over at him. Despite the fact it was 45 degrees, the best friends were outside in Tyler's back yard. Although Tyler couldn't go up to his childhood treehouse anymore, it didn't stop him setting up a hammock from the same tree as the hut and across to the one next to it. It was the most comfortable position he could be in and helped to alleviate the aches and pains of his joints and reduce the risks of pressure sores forming, and to be honest he just enjoyed the subtle swaying of the fabric.

"Ooh good question, lemme have a think." Josh hummed. The yellow haired teen was sat in Tyler's wheelchair next to the hammock, occasionally swinging it for him but otherwise just messing around in the chair and trying to balance on the back wheels.   
"You're slipping J." He teased when he failed to instantly spurt a fact.   
"Urrmm, they were invented by the Mayans I think?"  
"Aren't they the ones who said we were all supposed to die in a fiery pit in 2012?"  
"Yep that was them." Josh laughed then gave Tyler another gentle push. "Well kinda, they never actually said there was going to be an apocalypse."  
"No?"  
"Nope, they just believed in cyclical time rather than linear like us, and their version of the calendar ran out in 2012. They thought everything was gonna get wiped out and would start again, but they never said apocalypse."

"You're weird, you know that right?" Tyler smiled up at the tree above his head, sunlight warm on his face as it seeped through the leaves and danced with each subtle swing back and forth.   
"Pff please, look who's talking."  
"That's bullying."  
"You're bullying."  
"What??" Tyler laughed and Josh pushed him harder, making him squeal a little as he held on tight to the fabric. "Josh! Josh if I fall out it's all your fault! Josh!!"   
"Chill! You're not gonna fall." He chuckled but thankfully grabbed at the hammock and slowed it down a little so Tyler could go back to his blissful rock.

"Sorry, I interrupted you, you were saying how amazing and great I am?" Josh grinned.   
"Nah, nah don't think I was actually," Tyler shook his head against the soft fabric behind him before laughing. "You're great, you know you are."  
"But my best friend in the whole wide world called me weird." He sulked.   
"Hey I never said weird was a bad thing! And you called me a weirdo at the park Mr Hypocrite! But don't worry JJ, you know deep down I loves ya."  
"I do, and I loves ya too."

"Couldn't sleep without you by my side last night." Tyler said seriously.   
"Want me to stay over tonight?"  
"Would you?"  
"Course, you know it's never a problem Ty."  
"It's just, it, um,"  
"Don't have to explain if you don't want." Josh reassured him.   
"No no, s'just comforting to have someone in the room, especially you, makes me feel a bit less trapped."   
"Yeh."   
"It used to be you and Mom and Zack would take it in turns staying in with me in the carer's bed, but now because I've never had any problems, the other two don't really bother anymore. And I mean I get it, I've always been fine so I don't need them there, but late at night I work myself up that my vent's gonna stop working or my catheter's gonna block or I'm gonna fall out of bed and nobody would be there to know or help."  
"You've got your alarm haven't you? That you can pull and your mom would come straight away?"  
"Yeh, but a red string isn't the same as having your best friend there." Tyler said quietly and waited for a response.

"Tyler I hope you know that I would do anything to make you feel even fractionally more comfortable. If that means staying for a night, fine. If that means staying for a week, fine. If that means staying for a month, fine. There's no time pressure or limit by which you have to feel better, just like it's okay that you're still worried about being alone even though it's been 2 years. Time doesn't necessarily equate to things automatically feeling better, and that's okay."  
"See this is why I want you to move in, you're the best." Tyler smiled honestly.   
"I've tried asking so many times, Mom's still saying no until we graduate."  
"Haha okay well I guess I'll just have to fight her for you."

"Hi boys,"  
"Oh hey Kelly," Josh looked over his shoulder, but Tyler couldn't see his mom from the hammock until a few seconds later when she immediately started playing with his hair fondly.   
"Hey,"  
"Hey sweetheart, s'time to go back inside, been out here a long time and I don't want you catching a cold."  
"Mom you can't actually catch a cold from the cold." Tyler laughed.   
"Alright clever clogs, but it will freeze all your blood in your veins and turn you into a human ice cube, so let's get you inside please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last TDC show tonight... byebyeboys


	4. Chapter 4

One of Josh's favourite things about sleeping at the Joseph's was the family breakfast they always sat down and ate together every morning. Back at home, Dad would be up and out at 5, Mom would be too busy helping Abi get ready to cook anything, Ashley always ate breakfast with her boyfriend, and Josh sure as Hell didn't want to sit down with Jordan, so instead chose not to have anything.

Breakfast was non optional at Tyler's, but Josh had no doubt that everyone would still attend even if they did have a choice. Chris cooked up hot food and Zack sorted out cereals and drinks whilst Kelly helped Tyler with his morning routine, and on that particular morning Josh decided his role was to get the littleones ready for school.

Jay was pretty easy, grab a change of clothes then tickle him into submission and convince him to change, then repeat for teeth brushing.

Maddy on the other hand was a lady who would not be rushed, and insisted on picking out 4 separate outfits which Josh then had to rank. She then proceeded to fold them all up neatly par one and put them away - which was very helpful but did take almost 10 minutes - before finally getting changed. After brushing her teeth, Josh offered to brush her hair too. He told her he could braid, something he had done for Ashley and Abi his whole life, and she was delighted then asked for the most complicated combination of waterfall and fishtail and Dutch and French that Josh had 3 very hard tries at before eventually having to convince her that she would look equally as beautiful with a simple French. Eventually she compromised and ended up with 2 Dutch braids that Josh was quite proud of.

"Morning kid, just quickly, you staying in Susan this morning or want me to grab you a chair with a harness from next door?" Chris called over his shoulder whilst frying the last of the bacon as Tyler and Kelly entered the kitchen.   
"I'm good thanks Dad." Tyler smiled as he moved over to the table where Josh was already sat with the three other Joseph kids.

"Ooooh your hair's pretty angel." Kelly smiled as she sat next to Maddy, kissing her on the top of the head.  
"Thanks Mommy, Joshie did it."   
"He did? Well I'm sure you said a biiiiiig thank you."  
"I did!"  
"Yeh you were very polite Mads." Josh nodded.  
"And I'm very thankful for your help too Josh," the mother said appreciatively.   
"Always a pleasure."

"Who wants eggs?" Chris asked as he put down a plate of bacon in the middle of the table then walked back to the stove to pick up his pan full of eggs, and Josh knew that every single crumb would be happily devoured.   
"Me me me!" Jay put his hand up and received a portion on his plate.   
"I do please," Josh joined in.  
"Yeah and Ty wants some too." Kelly answered on behalf of her eldest.   
"Nope, Ty wants pancakes." Tyler corrected her.   
"Ty's having eggs."  
"Turned into pancake batter."  
"Tyler you know what the doctor said about your blood sugar son, have eggs today, there's plenty of time for pancakes another day." Chris said back and Tyler huffed as he poured some onto the plate in front of him. The father put the remaining eggs down then settled into his seat.

"Josh, you're our guest, care to take grace?"  
"Of course." He nodded. "Bless, O Lord, this food to our use and us to thy service, and keep us ever mindful of the needs of others. In Jesus' name, Amen."  
"Amen." Everyone repeated, then separated their hands and began eating the food in from of them.   
"That was beautiful Josh,"  
"Thank you," he smiled before cramming his mouth full with the pancakes he knew Tyler had been banned from having. Of course being a best friend was all about rubbing salt into wounds, so he made a point of showing off to Tyler what he was eating, and was consequently rewarded with a glare.

"Jay, do you want Daddy to chop up your food up?" His mom asked and he nodded.   
"Alright Champ," Chris took his plate and started cutting his bacon for him. "So, Zack, how did the big date go yesterday?"  
"Good, yeah, really really good." Zack grinned up to his ears, and Josh couldn't help but nudge him with his elbow because he was so obviously in love with this girl he had been on one date with. "We're gonna go to a coffee shop after school today if that's okay with you guys?"   
"Course that's alright darling." Kelly nodded.

"She pretty?" Chris asked.   
"Gorgeous. Funny too, really funny,"  
"Good on yah kid, you've got some of my Joseph charm in you." He smiled, wrapping his arm around Kelly then kissing her on the cheek, and she gave the younger kids a look that made them both giggle.   
"Can't be that strong Dad considering out of your 4 kids, we've been on a grand total of 1 date between us." Tyler laughed.   
"Oh I dunno about that, I'm pretty sure that half the school thinks that you two are the cutest gay couple in the world." Zack teased and both the boys laughed then made kissy faces at each other.

 

 

 

Josh loved history as subject because it fuelled his love of random facts, for example Albert Einstein was offered the role of Israel’s second President in 1952, but declined. Lord Byron kept a pet bear in his college dorm room. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

Josh hated history as a subject because he hated essay writing with a passion. If it was up to him then history would be simple 1 markers on recall of dates and names, not hand crippling hours of desperate scribbling. He hated it but he loved it.

Nobody else in his friendship group was dumb enough to take the class, so Josh sat alone at the back in his seat and played with his pen nib against paper whilst waiting for Mr Wade to walk into the class. He heard the sound of the squeaky classroom door swing open over the general bubble of noise being greeted by the other students, and looked up to see a pretty blonde walk in.

At one point the high school was so crammed full of students that you could barely walk down a corridor without almost suffocating or being trampled on during a stampede, however to combat the problem the education department had commissioned a new school only a couple of miles down the road, and almost over night the student body halved. It meant most classes weren't full and most corridors were safe and Josh knew every single person's face. Every single person except that girl.

She was clearly new and clearly very nervous and clearly had no friends, so when she made scared eye contact with him, he did the natural thing and smiled warmly. Only moments later Mr Wade entered and clapped his hands a few times to get the attention on him.

"Right class, before we begin we have a new transfer student joining us today, her name's Jenna. Play nicely. Jenna, would you like to help yourself to any free desk?" The orderly man instructed and she nodded then carefully made her way straight to the back and settled down in the desk next to Josh. Josh smiled again and so did she.

"Projects." Mr Wade bellowed and everyone besides the new girl groaned. Projects were bad enough, let alone history projects. "Sheets, take one pass them along, you pick a title, you pick ONE partner, you get the work done and you hand it in by the last day before Christmas break. If it's not done to the standard I expect, you don't go on vacation, simple really. You can start this period so I can answer any questions and break up any bad pairings. You many begin."

"Hi, sorry," the blonde said quietly, "I don't know anyone, I just,"  
"Wanna go with me?" Josh guessed and she laughed then nodded.  
"Please, if that's okay, I'm Jenna Black."  
"Josh Dun." He smiled, happy to see her relax ever so slightly as she scooted closer so they could both look at Josh's list of potential topics and choose one to do.

 

 

 

Tyler was pretty much always the last of his friendship group to arrive in the canteen at lunch, not that it really mattered. He made eye contact with Josh and both of them smiled as he wheeled himself over and into the already prepared gap.  
"Hey,"  
"Hi," everyone said in different versions.   
"Just quickly before I forget, don't suppose anyone's got a protractor I could borrow for next period?" Tyler asked but everyone shook their heads no. "Ah well, never mind, thanks anyway."   
"What do you even need a protractor for?" Spencer asked.   
"I'm gonna go out on a limb here, stab in the dark, but I'm gonna guess he wants to measure angles." Brendon poked at his best friend.   
"Ha. Ha."  
"I support farming, in fact, you could say I'm pro-tractor." Josh told his pun proudly and everyone groaned or rolled their eyes.

"Hi, I'm sorry to interrupt." A girl's voice said softly, and Tyler looked up to see the most beautiful girl he'd ever laid eyes on. She was perfect in every way, yet he could only stare at her piercing blue eyes that were the embodiment of every metaphor he had ever heard. Sapphires. Cloudless skies. Oceans. No matter what they were likened to, they were the most gorgeous think he'd ever looked at.

"Oh hey Jenna." Josh smiled, and Tyler realised his best friend must know the new girl somehow. "Everything okay?"  
"Yea thank you, managed to find my way here somehow. Just followed my stomach I guess," she laughed sweetly. "I was just wondering whether maybe you'd like to go for coffee after school? Get started on the project? I don't know anywhere near here but I'm happy to go wherever you'd like to show me?"

Josh was getting asked out, and all Tyler could do was try to stifle his immature giggles. When he made eye contact with Brendon he almost lost it, but somehow managed to bite his lip.

"Sorry, sounds nice but I can't, I've gotta take my buddy Tyler here to physio." Josh shot her down and Jenna's line of vision fell to Tyler then he watched as she surveyed his wheelchair and damaged body, and his previous excitement dropped like a lead balloon. He hated getting 'that' look, the 'oh' look. It wasn't pity, it wasn't sympathy, it was the look of realisation and of borderline embarrassment, and it cut straight through his soul.

"Oh, right, um, okay, sorry, okay no problem, well here's my number if you change your mind." Jenna passed across a folded up piece of paper then scuttled off.

"Daaaaammmmnnn Joshua, how on earth did you get a girl like that, and more importantly why on earth did you let her go?!" Brendon said what they were all thinking.   
"Huh? She's just my history partner."  
"Just my history partner." He mocked. "She totally just asked you out dude and you shut her down faster than blockbusters."  
"Did you know that bl-"  
"Now is not the time Joshua! Go and tell that gorgeous lady that you love her and of course you'll go for coffee with her!"  
"She wasn't asking me out." Josh laughed at his exasperated friend.   
"Dude ARE YOU BLIND?!?" Brendon half yelled and Josh just laughed more.

"He's right J, she was hitting on you." Tyler nodded.   
"Thank you!" Brendon sighed, "I mean she already had her number written down! Come on dude! What else did she need to do?!"   
"It was just coffee though!"  
"Coffee doesn't mean coffee." Pete agreed.   
"And she wanted to work on the project we're doing together, that's a legit reason!" Josh continued to argue.   
"It's a legit excuse to go back to your house and to your room and whata bing whata bang, everyone knows what that leads to."  
"Can't a girl just be friends with a guy?"  
"Yes she can, but that smile on her face was not a friendly smile, it was a crush."

"Okay, okay so let's say hypothetically she was asking me out-"  
"She was."  
"Hypothetically, so what? Doesn't change the fact that I genuinely am taking Ty to physio."  
"I'll take him, done." Spencer offered.   
"Yeah that's fine." Tyler nodded.   
"You're not insured to drive the van."   
"Well I'm sure we can get you in the back of my car Ty, it won't be a problem."  
"Or I can just get my mom to drive or something, that's not a good enough excuse Josh." Tyler grinned as his friend.

"I'm gay, how about that?"  
"You're not gay you're bi, and last time I checked that included women." Tyler laughed. Josh had come out to him about 3 years ago, but Tyler already knew before he said it. When you're that close to someone for that long, there's nothing you don't know about each other. It didn't change anything between them except increasing the amount of jokes Tyler could make.

"I'm in a relationship?"  
"With your cat? Nope, doesn't count." Pete shook his head.  
"No, and don't offend Dr Doctor like that, I'm in a relationship with a real life boy."  
"What? You mean that barista guy?" He laughed. "Josh you've managed to ruin soy milk for me with your disgusting flirting when we order and you've made out behind the shop like 3 times, that's not a relationship."   
"5 times I'll have you know, and hey, just because our version of romance doesn't tick your closed minded box doesn't mean it's not valid." Josh attempted to keep a straight face as he argued.   
"What's his name then Josh?"  
"Daryl, or, or, Darren, or something - it doesn't matter! Love is felt in the heart not the head."  
"You mean the dick you sexually frustrated cliche." Brendon laughed.

"Fine, I'll go find her and agree to go to coffee, but if Daniel or whatever he's called sees us and gets jealous and stops writing ''meet me out back' on my coffee cup then on your heads be it."

 

 

  
As Josh carried their order over to the table where Jenna had settled down, he smirked at the message his hookup had left on his cup. 'Cute blonde, you're cuter. Outside in 5.' He turned over his shoulder and tutted at the guy who simple winked and clicked his tongue. Josh ignored him and instead went over to Jenna, placing her drunk in front of her and rotating it so it was the right way for her to drink from.

"Thank you, how much do I owe you?"  
"Oh don't worry about it." Josh smiled as he settled down opposite her.   
"No no it's okay, I'll pay, it's not like this is a date or anything."  
"I knew it! Sorry sorry, just that all my friends thought you were asking me out earlier."  
"That's men for you," she rolled her eyes then laughed.   
"Yep, we suck, but as an apology on behalf of my gender, coffee's on me today."  
"Thank you." Jenna smiled gratefully then took a sip. "Besides, I'm not really your type am I?"  
"Huh?" Josh said confused, and she giggled as she turned round his cup and pointed towards the note. Josh saw then sighed before hiding his face embarrassed whilst laughing. "Oh god, guilty."

"Don't worry about it, it's cute, my first introduction to drama in Columbus." She said with a reassuring smile that meant a lot to Josh. "Now, what exactly is the ship name for Josh and Dale? Jale or dosh?"   
"Dale? That's his name? Ohhh."  
"You don't know his name? Wow."  
"Hey I knew it started with D if that makes it any better?"  
"No, no not really." She giggled. "Especially not since you were literally just talking to him 30 seconds ago and he's wearing a name tag,"   
"Coming back to that thing about men being the worst?" He smiled then took a sip of his coffee.

"I take it you're not official then?"  
"No no, we're just, I dunno what we are."   
"But you're not complaining?" She presumed.   
"Amen." He nodded, looking over at Dale whilst he served someone else. "And what you said earlier, about not being my type, I'm bi but I'm not really looking for anything serious at the moment."  
"No me neither, don't worry, we can just be a girl and a guy who are friends right? No need for anything more."  
"Right." Josh agreed happily.

"Also, about your friend, thank you for finding a way to still come here with me, can't have been easy."  
"What, Tyler? The guy in the wheelchair?" Josh presumed and she nodded. "Oh that's alright, his mom's just gonna take him to physio, it wasn't a big deal."  
"You're a nice guy for taking him usually."  
"Eh, it's what friends do." He shrugged.   
"Not as many as you might think." She told him. "People don't, you know, don't really have as much respect as they should for people like him."  
"Like him? Disabled?"   
"Yeh. And I'm not saying that it's justifiable, it's just true. It was kinda refreshing in a way to walk over to you at lunch and see that he had so many friends. At my old school that just wasn't the case, kids who were different were usually alone."

"It's hard to say this without sounding cheesy or cliche, but he's Tyler first and then disabled afterwards. He's not my disabled best friend, he's my best friend who happens to be disabled."  
"Yeah," she smiled as she listened.   
"We've been best buds, pfff, nearly 14 years now? Nothing's gonna change that."  
"Has he always been disabled?"  
"No no, severed his spinal chord just over 2 years ago. Before that he was healthy and normal, well, almost." Josh remember with a smirk.  
"How did he do it?"  
"Freak parachuting accident whilst escaping Fort Knox."  
"Sure." She laughed. "Car crash?"  
"Yeh." He sighed. "And it's only brought us closer if I'm honest. Like we were insanely close before hand, some would say too close, but somehow it's only increased since he got hurt. Obviously he has to rely on me a bit more these days, but almost losing him means that I understand how important it is that we make the most of whatever time we have. Driving him to physio, it's not a chore, it's a chance to be together."

"He sounds really important to you."   
"He is. I think you'd like him actually."  
"Maybe a bit bias considering you're his number one fan?" Jenna laughed. "But course, I'd love to properly be introduced, need to make as many friends as I can. However right now you've got other things to be getting on with."  
"Huh?" Josh said confused, and Jenna gestured to the side with her head. Josh looked and saw Dale waiting, the barista raised his eyebrows briefly and Josh laughed embarrassed but nevertheless stood up and followed him out into the alley.


	5. Chapter 5

When Josh woke up, he was in a good mood. It wasn't that unusual, he liked to think of himself as a pretty happy person, however being at home meant he was around Jordan, and being around Jordan was about as much fun as the bubonic plague. He was equally as toxic and twice as foul.

He genuinely had no idea why he always had to be so negative and threatening towards him, as far as Josh was aware he was a perfectly good brother who hadn't done anything to provoke or deserve the shit he always received. It was almost as if Jordan was on a mission to hurt Josh for no obvious reason.

Josh cursed himself for daring to think about him because he was similar to beetlejuice and appeared out of nowhere with a look on his face that only meant trouble. The older finished brushing his teeth and spat in the sink then rinsed the brush and sighing, turning to face Jordan who was blocking the bathroom door.

"Yes? Can I help you??"  
"Don't talk to me like that." Jordan snarled.   
"Get out of my way then," Josh tried to go back to his room but his younger brother didn't budge. "Jordan. Move."  
"You'll never guess what Ray saw yesterday."  
"I don't know, the new power rangers movie? Just move out of my way Jordan."  
"No, pufter, he saw you sucking faces with the boy from the coffee shop."  
"Yep, well done to him, congrats, gonna let me leave now?"  
"So what, so you can go out and disgrace the family name?"

"I'm confused Jord, help me out here, are you homophobic or ableist or just an asshole?"  
"Watch your tongue."  
"Or what?!" Josh scoffed. "And also why should I? Why do you hate me so much Jordan? Because you can play the homophobic card all you like but I know that your dear friend Jimmy happens to suck the faces of boys too. And as for ableist, you're nothing but a delight to Tyler's face when he comes round here. So it's me, right? I'm the connection. You think that those two topics are sore spots or something so you're always prodding prodding prodding to get a reaction off me, and I don't get why?? I've literally done fuck all to you?"  
"You really don't get it, do you?" Jordan sighed bitterly.  
"No I really don't. Care to explain?"  
"You disgust me." He suddenly growled, taking an aggressive step forwards and scaring Josh, although he did his best to hide it.

"You. Disgust. Me."  
"What, because I kissed a guy? Please, it's 2017, grow the fuck up."  
"Shut the fuck up." Jordan shoved Josh, slamming his back against the wall and earning a hiss as his shoulder bashed into the sharp edge of the radiator. "You disgust me."   
"You said that already."  
"You're fucking pathetic, people walk all over you and you fucking let them." He spat in Josh's face. "Well, not all of them can walk."  
"Why don't you just leave Ty out of this?! Fine, you don't like me because I'm actually a good person who willingly helps other people, but that doesn't mean you constantly need to talk shit about Tyler whenever you damn please."

"You know what people say about you behind your back?" Jordan growled, face only inches from Josh. "They call y-"  
"You know what, I don't fucking care Jordan! If they're anything like you then why would I value their opinion? If they mock me because I'm friends with Tyler then they're not worth shit to me. Nothing anyone says is gonna change the fact that he's my best friend and I want to be there for him. So for the final time, get out of my fucking way." Josh snapped, finally summoning the strength and the courage to shove the younger but taller teen off him, enabling him to storm straight out of the house and straight over to Tyler's.

 

 

  
All it took was 2 minutes with Tyler for Josh to feel absolutely fine again - his happiness was infectious. After yet another delicious breakfast they went to school for another day of mundane lessons and counting down the minutes until they would see each other again. When the bell finally rang for lunch, Josh practically sprinted to the canteen in hopes to see his best friend.

Rather predictably, Tyler hadn't arrived yet. Due to several hidden steps that nobody else even noticed, Tyler had to take a rather long route around the school campus to get from special ed classrooms to the canteen. However it wasn't long before Brendon and Sarah wandered in, gave each other a kiss goodbye then went there separate ways. Josh saw Sarah sit down next to Jenna and she waved so he waved back, then smiled at Brendon as he sat on his table.

"Yeh I saw that cheeky wave, how did last night go?"  
"Wasn't a date."  
"Here we go again," Brendon rolled his eyes.   
"It wasn't, she said so, however I did get sooome action."  
"Tell me more." He smiled intrigued but also suspicious.   
"You know my thing with the barista? Yep, happened again."  
"Daaamn Dun, date one girl and snog another guy, didn't know you were such a dog."  
"Wasnt-"  
"A date, I know." He finished with him then laughed.   
"I found out his name, Dale."  
"Wow, you guys are taking such a big step in your relationship, proud Papa."  
"Shut up." Josh laughed. "He also gave me his number, said to call him."  
"Call him as in call him whilst you're both laying underneath the same stars and looking at the same constellation, speaking about your dreams and aspirations and fears; or call him as in call him for a bootycall?"   
"I think considering I only learnt his name yesterday and we've made out half a dozen times, probably the latter." Josh admitted with a guilty giggle, but Brendon's face fell as he looked behind Josh.

"K don't turn and stare, don't make a big scene, but I think Tyler's catheter's leaked."  
"Oh shit," Josh sighed, then looked and saw the wet patch on Tyler's jogging bottoms. "Right, I'll sort it, thanks Bren."  
"Hope he's okay." Brendon said as Josh stood up and tried to walk quickly yet casually over to Tyler, stopping him in his journey. He looked up at him confused and completely oblivious.

"Come with me a sec Ty,"  
"What's going on?"  
"Just come with me." Josh insisted, so Tyler turned on the spot and followed him back out of the canteen and down the hall. He opened up the disabled toilet at the end and held it for Tyler to enter first, then closed and locked the door behind them.

When he turned to face Tyler, it was clear he had connected the dots as he had covered his face with his hands.   
"No no no no,"  
"Ty,"  
"No this can't be happening, no, no, no,"  
"Tyler, calm down, it's okay,"  
"IT'S NOT OKAY!" He shouted out then hid his face again. "Half the bloody school just saw me covered in pee."  
"Tyler I doubt anyone noticed."  
"You did!"  
"Because I was looking for you, why would anyone else be watching the door for you specially?"  
"I'm the freak in the chair Josh, everyone looks."  
"Oi, don't call yourself that."  
"Why not?!"  
"Because it's not true Tyler, okay, it's not true." Josh told him reassuringly but wasn't convinced Tyler was listening, let alone taking in what he was saying.

"It's gonna be okay, I'll clean you up, nobody's gonna say anything."  
"But they'll be thinking things, whispering behind my back," he mumbled sadly.   
"They won't."  
"They will."  
"Won't. Listen, I've got some spare joggers in my gym kit, are you going to be okay by yourself for 30 seconds whilst I run to my locker and grab them for you?" Josh offered but Tyler ignored him. "I'll be right back."

Josh stuck to his promise and literally sprinted down the corridor. He vaguely heard some teacher shouting at him for it, but that wasn't exactly his priority and he reached his locker, for once actually thankful that it was on this side of the school. On autopilot he twisted his code and pulled it open, then began rummaging through his Nike kit bag before finally feeling his grey jogger fabric connect with his fingertips. He yanked them out then shoved the bag away again, only just shutting the locker properly before his feet started carrying him straight back to Tyler.

He pushed the bathroom door open again and whilst he locked it, he could hear Tyler's borderline hysterical sobs.  
"Tyler it's okay, I'm back, it's okay."  
"Stop sa-ying e-everyth-thing's okay w-when it's not!"  
"I'm sorry, I'll stop, but you need to understand that you have no reason to feel embarrassed or ashamed or guilty, you've done nothing wrong and this is out of your control. Nobody's going to think this is your fault. It's not your fault."  
"It is!"  
"Shhh, Ty, Ty listen to me, you need to calm down, this isn't the end of the world, yeah? It's just a catheter leak, that's all, just a catheter leak. And when you calm down then we can check the connections and stop it leaking anymore, and then we can clean this up and and swap you into these dry pants. It'll take 5 minutes, job done, then you can forget about it." Josh said closely and calmly, crouching on the floor opposite where Tyler was still sobbing and sobbing into his hands. He wasn't getting any calmer or any dryer, and Josh wasn't getting any less concerned.

Ever since Tyler was 4 years old, he'd been the kid who could quite easily cry himself sick. Although it had got better with age, Josh could quickly tell when another episode was starting up again and now was definitely one of them. He was hysterical and already covered in urine but now snot and tears too, and Josh knew that no amount of bathroom tissues and water was going to get him comfortable enough to survive another 3 periods of school. No, what Tyler needed was a bath and some motherly love.

"Ty," he hummed softly after another few seconds. "Tyler, do you want me to take you home?"

 

 

  
After Mom had washed him and towelled him down and dried his hair and dressed him in his softest pyjamas, she took him to her bed and laid beside him. His parent's bed was the only place, other than the floor, where Tyler could properly feel comfortable and relaxed in his mother's arms - although the floor had been the location of many breakdowns when he first came home from hospital, falling from things then sobbing on the ground and her laying beside him till he was calm enough to lift.

Things were supposed to be better now, it had been 2 years and he was supposed to be better at this. The days of incorrectly attached catheters were supposed to be behind him and he swore the tears in the school bathroom would never happen again, and yet here he was. Once again, relying on his Mommy to pick him up early from school because he was sad.

But he wasn't just sad, he was also covered in piss and completely and utterly humiliated. It had been hard enough to convince people he could still understand when they spoke to him normally, now he'd have to convince everyone that he wasn't actually some fucking baby who still wet himself from time to time. All his hard work at earning some respect back, gone. Back to the laughing stock of the entire school it was then.

"Shhh baby, shhshh," Mom whispered into his ear and Tyler knew she was stroking up and down his back but he could only feel the top of each repetitive motion.

It was an impossible task, to stop crying, and Tyler knew a lot about impossible tasks - almost everything was one to him now. The things he could do independently could be counted on one calloused hand, and the things he couldn't? Endless.

"Sweetheart if you keep this up then you're gonna work yourself up into a panic attack, so try to slow it down, yeah? Slow." She murmured reassuringly. "Slower breaths, let's not wear those lungs out angel."  
"M-om,"  
"I'm here Ty, Mom's here."  
"I don't, I don't like it."  
"I know baby, it's scary."  
"I don't like it." Tyler sobbed as she hugged him tightly.   
"Tyler listen to me, okay? You've done so well, come so far, been so brave and made us all so so proud. And today? Today was a bad day, but that doesn't mean that tomorrow's going to be a bad day too. It was a little slip up, that's all, you haven't fallen all the way down again baby. Today doesn't undo all the progress you've made."

"Mom I ha-hate thi-i-s,"  
"I know Ty,"

She claimed to know, but how could she possibly know? How would anyone ever understand what it was like to wake up each morning, forgetting you couldn't sit up, to try and to fail and to be reminded and flooded with the pain all over again. How could she say she knew when Tyler had no words that would ever explain the amalgamation of grief and anger and constant sense of loss.

"Breathe for me baby."  
"I wish, I, I wish D-a-ad ne-ver p-p-ulled m-me, o-ou-t." He gasped desperately.   
"Tyler don't say that."  
"It's true! I wish, I-I wish-" Tyler almost said the words but again his mom disallowed it.   
"Don't say it."  
"He sh-should've left me, in, i-in the car,"  
"Tyler stop it, please baby, stop it." Mom whispered and Tyler knew there were tears in her eyes too.   
"I, I was m-meant to die, Mom I should have died!"  
"But you didn't and that's a miracle for which we're all gr-"  
"I WISH I HAD!" Tyler screeched before sobbing.

This wasn't about a stupid fucking catheter, this was yet again about his body failing him. He couldn't fucking do anything, couldn't do anything at all, couldn't dress or wash or walk or sit or fucking breathe at night. Going from an elite basketball player set for a scholarship to a cripple in a chair with less than half a functioning body was as soul crushing and devastating as the front of a car crumpling around his body.

"I'd rather be dead, I'd rather be dead, I'd rather be dead,' I'd-"   
"Tyler stop it! You stop it right now young man!" Mom half ordered half begged, hot tears streaking her cheeks. "Your father did not run back to that burning car for you to hate him for it."  
"He should've ha-ave, should have left me."  
"And then what Tyler? Then I lose my eldest son?"  
"YOU ALREADY HAVE MOM!" Tyler shrieked desperately, unable to heave in enough air. "HE'S GONE! I'M NOT HIM, I CAN'T BE HIM!"   
"Baby shhh, please, these words, they don't mean anything, please, you don't mean this,"  
"I do,"  
"You don't."  
"I do Mom! I do I do I do!" He wept. "I'm sick of this! Of being this! I don't want to do it anymore."  
"Well guess what Tyler? This isn't just about you! You're not allowed to just decide that you've had enough! What about us? Hey? Because we almost lost you once and I'm not letting you slip out of my grasp for even a moment ever again."

"Tyler," Mom said a moment later. "When the car flipped, do you remember where I was?"  
"Jay's, baseball, game." He gulped.   
"Yeah, yeah that's right angel. And when Dad called me, told me what happened, the nurse had to hold the phone to his ear because his hands were too burnt. I couldn't understand him, he was talking too fast and he was crying Ty, he was crying hard so I told him to put you on so that you could explain what was going on. But you couldn't Ty, you couldn't."  
"Mom,"  
"And I put two and two again and I knew something had happened, I dragged Jay out of the game and drove straight to the hospital. The nurse, I figured you'd be with your dad, so the nurse at front desk, I only asked her where Dad would be. I left Jay with her and I went to Dad, and Dad was in a cubicle Ty, he was sat on the edge of this bed, hands held out in front of him. I was crying Tyler, so much, he was covered in black smoke dirt, dried blood, his burnt crisp hands wrapped in Saran Wrap. He, he was holding them out in front of him a-and, and I asked him if they were hurting, if he was in pain. He shook his head, said, um, he was crying and I was crying, and he said, he said he carried you Ty, he said he had tried to get you out, that he'd carried you, that he thought it was too late." She sobbed and so hid he.

"But he still had his arms out in front of him Ty, he had them out, and he said that they had taken you away, snatched you away from him, but he didn't want to put them down because he didn't want to put you down because he didn't want to let you go. Tyler he thought you were dead and he was holding his arms out because he wanted to remember the shape of your body." Mom completely broke down. "So no, no, no don't you dare say any of those things about yourself."  
"I'm s-o-r-ry,"  
"We thought you were dead Tyler, we grieved for you, then when they finally said you were alive and on the vent, we wept with joy. I know it's hard baby, I know it's so so hard not to have your legs, but we are grateful for every single movement of every single muscle you do have, we are grateful for every single beat of your heart and that's never going to change Tyler. It feels like a loss to you, going from everything to this, but for us, every single thing is an increase. We thought you were dead, all of this is building up from us having nothing. You were dead and now you're alive and thriving Tyler, you're happy. Please baby, I know it doesn't feel like enough sometimes, but please Tyler, you have to try to understand that sometimes happiness isn't having everything, it's valuing everything you do have."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Debby hate is ridiculous, why can't people just be kind?


	6. Chapter 6

Although Tyler had spent the rest of the day in his mom's bed, when it came to nighttime he had to be with his equipment and that meant he had to move to his own bedroom. However that didn't mean he was alone. For the first time in weeks, Mom had slept in the carer's bed and he had company during the dark hours.

It had already been arranged that he'd take the day off. Tyler couldn't exactly put his finger on why he needed time off, but he agreed with his parents' suggestion and knew it was for the best. Maybe he was exhausted, maybe he was scared of what would happen at school, maybe he'd just had a rough couple of years and needed to allow himself a little extra slack just to regather himself every now and then. No matter what the reason, it felt right.

Not needing to be up for Josh's ride didn't mean Tyler had a lie in, no, it was gonna take more than a minor breakdown to stop him from attending his family's feast of a breakfast. Admittedly it did feel a bit odd not having Josh sat round the corner from him at the table, and he was fairly certain that his mom had said something to his siblings because they were all being very complimentary of him over next to nothing, but other than that it was a fairly normal breakfast.

Zack left the house first to get a ride with his friend down the street, then Mom started getting the little ones ready to leave for school. She was still working on shoes and coats when Dad sat down next to Tyler and let out a deep sigh. Tyler knew he wasn't about to get shouted at, which meant he was about to receive a heavy talk instead. But honestly? Honestly he felt like he sort of needed one with him, especially after hearing Mom's story yesterday. Dad wasn't a big talker or a big communicator in general, and Tyler had realised that they very rarely had a father son heart to heart. Seemed like today would be the day.

"You, uh, you have something to eat kid?" Dad asked despite serving him a plate full of low sugar food no less than 15 minutes ago.   
"Yeh I did thanks."  
"Good good,"  
"Dad you don't have to try and break the ice or anything," Tyler smiled at him as he looked uncomfortable. "If you wanna talk, talk."  
"Talk, right, yeah, yeah that's what I wanted to do." He sighed but didn't start talking and instead leant back and reached deep into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet. Tyler watched in silence as he unfolded the leather, and tried not to stare too hard at the warped and twisted burn scars that traced along his hands. They were more severe and more pigmented on the right, but still the left was twisted and pulled tight in some places but wrinkled in others. It was all from saving him, from sticking his hands into a burning vehicle to pull him out and save him.

"Alrighty let's see what we've got." Dad hummed as he unzipped one compartment then pulled out a collection of small photographs. "You know who that ugly mug belongs too?"  
"Me." Tyler smiled, taking the stamp-sized portrait of him as a nearly newborn from his dad and smiling at it.   
"And I've got the other 3 rotters as babies too." He said, sliding them across the table for Tyler to inspect with a small smile on his face. Jay had barely changed at all.

"This one's of you two bigger boys in elementary school, you were in fourth grade and Zack second." Dad continued to sift through the pictures and pass them across.   
"I think Jay's got that shirt now."  
"Most likely." He smiled. "I like this one, all 4 of you with your Pop on his 80th birthday."  
"Oh I like that one too."  
"Then this one's you at your Aunt Carol's wedding." Dad handed him a photo of him aged maybe 9 or 10, dressed in a tux and dancing on a table.

"Is that Josh?" Tyler finished looking at the image and looked at the pile in his father's scarred hands instead.   
"Course, couldn't not have one of him, he's like a fifth kid." He nodded, making Tyler smile. He gave Tyler the photo to inspect closer, it was an old candid of both of them playing in the treehouse in the backyard and looked like it had been taken from the kitchen window.

"And then there's this one." Dad sighed, sliding across an image that made Tyler's smile drop. Him in the coma. "I've got lots and lots of you in hospital, and these are just the ones I printed out. Loads more on my phone."  
"Oh," was all Tyler could say, barely able to bring himself to look down at the 5 photos Dad had presented him with. First was him on a ventilator in a coma, second was off the ventilator but still in the coma, third was the day he woke up but he was far too dazed to smile, fourth was him just after coming out of surgery, and fifth was him sat in his first wheelchair in the rehabilitation hospital.

"Why, w-why do you have these Dad?"   
"Why did I take them? Or why did I keep them?"  
"Well, both?" He said, nervous for the reply.   
"I took them because at the time we didn't know how much time you had Ty. I wanted to have the most recent photo I could, so, you know, if you passed away then at least I could treasure a photo and know that it was what you looked like when you passed. Thought it would help me remember." Dad said quietly but couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. "Every hour or so, something would be different. Maybe a bruise had gone down a little tiny bit or a gauze had been replaced so it looked cleaner or some blood would be wiped away, and you'd look better even though you weren't. Then I'd take a photo so I could try and remember the best version of you."  
"You took the photos in case I died?"  
"Yes. I didn't want to forget what you looked like - I wouldn't have, I couldn't have - but I wanted to make sure."

"And when I did start to get better, you didn't stop photographing?"  
"Well we didn't know that you were out of the woods yet. Plus with the surgeries and everything, there could have been complications, anything could have gone wrong. I just, I wanted as many photos as possible of you Tyler because I knew that if I lost you then I'd never take another photo of you ever again and I hated the idea of not having enough but not being able to take anymore and regretting it for the rest of my life."  
"Mmm." Tyler nodded, biting his lip and trying not to cry.

"As for keeping. I kept them because I had nightmares Ty."  
"What?"  
"For 3 months after the crash, I had the same nightmare over and over again every night. That the car flipped, that I took Zack and Maddy out of harm's way, that I ran back to the passenger seat to get you, but when I pulled you out you were already dead."  
"It was a memory."  
"Yes, it was a memory, and it was a scary memory that used to make me cry and used to make me panic Ty. Like a lot. But then I printed the photo out and every time I woke up in tears, I could find this print and I could be reminded that you weren't dead, that you were in ICU but you were alive and that was what counted. This photo dragged me back from the edge of hysterical guilt many many times, I could never take it out of my wallet."  
"I didn't know."

"I have more too." Dad said a moment later, reaching in and pulling out another two photographs, looking at them himself before passing them to Tyler. The first was both of them in a gym after one of Tyler's wheelchair basketball games, grinning at the camera. Then the second was another candid taken from kitchen window and it must have been recent since Josh had yellow hair; it depicted the best friends in their usual place, Tyler in the hammock and Josh in his chair. Tyler had his hands behind his head and was laughing, and it made him smile just to look at.

"You've been on quite a journey kiddo, and I like having the photos so I can look back and see how far you've come. I mean look at the kid in that photo, then look at him in this one. Totally different people." He said, pointing at the image of Tyler in his wheelchair for the first time in rehab, then at the one after a game. "Physically, you're not all that different, but mentally is a whole other ball game. You should be proud of yourself son, we all are."   
"Thank you Dad."

"I know it can be hard to rely on other people heavily, and I would understand if you ever feel like that's a bad thing, but I need you to understand that we love you son, and when you love someone you'd do anything for them. You're not a burden, you're not too much, you're not anything along those lines, you're my boy and I love you."  
"I love you too Dad." Tyler could feel himself getting emotional.

"Things change, that's life. Do I wish it had never happened? Yes of course. Would I change my decision to go back for you? Never in a million years. Tyler, Mom told me what you were saying yesterday and I want you to know that if you ever feel like that again, if you ever wish I'd left you, you come and talk to me. I'll defend my decision until my jaw goes numb and your ears are bleeding, I'll always defend it and I regret nothing."  
"I was just, I was having a bad day, I didn't mean it."  
"And it's okay to have bad days and say things you don't mean, as long as deep down you know that you're loved and respected and worthy of saving."  
"Thanks Dad." He smiled tearfully and his dad reached across and patted him on the shoulder then kept his hand there fondly.

"Now I have to admit Ty, when you first came home and didn't play any basketball I was relieved because previously I had been worried about you potentially getting better than your old man, however that relief didn't last long because this new team of yours seem to be whipping you back into shape. I've got the late shift today, how'd you fancy having a little 1on1 on the court out front before I go? Showing me what you've got?"  
"Depends, how'd you fancy having your butt kicked by a kid in a wheelchair?" Tyler smirked.   
"Ooo fighting talk."  
"Bring it on." He laughed, happy to have some much time with his Dad like the old days. His Dad, the man who understood him and loved him and saved him, and he loved him for it.

 

 

  
Wednesday morning, Josh woke up to a text from Zack saying that Tyler was taking a sick day and therefore didn't need a ride to school. It was weird to drive his own car for a change, he was so used to the heavy steering on the Joseph van that it took him a couple of corners to remember exactly how to drive it.

Sick day for Tyler didn't usually mean that he was under the weather, however Josh totally respected his need for time out and rest. Yesterday had been rough to say the least and, even though he didn't know what had happened in the afternoon, he knew Tyler was making the right decision by staying home. A little break could do him the world of good.

Josh's first class of the day was English and it was a laugh because Brendon and Spencer spent the entire lesson trying to push each other out of their chair, Brendon being the only successful one. After English was probably the longest Spanish lesson ever, then third he had history.

Mr Wade was the kind of teacher who could fall asleep in class and none of his students would notice since he was so indolent. His lesson plans usually involved turning up, getting one of the kids on the front row to go and make copies of a worksheet in the Teacher's lounge, then sitting at his desk whilst the group worked through it independently. Although to be honest Josh couldn't remember the last time he'd bothered to take his lid off his pen in a history class.

Today's lesson he'd prepared exactly nothing, so everyone had sort of assumed that they were free to work on the homework project instead. Most pairs got out their limited work they'd done so far then ignored it and instead had a chat, and Jenna and Josh were no different.

They hadn't known each other very long at all, 2 days, and yet Josh felt like he knew the girl pretty well already. He'd learnt she was born in Cincinnati but had moved to New York when she was 5 and only moved back to Ohio a week ago due to a career change for her mother. She was the youngest of 5, 2 big sisters and 2 big brothers, and genuinely seemed to love life. She was always smiling, always happy, always gracious and always kind.

"Have you heard back from Dale?" She asked whilst shading a random tornado onto the corner of her page with a pencil.   
"Yeh kinda, I texted him so he'd have my number and he replied to that."  
"Saying?? Or is it too explicit for my delicate ears?"  
"Hahaha no, just saying hey and thanks for replying basically."  
"Please tell me you replied to that?"  
"Nope."  
"Aw come on Josh, if the door is open then you gotta run through it. He was giving you an opportunity to talk, to properly talk."  
"I don't think he was, I reckon he was literally just saying thanks."  
"And this is why you're single." She teased.

"We've had plenty of opportunities to talk, we just haven't."  
"Because your tongue is too busy rammed down his throat."  
"Yep pretty much." Josh laughed. "I don't think he's much of a talker though."  
"Never know if you don't at least try."   
"What would even talk about?"  
"I mean considering you've talked about literally nothing, I'd say that the list of potential conversation topics remaining is pretty long."  
"Ha." Josh rolled his eyes then smiled.

"I think you should ask him out."  
"Hmmm, ugh, I dunno Jenna,"  
"What's the worst that could happen?"  
"He says no, it gets awkward, I don't get my fix round the back of the coffee shop." He smirked. "And if I'm honest I've never dated a boy, guess I'm just nervous."  
"Have you dated anyone before?"  
"Yeah, a girl back in sophomore year, Debby, things just didn't work out I guess. After about 5 months of dating was when Tyler first got hurt and we were having loads of arguments anyway, I used to get upset a lot and I changed a ton to cope with the Tyler consciousness situation and it meant we weren't a good fit anymore."  
"Oh I'm sorry."  
"Nah don't be, something's just aren't meant to be." Josh shrugged. "We tried the whole friends thing but it didn't really work, and she moved away last fall and I haven't spoken to her since."  
"Yeah,"

"I dunno, even though it was ages ago it still seems weird to say I'm moving on."  
"Well she was your first relationship, that's special and always will be, but it won't be spoilt by someone new." She said wisely, still doodling away with her pencil.   
"What if Dale doesn't even like me though?"  
"What is he's madly in love with you?"  
"I only learnt his name on Monday, I highly doubt that."  
"Eh, I dunno Josh, he seemed pretty keen to me." Jenna winked.

 

 

  
Drawing had been something Tyler had never really explored until other hobbies were forcefully taken off the table. He knew he was pretty good with a pencil before the crash, but his mind had been too busy to even imagine sitting down and drawing for no purpose other than joy. However now that sitting down was all he could do, drawing was one of his go to activities. When he wasn't drawing, he was imagining what he could try and draw later that day.

He didn't know a lot of art or artists, never claimed to be anything remotely close to an expert, all he did know was that he liked putting marks on paper and liked being able to look at a page he created a couple of months ago and compare it to his most recent work and see the improvements. It was something he could get better at and actually see results, which made a nice change from having a complete spinal chord injury where there was no chance of improvement.

Again, he wasn't an expert, but he supposed his 'style' as such was black and white neotraditional pencil and fineliner sketches. He liked to draw weird stuff. He liked women with blacked out eyes and supernatural beings and human-bird hybrids and mythical tales and horns. He liked to draw Medusa and banshees and Maleficent, he liked to draw ravens and enchantresses and deer skulls. He liked to draw.

Other than a trip to the store with his mom for groceries and fresh air, Tyler had spent the day at the kitchen stable sketching. Usually he had basketball on a Wednesday night but he was too exhausted, emotionally and physically, to go. Instead he worked on his latest piece, a headshot of a 40s style pin up girl except her eyes were black and her hair curled up into a blackbird. Well it would eventually, once he finally finished the damn outline sketch.

His mom was stood at the stove behind him, preparing the start of dinner. They wouldn't eat for another hour or so but she always liked to be ready and it was one of the millions of things Tyler loved about her.

He heard a knock on the door and glanced up at the clock. It was about the time Zack was due home from school and he sighed, typical Zack forgetting his key.  
"Oh that'll be Josh."  
"Josh? Isn't it just Zack?" Tyler asked.   
"Maybe it'll be both." She smiled as she wiped her hands. "Josh texted me earlier, asked for permission to come round after school. I said yes."

As she walked off to go and answer the door, Tyler smiled to himself. Not only was he pleased to see his best friend, he was also happy because his best friend was honestly just too pure for this world.

"Hey hey hey," a familiar voice said, and Tyler looked over his shoulder and laughed when he saw Josh walk in with a Papa John's pizza box and a DVD case in his hands.   
"Haha wow, hey,"  
"Alright boys you can eat that on the condition that you don't let any of the littleones know, otherwise all hell will break loose."  
"Yeeessss Moooommmm," they both said at the exact same time, then both laughed at each other and themselves.   
"Honestly you two," she shook her head. "Right, get outta here, I'll tidy this up Ty."  
"Don't worry I've got it." Josh told her, scooping up all of Tyler's drawing equipment and balancing it on top of the pizza box whilst Tyler took the brakes off his chair and reversed out from underneath the table.

"Thanks Josh, be good you two."  
"We will." Tyler smiled as he lead the way down the corridor and round the corner to where his bedroom was. His door slid back inside the wall, so it was easy for Tyler to push it out of the way and get into the room, propelling himself straight over to the desk.

"Here ya go."  
"Thanks," he said, taking the drawing and pencil set off Josh and putting them down in the right places.   
"Woah, what's this?" Josh asked, picking up his earlier piece from the day.   
"I dunno, just trying out something with a bit of colour for a change."  
"This is, well, stunning Tyler."  
"Eh, thanks."  
"It's Jenna's, right?"  
"It's just a blue eye." Tyler shrugged as he took it back, inspecting the hand sized sketch closely and feeling strangely warm towards it. Made a change to the usual annoyance he felt towards his works.

"She inspired it, you can't tell me any differently Ty. It's not a coincidence that she's got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and then you create this."  
"Guilty." He sighed with a little smile. "She's so gorgeous J."  
"That she is. Kind too, really kind."  
"You've got to know her a bit then?"  
"Yep, since soooomebody abandoned me, I had to make new friends." Josh teased and Tyler laughed. "Just kidding, but yeah, we get on really well. She wants to meet you actually."  
"She does?" Tyler failed to hide his grin.   
"Nawww, has someone got a likkle crush??"  
"Me? What's this I've heard about you and coffee hottie?!"  
"We have got so much to talk about..." Josh sighed.

"True, but if this pizza goes cold then I will literally never ever ever forgive you."  
"Right, let's stick the movie on, both get in your bed, eat the pizza and ignore the movie whilst having a good old fashioned gossip."  
"Sounds like a plan. What movie?" Tyler asked, and Josh gave him a 'really?!' glance. "Fight club?"  
"Fight club, of course it's fight club. Wow, honestly, we don't see each other for 28 hours and suddenly it's like you don't even remember me anymore Ty."  
"Shut up you idiot and whack it on." Tyler laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eughh I'm sad and I hate technology... I wrote the next three chapters of the DID sequel and I thought I was really clever because I put all of them in one document so that my friend could read them smoothly. Course the document corrupted and I can't get access to it >:(  
> I also made a copy on a memory stick but that's on my boyfriend's key ring and he's abroad for the next four weeks, YAY!  
> Basically I've lost 15000 words of work that I was really proud of. I'm gonna try to recover the file but otherwise I'm gonna have to rewrite it which sucks balls. Yay. Brb, gonna go have a lil cry


	7. Chapter 7

"Oh Josh, before I forget, I don't need a ride back tonight so you two can leave without me." Zack said as Josh turned the corner, feeling the familiar heave of the heavy van.  
"Yep okeydokes, no problem. Whatcha doing? Another date with Tatum?"  
"Just football practice."  
"Since when were you on the football team?"  
"Firstly, hey, offence taken. I'll have you know that I'm very good at catching stuff and running fast and Coach says they're transferable skills." Zack smiled. "Secondly, I'm on the team since I took your brother's place."  
"Wow, break it to him gently." Tyler tutted from the back.

"Wait, what's this? Jordan left the team?"  
"Left, permanently banned, they're basically the same thing right?"  
"He got banned? What the Hell did he do now?"  
"He didn't tell you?" Zack said surprised.  
"Nope, but he's an asshole who rarely talks to me without some sort of homophobic slur or insult so it doesn't particularly surprise me."  
"He's not that bad, he's just got a lot of crap going on."  
"Zack if Josh says that's what he's like then don't tell him he's wrong." Tyler defended him.  
"Sorry,"

"S'fine. A lot of crap going on? What do you mean? Is this why he got barred?" Josh was more interested in the truth than in feelings getting hurt.  
"He got barred because, uh, how do I put this delicately, he doinked the coach's daughter."  
"What??" Josh was shocked and had to remind himself to look at the road. "He's 16! Why the hell is he sleeping with anyone?! Let alone Coach's daughter?!"  
"Dude have you seen her?"  
"Zack." Tyler warned again. "Come on, have some respect,"  
"Ty, come on, use your eyes."  
"Isn't she, like, a college freshman? Laura or Lauren or something." He asked from the back.  
"Yep, Lauren. Apparently she's into bad boys." Zack said casually out of the window and Josh was quite frankly horrified.

"Jordan is not a bad boy, he's an asshole." Josh murmured bitterly as he pulled into the school parking lot and went straight to the disabled parking space right next to the entrance. "And if he wants to fuck up his football, which by the way is the only way he's ever gonna get into college, then that's his fault and he deserves whatever the fallout is. He did the wrong thing, he just has to accept the punishment."  
"Well it's not quite that simple though is it?" Zack said.  
"Why not?"  
"He was gonna get kicked off anyway, this was just his revenge."  
"How do I not know any of this?" Josh sighed. "Is it his grades?"  
"Yep."  
"He does no work at home, I'm not even surprised quite frankly. Yet again, actions have consequences. If he wants good grades then he needs to try, but he doesn't care enough and yet he's pissed when they kick him off? Everyone knows how it works, everyone else can keep there grades up, what makes him so special that he should be the exception. Nope, don't feel sorry for him."  
"But-"  
"Zack just stop defending him, alright? Josh has made his view pretty clear." Tyler intervened again.  
"And if you heard the way he spoke about your brother then you wouldn't be on his side either." Josh sighed before unbuckling his belt and climbing out his door then going round the back to help Tyler out.

He opened the door and pulled the ramp out whilst Zack jumped straight in and began unanchoring Tyler's wheels. The boys worked well as a team and it was an extremely rehearsed drill so only took a couple of minutes before Tyler was out and Josh was locking up.

"Thanks for the ride, see you tomorrow?" Zack waved as he walked off to see his friends on the other side, and Josh waved back.  
"Bye,"  
"Sorry about him." Tyler said as they began their own route in the opposite direction.  
"Nah it's alright, he didn't mean anything by it."  
"You okay? I know Jordan always gets under your skin."  
"Yeh I'm alright, just pissed off I guess."  
"Yeh."  
"Did you know all that stuff about him and the Coach's daughter?" Josh asked as he made eye contact with Spencer and waved.  
"I did but he only told me this morning, so I only knew about half an hour before you."  
"Eugh, right, okay."

"Hey," Spencer greeted them both and Patrick and Pete stopped kissing and said their hellos too.  
"I quickly just need to go find my brother, I'll catch you all later?"  
"Wait Josh, what?" Tyler said confused.  
"I just, I wanna hear him explain himself."  
"What if he lashes out? Is it worth it?"  
"School's better than home, at least he'll get punished here if he comes at me. I'll see you later?"  
"Yeh course, stay safe,"  
"Bye." Josh said quickly then jogged off back towards the group of boys he had seen a moment ago.

He wasn't really sure why he cared so much about what his brother did, he highly doubted it was returned, however he couldn't switch off his brotherly instincts, even for an asshole.

"Aaron, hey, Aaron."  
"Oh, uh, hey Josh," Aaron looked up from the bench he was sat on, and the other 3 boys with him ignored him and looked at the ground.  
"Have you seen Jordan? Is he here yet?"  
"Yeh maybe,"  
"Where is he?"  
"I dunno."  
"Well where did you see him?"  
"I dunno."  
"Aaron, come on, where is he?"  
"Oi, the fuck do you want pufter? Fuck off back to your pet spastic." Jordan appeared from nowhere and joined his friends, standing between Josh and Aaron aggressively.

"Good morning to you too, can I have a quick word?"  
"Here have two. Fuck. Off."  
"Jordan, I know about Lauren. As of right now, Dad doesn't know. If you wanna keep it that way, I highly advise you follow me."  
"You tryna fucking blackmail me?" Jordan laughed.  
"Depends. Is it working?"  
"The Hell do you want Josh?"  
"I want to speak to you in private." Josh took a gamble and began walking off, and for a moment he thought he'd blown it, but was pleasantly surprised when Jordan started following him towards the school entrance. They ducked inside the corridors, which were basically empty since everyone always waited outside till the day began, then Josh checked the first classroom on the left and found it to be empty too. He pushed the door then held it open for Jordan before shutting it behind them.

"What?! What do you want?"  
"On Tuesday you said that I didn't get it, I didn't understand why you treat me the way you do. Today I find out that you slept with your coach's daughter, that you got kicked off the football team and that your grades have all turned to shit. I wanna know, are they linked?"  
"Why do you care?"  
"Because I'm your brother Jordan, and I know that that doesn't mean anything to you, but to me it means that I care about you."  
"Pfff, please, that's the biggest pile of bullshit I've ever heard."  
"It's true, despite all the crap you put me through, I care about you Jordan. I know it's a novel concept that you might not be able to get your closed minded little head around, but I care about you." Josh said, bracing himself for the heat he was no doubt about to endure. However he was surprised by Jordan's reaction. Rather than shoving him or shouting at him or bringing him pain somehow, he sighed and sat down on one of the desks and stared at the ground for a while.

"Have you got any idea how long I waited to hear you say that?"  
"What?" Josh asked quietly.  
"For so many weeks, months in fact, I wanted nothing more than to know you cared. Eventually I had to let go."  
"Jordan what are you talking about?"  
"I had shit I needed to talk to my big brother about and you weren't there."  
"I'm sorry." He said softly and genuinely, still confused. "Do you wanna talk now?"  
"What good will that do?" Jordan sighed, and Josh looked at his suddenly vulnerable brother and felt guilty.

"I think it's gonna do a lot of good Jord, I don't know what's happened but I do know you're upset that I don't. Talking, it would solve one problem at least."  
"This is dumb."  
"No it's not."  
"It is."  
"Jordan, what happened? What did you want to talk about?" Josh asked, sitting next to him on the desk and waiting as he clearly had an internal debate over whether to open himself up or not.

"There was this girl."  
"Right."  
"She um, we met online, it wasn't a dating thing or anything, it was Instagram actually. Anyway, it was a couple of weeks after Tyler's crash and I couldn't sleep and I just went on Instagram and she commented on one of my pics on my photography account, saying she liked it. I was just, I dunno, bored I guess? Tired, bored, upset, whatever, and I sent her a message saying hey."  
"Yeah,"  
"She replied, we talked, I found out she lived in Victoria so when it was night for us it was day for her. Meant we could talk a lot because I couldn't sleep because I was scared about Tyler, and she was there."  
"Yeah," Josh nodded. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."  
"No no, at that point it was okay, Tyler was really struggling then, even with just staying conscious, so I understood why you wanted to be at the rehab centre with him."  
"Yeah, thank you."

"I just talked to this girl every night,"  
"What's her name?"  
"Isabel." He said sadly to his feet.  
"Yeah,"  
"It was weird, I don't even know why we got on so well, but we did. Every night we'd talk for 3, 4, 5 hours sometimes. I told her about Tyler, about the crash, about everything going on and how I was struggling with understanding and coming to terms with it all, I mean you guys are so close that he was practically a brother to me. And she was so good Josh, she'd let me vent and she'd let me talk and talk and then she'd say a few paragraphs and it would genuinely make me feel so much better."  
"Yeah,"  
"And then one day, we'd been talking for a month and a half or something, one day I got a message from her mom on her account," Jordan whispered and Josh could hear the pain in his voice. "She killed herself Josh."  
"Shit." Josh sighed, immediately wrapping an arm around his little brother and hugged him tight to his chest, feeling as he let out a small shaky gasp.

"I am so sorry Jordan."  
"All I did was talk every night, me, never once did I encourage her to offload onto me, and now? Now she's dead J."  
"It's not your fault, it's not your fault."  
"What if I could have done something? What if I could have saved her?"  
"It's not your fault." Josh squeezed him tight, pressing his lips to his brother's head.

"She was gone, and, and I needed you, I wanted to tell you what had happened but you weren't there." Jordan heaved in shaky breaths but somehow managed to stay in control of his tears. "You were never there, you were always with Ty. I'd wait, I'd tell myself that tonight would be the night you'd come home, I'd tell myself that I just had to cope by myself for a little bit longer because any moment you would poke your heads round the door and ask me if I was okay, but you didn't Josh."  
"I'm sorry,"  
"If I had been able to rationalise then I would have told myself off because of course you should be with Ty and he needed you and I was being selfish, but that didn't change the fact that I was so alone and so upset and so, well, so guilty."  
"I should have been there, I'm sorry."

"It turned to anger, why didn't I say anything, why didn't she say anything, why did she do it?" He sniffed. "But I couldn't be angry at her, she was my friend, so it turned to you and it turned to Ty. Ty took you away, and you weren't there for me. And I'm sorry because I know it's irrational."  
"No, no it's okay Jordan, you were and are grieving, and you have every right to be mad because you're right, I wasn't there."

"I can't concentrate in class and I can't sleep and my grades have fallen. Coach Brigham started on me, always threatening me with sanctions and crap, and I've just built up this defence mechanism of aggression and we kept butting heads and I wanted to prove that I wasn't as pathetic as he thinks, that's why I got with Lauren. I don't even, I don't even know what I'm doing Josh."  
"It's okay."

"It's just grown and I've got myself in this mess and I don't know what to do because it's all spiralled. Now there's this massive riff between us and I don't know how to reach out and say that I'm sorry and that I need you."  
"Jordan it's okay, today that changes, it's okay, we're okay."  
"I'm so sorry."  
"It's okay." Josh hushed him, keeping him hugged tight to his chest. "It's okay."

 

 

Just as Tyler was about to leave special ed to head to the canteen, Josh pounced on him and explained haphazardly that he was going to have lunch with his brother. Tyler didn't really understand why but he understood Josh would have a reason that he'd explain later, so of course Tyler gave him 'permission' as such.

Although Tyler was feeling better, genuinely better, he still felt a little apprehensive about having a repeat episode of the last time he went to the canteen alone. During the short corridor he checked his lap 4 times and every time he was fine but every time he felt his breath hitch in his throat. Eventually he realised the amount of pressure he was putting on himself wasn't worth it and immediately he span 180 and headed back where he came from.

One of Tyler's favourite people on earth was his old music teacher, Mrs Diaz. Because of his long stint in rehab, he'd missed too much of the syllabus coursework to take music as an official timetabled class, however she was equally as fond as him and he therefore had permission to use the music practice rooms whenever he wished.

She gave him the key to practice room 3 and they made friendly chit chat for a few minutes which helped him to calm down significantly, then she left him to it and Tyler set himself up in front of the piano and started playing.

He hadn't written many lyrics recently, although he rarely sang in school because he knew how thin the walls were. However that didn't stop him messing about with the keys, playing random scales followed by strong chords. He could no longer press the peddles of the piano which meant he couldn't always get the perfect sounds he wanted, but that did nothing to waver the enjoyment he got from it.

"Hi, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." A voice said, and Tyler looked up to see Jenna poking her head round the door.  
"Hi," he felt a little awkward, stopping playing.  
"Sorry, I just, I heard the music, the piano from the hall."  
"Yeh," Tyler wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond.  
"Was that you playing?"  
"Yeh."  
"You're really good, like, reeaally good." She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear cutely, wandering over to the piano and leaning on it. Tyler had to stop himself from grinning, praying he wasn't blushing.

"Thanks,"  
"I'm Jenna by the way, sorry, I'm new and that was really rude, Jenna Black." She extended her soft hand that he shook gratefully.  
"Tyler Joseph."  
"I'm uh, I guess I'm a friend of Josh's? We went for coffee one time and he's my history partner."  
"Yeah he said."  
"He's basically your biggest fan." She said with a smile. "Anyway, sorry for interrupting, I'll get back to milling the halls and you get back to being the next Mozart."

"Wait." Tyler managed to find an ounce of bravery somewhere deep within. "You don't, you don't have to go if you don't want."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah, I mean I don't mind if you stay."  
"I'd love to." She beamed, taking her place leaning against the piano again. "My other plans involved wandering around doing nothing for an hour."  
"Did you not get a startup buddy?"  
"I did, Sarah Orchowski or something like that? Pretty, really pretty."  
"Orzechowski, she's one of my best mate's girlfriend."  
"Yeah that's it, she's been great and everything but she's got some decoration meeting thing for some dance and I'm not quite convinced the other girls want me around. Thought I'd have an explore instead."  
"Well like I said, you're welcome to stay with me instead."  
"Thank you." She smiled, and he smiled too. A big wide smile that warmed his soul.

"So how come you're not with your buds?"  
"You didn't hear what happened?" Tyler said a little quietly, not knowing how fast the news of his little accident had travelled through the school. To his relief, she shook her head innocently. "I beat up the canteen staff, coldcocked every single one of them. They ran out of pudding."  
"I mean that's a totally rational reaction, don't blame you really." She laughed sweetly. "Would have done the same thing myself,"  
"Nobody gets between me and my pudding."

"Are you working on a school project?"  
"No, I don't take music actually, just messing about." Tyler shrugged.  
"You don't take it? Lemme guess, you taught the teacher everything she knows and you're too good for class?"  
"Not exactly." He laughed and so did she.  
"So why not?"  
"I was in hospital a load last year so I missed a lot, then when I was well enough to come back I was on a reduced timetable with just core subjects and that didn't include music. Now I'm just too far behind I guess."  
"Well you don't sound like you're behind, you sound amazing Tyler, you don't need some class. Honestly, when I heard you playing I was so in awe that I couldn't help but come and see who it was."  
"Thank you," he blushed, running his finger along a key but not pressing it.

"And thank you, yanno, for not making this into a big thing or anything."  
"What do you mean?" She seemed confused, eyebrows furrowing and hiding away her gorgeous eyes.  
"The reason I was in hospital, my wheelchair, thank you for not taking one look at me and running away."  
"Do people do that?" Jenna looked shocked, borderline horrified.  
"More often than you might expect." He shrugged yet again.  
"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry Tyler, you don't deserve that."  
"It's okay, thank you for just being normal."  
"I, I never thought I'd be thanked for not being disrespectful. We live in such a messed up world." She sighed, sitting down on the stool that Tyler had pushed out of the way when he arrived.

"For the record Tyler, I think you're beautiful."  
"Beautiful?" He echoed, both taken a back and flattered.  
"Anybody who takes the time to be kind is beautiful." She explained with a smile. "Plus, you know, brunettes are my type." Tyler was at a loss as to how to reply to that, was she sympathy-flirting? Was she genuinely-flirting? Was she even flirting at all? Tyler had never dated anyone and quite frankly he was completely oblivious and slightly terrified.

"Sorry, that was totally inappropriate, we only just met sorry," she laughed at herself. "Can we just scrap that?"  
"Course." He nodded.  
"Can you show me what you were working on before I barged in here?"  
"I was just fiddling, nothing in particular."  
"Well can you teach me something?" She asked, blue eyes filled with hope.  
"Yeah sure, uh, let me budge up - this takes me a bit longer than you." Tyler smiled as he took off his brakes and reversed then moved back underneath the piano slightly further down. Jenna waited until he stopped moving before shuffling her bench closer to him, so close that their arms almost touched and his heart almost exploded.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as Tyler woke up, he felt a raw and pulsing pain all over the part of his back that he could feel. Within moments of waking, his eyes were swollen with tears. He tried to reach up to his face and pull off the CPAP mask but his elbow had barely lifted off the mattress before sharp shooting pains forced him to abandon the task.

"Hey hey hey, shhh, it's okay Ty, Momma's got it." Mom rolled out of the carer's bed that she had again slept in, then walked over to his side and slid the strap and consequently the mask off his face. She flicked the switch on the machine and hung the tubing up, then turned back to him and immediately pressed her lips to his forehead whilst framing his face with her hands softly.

"A lot of pain?"  
"Yeh," he mouthed silently and she kissed him again slowly.   
"Out of 10?"  
"8,"  
"Oh baby," she sighed, stroking his cheek with her thumb, knowing full well that he hated admitting anything was wrong and therefore knew it must have been bad. "We'll sort it angel, get you your meds, it's gonna be okay."  
"Thanks." Again Tyler mouthed but couldn't voice.

"Does it feel like overused muscle pain or neuropathic?"  
"I don't know Mom," he could barely whisper.   
"Ok ok, shh, it's not important, all that's important is getting you comfortable." She said, taking her hands off his cheeks and walking over to the cabinet against the opposite wall. Tyler was in too much pain to strain his neck watching her, and instead focused on the glowing stars stuck to the ceiling, trying both to stay conscious and not cry.

Chronic pain had been a part of his life for the past 2 years, but in all honesty Tyler couldn't remember a time when he wasn't in pain. Most days, with the help of medication and physio, it was tolerable and he could disguise it and thankfully it didn't interfere too much with his day to day activities. However on other days it only debilitated him even further, and some days he couldn't get out of bed and other days he couldn't stop himself passing out.

"Can you swallow these darling?"  
"I'll try,"  
"Okay, if you can't then that's okay too." Mom hummed reassuringly. She carefully slid one hand behind his hair and helped him hold his head up slightly as she gave him half a dozen tablets then picked up a glass of water and slowly tipped a little of the liquid into his mouth. When he'd swallowed them down, she lowered his head again then put the glass back on the side table.

"Was that too painful sweetheart?"  
"Hurt, but, but not too bad."  
"Hmm, okay, well those painkillers and muscle relaxants should start working over the next half hour, and until they kick in I can give you a massage or you can try and rest if you'd like. Which sounds better?"  
"Dunno." He murmured with his eyes shut.   
"Should we try the massage? And if it hurts too much then we try rest."  
"Okay." Tyler agreed semi consciously.   
"I'm gonna roll you over sweetheart and I know it's going to hurt but I need you to be brave. And if it's too much then we'll stop, just say."

Tyler was used to being rolled, it was a daily part of his dressing routine and also helped to combat pressure sores. However no amount of experience could prepare him for the pain he would endure that morning, and he had barely moved before the searing pain became too intense to cope with and the whole world went black.

 

 

If Josh thought about it, it made sense. The times of Tyler hardly managing to stay conscious long enough to say a half decent sentence had blurred into a mess of days and weeks, however Josh could vaguely remember coming home from another 3 day stint visiting Tyler in ICU and Jordan being off with him. At that point it hadn't been aggression or hatred or violence, it was simply the absence of a reassuring hug or innocent questions after Tyler or supportive murmurings that everything was going to be fine. It had simply been an absence of Jordan. And if Josh was honest with himself, he'd most likely gone to his room and cried himself to sleep and then got up the next day to visit Ty again without giving his younger brother a second thought.

But now it made sense, now he could realise where he went wrong, and now he felt bad. Well. Bad was an understatement.

Josh sighed and put his phone down, already finishing his reply to Kelly who had told him the news that Tyler was too sick for school today. She hadn't been specific but she didn't need to be, Josh already knew. It was a Friday and that was the day that Tyler attended least, probably one in four; he was usually exhausted by the end of the week and with exhaustion came both issues with attentiveness and pain. Most likely it was the latter that rendered him unable to come in, but Josh couldn't be sure. Right now though, that didn't matter to him, what mattered was Jordan.

He stood up and pulled his shirt down over his jeans a little as he wandered across the hall to Jordan's room, knocking twice then opening the door to find him sitting on the floor and leaning against his bed.

"Hey Jord,"  
"Oh, hey,"  
"Everything okay?"  
"Well Trump's president so what do you think?"  
"Ah God that nut job, don't remind me," Josh sighed as he sat next to him on the carpet. "Fun fact about presidents, President Van Buren popularised the phrase 'okay'."  
"Not that fun."  
"Harsh crowd. But I meant a bit more locally, everything okay with you?"  
"Not really,"  
"Anything I can do?"  
"I don't think so."  
"Well can I at least give you a ride to school?"   
"What about Ty and Zack?"  
"Tyler's not feeling very well so he's staying home today and Zack's walking."  
"Just us?" He asked.   
"It would just be me and you." The older reassured him, and Jordan took a moment to think before nodding.

"Yeah, yeah that would be, uh, nice, thank you,"  
"That's okay, are you ready to go? I know it's a bit early but we can drive the long route, give us time to talk."  
"Um, yeh, lemme just, yeh, I just need to grab my bag." Jordan stood up shakily and Josh watched sadly, not used to his brother stuttering and being so nervous and anxious. Usually Jordan was intimidating and bold and quite frankly scary, and as Josh stood up and watched how he struggled pathetically with the zip on his bag, he realised yet again how deeply the situation had impacted him.

"Do you want me to do it?"  
"I can do it."  
"Here, come on, I'll do it." Josh took the bag off him and folded down the trapped bit of fabric then smoothly pulled the zip across and handed it back to him. "Just breathe, okay?"  
"Okay," he let out a deep breath then followed Josh out of the bedroom and across the hall to the stairs. Josh let the younger go down first.

"Mom!"  
"Yeah?" She called from the kitchen.   
"We're going to school, see you later." Josh told her.   
"We? Who's we? Is Tyler here?"  
"No Mom, me." Jordan joined Josh in saying.   
"Oh,"  
"See you later Mom,"  
"Bye boys,"  
"Bye,"

Josh unlocked the door and held it open, then closed it behind them. He unlocked his car and climbed into the driving seat whilst Jordan settled down in the passenger seat, and neither of them said anything until Josh had driven them down the street and round the corner.

"So what have you been up to recently?"  
"Nothing,"  
"Nothing?"  
"I um, I, I was down Larry's scrapyard the other day,"  
"Oh yeah?" Josh smiled, remembering the old days playing with Tyler and their younger brothers on the family friend's land.

"Yeah, he's uh, he's got an old beat up 73 Mustang Mach 1, I was thinking about fixing it up with him."  
"Does he want you to buy it off him?"  
"Well he said it's worth 2 grand at the moment but he'd give it to me for 1.5. Obviously a good deal and everything but I don't have a dime to my name, so I can't."  
"Would Dad help you out with the money at all?"  
"No, he said I'm not mature enough. Larry said if I fix up this one then he'll pay me half the profit which should be enough for me to buy another scrap and if I fix that up then he'll teach me to drive in it."

"I can teach you to drive if you want."  
"No thanks." He looked out the window and watched the houses go by, and Josh had to resist sighing.

"The Mach 1, is it gonna be an easy fix?"  
"Dunno."  
"You think you can do it though?" Josh tried to encourage him into speaking.   
"We'll see."  
"Want me to come take a look? See what I can do?"  
"What, you mean like you did with the 68 Mustang I did up last?" Jordan said a little bitterly.   
"I'm sorry Jordan, but you know that it was out of my hands. I wanted to come."

"I waited for you at Larry's for 4 hours that day."  
"I was on my way, I was at the crossing when I got the call from Kelly. Jordan you know I loved building that car with you but it couldn't take precedence over my best friend fighting for his life."  
"Just wish you'd called."  
"I'm sorry," Josh apologised meaningfully.   
"One call, that's all."  
"They thought he was going to die, I was told he wouldn't make it, I wasn't in a fit enough state to be making phone calls." He tried to explain but Jordan still looked out of the window sadly. "If I could think straight then I would have called and told you, but I was sobbing in a hospital corridor, you know that right? That I didn't keep you in the dark to hurt you, that it wasn't a choi-"  
"No point talking about the past, won't change anything."  
"Facts won't change, opinions and feelings can."

"Can we go see Tyler?" Jordan ignored the response, but at least he wasn't staring numbly anymore as he looked across at him.   
"Tyler? What about school?"  
"We're gonna be like 35 minutes early." He checked his phone.   
"Well he's not coming in today because he's sick, maybe we should just let him rest."  
"He's always sick, come on Josh, I wanna see him."  
"It might be best for him to not be bothered today, Fridays are never easy pain and exhaustion wise."  
"Why don't you want me to see him?"  
"I do, you can come to wheelchair basketball with us tomorrow if he's feeling better and you want to."  
"Why don't you want me to see him?" Jordan repeated, starting to have a familiar layer of aggression to his tone again.

"Jordan, please, don't start getting angry."  
"I thought you understood, I thought I explained, I thought you were trying to make it up to me and now you won't even let me see Tyler!"   
"I don't want you to hurt him, okay?!" Josh snapped in a moment of protectiveness, then sighed again when the younger looked hurt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"  
"Yes you did."  
"Look, we'll go say hello, yeah, we'll say hi for a minute then we'll go to school." Josh turned off the Main Street and down a back road that eventually turned out by the Joseph's house. Jordan didn't say anything and Josh knew he'd upset him.

"I'm sorry."   
"Josh if you fuck up, an apology doesn't reverse that fuck up,"  
"So what do I do Jordan? Because I know you're not talking about visiting Tyler, I know this is about me not being there when you were grieving for Isabel. Please, help me out here, what can I do to both help our relationship and more importantly to help you."  
"There's nothing you can do."  
"I refuse to believe that." Josh said definitively.  
"What? What can you possibly do?? Can you bring Isabel back? Can you go back and be there for me? Can you undo any of this? No."  
"That doesn't mean there's not anything." He sighed as he indicated. "We're gonna work at this Jordan, we're gonna get there."  
"Whatever." Jordan rolled his eyes.

Josh didn't know what to say because the truth was that he wasn't there when his brother needed him, but equally he had a valid excuse because Tyler really had been in intensive care. And if he was honest, even if Jordan had told him what had happened to Isabel, he wasn't sure he would have spent any less time with Tyler.

"So, what do you want to say to Tyler?" He tried to move the conversation on.   
"Hi."  
"You wanna say hi?"  
"Yep, gotta problem with that?"  
"No." Josh decided that if he couldn't say anything nice then he should say anything at all, and drove the rest of the journey in silence.

On foot the walk from Josh's to Tyler's was about 6 or 7 minutes if he was going at full pace, and about 10 if he was walking beside Tyler. It felt counterproductive to be driving away from school, even going past a confused looking Spencer, but Josh was gonna do whatever Jordan wanted to do because he was clearly vulnerable.

He parked out front, blocking in the van, then the brothers climbed out of the vehicle and walked up the gradual slope to the door in silence. Josh knocked and they waited for a minute before being greeted by Chris, recognising his burnt hands on the doorframe before seeing his face.

"Oh hey there Josh, did Kelly not tell you? Ty's passed out, he's not coming in today."  
"No no she did, I just, I was wondering whether Zack wanted a ride still? I've got my car, spare seat, yeh, does he want a lift?" Josh scrambled to come up with an excuse.   
"Oh that's very thoughtful, I'm sure he will, come in come in." The man held the door open and both of the Dun brothers wiped their feet then followed him into the hall area.

"It's very nice to see you again Jordan, long time no see." He shook the younger's hand, and Josh saw that he hesitated when inspecting the twisted skin, but thankfully shook it anyway.   
"Good to see you too sir."  
"Right let's go ask Zack, he's just in with his brother," Chris led the way to Tyler's bedroom.

Josh was unfortunately used to seeing his best friend in pain, however today looked particularly bad. He was laying on his front on a completely flat bed, shirtless with heat packs on his bare shoulders, arms spread out in a crucifix position, and Kelly's hand curled in his hair. The next thing Josh noticed was the familiar trace of burn scars that snaked round his left hip on his back, and then he noticed the whites of his eyes and realised that he was unconscious.

"Hey Josh," Kelly greeted him warmly. "Hey Jordan,"  
"Hi,"  
"Hey,"  
"Josh wanted to offer Zack a ride." Chris announced.   
"Oh great, thank you," Zack smiled, standing up from his seat. "I'll run up and get my stuff, one sec."  
"No rush." Josh reassured him as he left the room.

"How is he?" Jordan asked.   
"Hmmm, he's uh, he's in a lot of pain, a lot a lot, but he's being really brave."   
"How long has he been out?" Josh took his turn to ask.   
"He's been drifting in and out since he woke up, about 45 minutes."  
"But we gave him some morphine just a little bit ago so try not to worry boys." Chris supported his wife. "He's gonna be fine,"  
"Yeh, you're gonna be fine baby." Kelly kissed her unconscious son on the top of the head.

"Can you pass on a message for me when he's conscious?" Josh said.   
"Course."  
"Can you tell him that Jenna was texting me last night and she spoke very highly of him? Even called him cute."  
"Ooh, Jenna hey, has my baby got a girlfriend?"  
"He's trying, he's trying," he laughed. "Doing well by the sounds of things,"  
"Aww good for him, bless." Kelly rubbed Tyler's hair gently. "Thank you Josh."

 

 

"Dale! Your boyfriend's here!" One of the baristas called as soon as Josh walked up to the counter, not even asking him if he wanted a coffee. Josh smiled down at his fingers and played with his nail whilst waiting for the hot tan brunet to wander over.

"Hey cutie, want a drink first or skipping straight to the dessert?"   
"Aw you think you're sweet, ain't that adorable." Josh teased.   
"Is that a no?" Dale asked with a knowing grin.   
"That's a talk to your boss and take your damn break, meet me outside."   
"Danggg, Joshie bossy today, I like it." He smirked then walked off, and Josh did the same.

He was pretty sure that members of the public weren't supposed to walk through the black peeling door that read staff only, but he'd never been told off before and today was no different. The little fenced off back contained a few tanks of fuel for the gas burners inside and a crate of old chipped glasses, plus 3 chairs for the workers to sit on during their breaks. Josh didn't bother, knowing he'd be pressed up against the wall as soon as Dale joined him.

His day hadn't been stressful particularly, just rather mundane and boring without Tyler there to entertain him. And even he had to admit that seeing Tyler unwell that morning had upset him a little, and he was looking forward to the upcoming make out session to take his mind off it.

"He said no so we've got like 10 minutes." Dale announced and immediately put his hand behind Josh's ear and kissed him.  
"If he," Josh kissed back. "Said no," he kissed him again. "Then we can do this," a fourth kiss, "another time."  
"You sure about that tiger?" He smiled, lips inches from Josh's, taunting him. "Somebody seems needy."  
"Don't flatter yourself." The shorter replied, hands wrapping around the worker's hips as he pulled their pelvises closer together and kissed him again.   
"If he tries anything to stop us, I'll pull the homophobe card."  
"Sounds like a plan." Josh rewarded him with yet another kiss, this one more passionate and with tongue.

"You didn't call me." Dale complained as they caught their breath.   
"You didn't call me."  
"I was waiting for you."  
"And I was waiting for you." Josh looked up into his piercing blue eyes.   
"Talk tonight?"   
"Maybe." He teased and Dale laughed, running a hand through the shorter's bright yellow hair then kissing him.

"Where's wheels today?"  
"Home, unwell." Josh told him.   
"Tell him to get better soon." Dale said, surprising Josh a little.   
"He doesn't even know you."  
"Course he does, I serve him coffee all the time. Plus I checked with him weeks ago to make sure that he wasn't on it with you."  
"You did?"  
"Course I did, Dale doesn't do no nasty business."  
"Well what if nasty is what I-"  
"Oh shut it Josh, you're too cute to play bad boy." Dale cut him off, pushing his back against the bare brick wall and placing is hand next to Josh's head whilst pressing his lips hard against Josh's piercing, hips pinning him against the side of the building.

"You know," the older and taller hummed between kisses. "This is the 7th time we've done this."  
"So?"  
"So, our loyalty card policy, 8th gets a reward."  
"Reward hey? I like the sound of that." Josh smirked at him as he let his fingers wander down his chest.   
"Your choice," Dale leant in real close, whispering in a tone that sent tingles down his spine. "Hickey? Or dinner?"   
"Are you asking me out Dale?"  
"Are you saying yes to the dinner? Because if you are, I'll give you a hickey for free."  
"Be my guest." Josh whispered with hot breath. "And I'm never hungry before 8."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted for a while, I had my prom and then I was super hungover <3


	9. Chapter 9

"Tyler," Danielle called out softly but he didn't want to turn and face her and risk triggering the pain all over again. "Tyler honey, we need to move you okay? I don't want you to start getting sores, and we need to do a GCS assessment."  
"M'fine,"  
"Okay well I hope that's the case, but Mom's just a bit worried about your consciousness levels at the moment and I need to check it out. Are you going to let me?"  
"Was just the pain."  
"Tyler don't be difficult son," Dad said, the parent supervising him and his nurse. Danielle came twice a week to check on him and help him with therapy and bathing, however he knew that this visit had been requested specially by Mom.

"Can we take you next door Ty? Sit in the armchair and have a proper talk about this as well as an assessment?"  
"Why?"  
"Why honey? Because I need to decide whether this is an issue that we need to take up with Dr Patel and pop in and see him at the hospital."  
"I said I'm fine, I said it was just the pain."  
"Well that's a little contradictory in itself, maybe I can do something to help with the pain, you won't know if you don't work with me here Ty."

"Tyler, Danielle didn't drive over here for you to be a diva, come on, let her do this."   
"And this is your health we're talking about Tyler,"  
"Exactly, my health, my choice, I wanna stay here."  
"Why's that?" The nurse asked.   
"I just do."  
"What's the real reason Ty? You're not usually this stubborn." His dad questioned.   
"I don't want to go to hospital."  
"Because...?"  
"Because Josh said we could go and get lunch with Jenna later."  
"Ooohhh okay, haha, right," Dad realised with a smile. "A girl."   
"A girl hey Ty?" Danielle joined in. "Girlfriend?"  
"No, just a dumb crush, but please, I don't want to go to hospital."   
"Well you have to understand honey, no girl is worth dying for. And I'm not saying you're going to die, I'm just saying that health always has to come first. If you're passing out a lot and having trouble staying awake then that could be an early warning sign of something nasty going on. I know it's fairly easy to point fingers and say it was the pain from your shoulders yesterday, but it might just be coincidental timing and it could be a real problem later on if it turns out to be an issue that we didn't catch sooner." The nurse explained what Tyler already knew. "I'm not saying you'll definitely need to be whisked off for a brain scan or anything, all I'm asking is that you let me check a few things in your armchair, okay?"  
"Okay." He caved.

Danielle walked around the bed and started setting up the hoist, a device that they rarely ever used as usually one of his parents or Zack or Josh would quite happily lift his skinny frame into whatever seat he wanted to be in, however it wasn't advised and therefore Danielle was sticking to protocol. She pressed a few buttons, meanwhile Dad walked over to him and patted him below the numb line in a friendly way.

"Don't worry kiddo, I'll make sure you get your date with the girl, if not today then we'll set aside another time."  
"Not a date."  
"Yeah yeah whatever." He rolled his eyes.   
"Alright Ty, you know the drill." Danielle announced as she began sliding the fabric sling underneath the numb lower half of his body. When she got to his shoulders she was more careful, knowing they were still throbbing, but Tyler was proud of himself for staying conscious. Finally he was all loaded up and she could slowly start moving him out of his bedroom and along the rails on the ceiling which lead to the living room and stopped perfectly above his armchair. She lowered him down onto it and then undid the sling before strapping him up and checking he was comfy.

"All good?"  
"Yeah, good, thanks." Tyler had to admit that he was a little surprised at how little the ordeal had hurt him. He still felt sensitive and fragile.   
"Okay look at my finger," she crouched down opposite and pulled out a small light from her pocket whilst also holding up her right index finger. For a while he watched that, but as the light moved across and around, he couldn't help but get distracted by it. "Finger Ty, over here, look at my finger."  
"Sorry,"  
"It's okay." The nurse smiled as she concluded the second half of the pupil test then put away her torch. "Great, no concerns there."  
"Good." Dad nodded, and Tyler could tell he was anxious. He didn't talk much about his feelings but he had very expressive body language and Tyler knew he worried about him all the time.

"Alright GCS assessment, you know how this works Tyler. Close your eyes, and open again. Good." She jotted something down in a notebook she'd taken out whilst he was blind to the world. "And you're speaking fine?"  
"Absolutely yes I am Ma'am." Tyler purposefully dragged it out.   
"Where are we and what's your name?"  
"Columbus Ohio, my living room, and my name's Tyler Robert Joseph."  
"Can you squeeze my hand please?" She took his right and he did, so she held his other one too. "And the left. A bit tighter? Can you go any tighter than that? Alright okay."   
"Was that not strong enough?" Dad asked concerned.   
"No no, he was just being a gentleman, didn't want to hurt me." Danielle laughed as ticked another thing in her book.   
"Guilty." Tyler chuckled.   
"I know your shoulders are still quite painful but I need a 2 step motor response from you, whatcha reckon, are you gonna manage?"   
"Yeh,"  
"Okay, so lift your hand up for me, and now your elbow too so your arm's straight up. Great, well done Tyler."

Tyler looked across at his dad again and they made eye contact, and the younger wasn't stressing because he knew it was all pain based, however the older was chewing on the end of his twisted and warped burnt finger anxiously.

"What's the earliest thing you remember from yesterday?"  
"Urmm, I ate some tomato soup."  
"That was about 2 in the afternoon." Dad told her.   
"Did you have any 2 way conversations with him before that Chris?"  
"I did and his mother did."  
"Right okay, and you gave him some extra morphine?"  
"Yeah, additional 10 mg on top of his regular dose."  
"Approximately what time?"  
"About 8.30ish,"  
"In the morning?"  
"Yeah,"  
"And Ty, you didn't feel the need for more than usual in the evening?"   
"No not really, it had died down a lot, I had heat packs."  
"Okay good." She jotted it all down.

"Have you had your temperature taken today already?"  
"Yeh, normal. Heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen sats were good too." Chris answered on his behalf.   
"How about blood sugar? Settled yet?"  
"Still a little high."  
"But I'm working on it." Tyler voiced and she nodded.   
"Okay, hmm. Right okay good," Danielle stood up and tucked her notebook into the pouch of her nurse's uniform.

"So here's what I think Ty, I think there's no reason for us to go and see Dr Patel today, however I am going to speak to him at my meeting on Monday and ask about pain management to see what we can do to stop this happening again."  
"Right, thank you."  
"We'll do our part, but you need to do your part too Tyler, okay? Rest. And I know you like being independent and having freedom, but you need to pace yourself if you want to avoid these big blow ups of pain. Pacing, yeah? If you know that you've got a big journey coming up then you need to consider letting someone push you beforehand. I know you like propelling yourself around school and that's okay, but then in the evening you've got to let Dad take you round to Josh's rather than going yourself. Does that make sense Ty?"  
"Yeah," he sighed.

"How about basketball? Is he okay to do that?" Dad asked.   
"Again, everything in moderation. I think it's good you took today off, I'd advise taking a whole week off. I also think it's good for you normally because you do need to exercise, but overusing your shoulders is inevitably going to be painful. So I'm gonna say yes to the basketball as long as you listen to your body, if you're in pain then stop, and also take it easy on yourself before and after. If you're throbbing then ice, if you're aching then heat, and most importantly rest."   
"Okay, thank you Danielle, is that alright with you son?"  
"Yeah, I, I just,"  
"You just wanna be able to do what you used to do." Danielle finished for him and he nodded. "Well the truth is Tyler, you can't. And you can do one of the two things, deny or adapt. You can keep working and working and working all the time, and then spend days unconscious in horrific pain, or you can calm down a little bit, take things easy, but actually have 7 entire days in your week."  
"I think you know the right option kid. I know it sucks, but we'll work it out I promise you. Just gotta take it slow, one day at a time."

 

 

 

On Saturday mornings Josh almost always woke up in Tyler's room, so it was weird to open his eyes and not see the glowing stars up on the ceiling. He grumbled and rubbed his eyes, then rolled over and unplugged his phone from the charging cable. For a change it was covered in notifications and he scrolled to the bottom to read them chronologically.

Tyler: Not feeling up to basketball today :(  
Brendon: Dude you have to watch this https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ  
Dale: I just saw a highlighter and thought of you...  
Dale: You coming for coffee and co today? X  
Missed call from Tyler  
Tyler: Can we talk?  
Missed call from Tyler  
Tyler: Are you up?   
Missed call from Tyler  
Missed call from Tyler

Josh felt a weird drop in his stomach that was a conflict of fear and memories of the times when this amount of missed calls would mean something drastically wrong had happened in the ICU, colliding with the inner calm he tried to maintain whilst dialling his friend back.

"Tyler?"  
"Hey,"  
"Hey, it's Josh, is everything okay?"  
"I know it's you man, that's what caller IDs are for." Tyler laughed and Josh breathed a sigh of relief.   
"You okay?"  
"Yeah, well, kinda. Danielle came round earlier."  
"Did your mom ask her to?" Josh asked, laying down on his bed again.   
"Yep, just wanted to check me out since I was all Sleeping Beauty yesterday."  
"What did she say?"  
"That I've been working myself too hard, not letting my shoulders rest enough."  
"Right okay."  
"Josh she wants me to stop moving myself, she wants me to get pushed." Tyler said sadly, and Josh knew that it was his worst fear coming to fruition.   
"I'm so sorry Tyler,"

"It's, uh, it's not all the time, I just have to ration myself, pacing and everything."  
"Well that's a positive, it's the best of both worlds. Get to be independent but also get to relax and be looked after and not be in pain."  
"I don't want to be looked after Josh! I barely have any freedom and now I've got even less!" He snapped. "Sorry, sorry, not your fault, I shouldn't take it out on you."  
"No it's okay, vent all you like, it's what I'm here for."  
"It's just, I mean, ugh, it had to be today of all days."   
"Today?" Josh was confused, then realised. "Oooohhh, going out with Jenna."  
"Yeh and she's going to see the fact that I can't even move by myself, it's so embarrassing."  
"Okay first thing Tyler, you have nothing, nothing, to be embarrassed about. You have an injury that is not your fault and is out of your control, and that is not embarrassing. Secondly, Jenna is not the kind of person who's going to think anything of it. Remember what she said at the piano on Thursday? Tyler she's not bothered by something as shallow as how you arrive at the table, yeah?"  
"Yeah," Tyler sighed, and Josh listened.

"I've never done this before, and I just, hm, I just really really don't want to mess it up."  
"Dating?"  
"Yeah, when everyone else was testing things out and having their first kiss and first whatever else, I was in ICU. I'm behind everyone, I'm a late bloomer or whatever, and I'm disabled. All the other girls at school knew me as the athletic jock and have seen my fall from grace, and they don't want anything to do with me. Finding a girl who I like who actually might like me too isn't gonna happen very often and I don't want her to slip away."   
"She won't Ty, she won't. She was texting me all last night too saying that she hopes you're okay and that she's really excited to spend more time with you."

"What if she's just saying that out of pity though."   
"You're nervous because, like you said, you've never done this before. However don't let those nerves convince you that you're a sympathy case or you're not worth as much or you're not a valid person."  
"Mmm,"  
"She's doing this because she wants to, she was the one who asked me if we could arrange a little meet up, this isn't her throwing you a bone."  
"Yeh,"  
"And just remember, today's not a date, today is just 3 people hanging out and getting a bite to eat whilst getting to know each other. You don't need to be nervous."  
"I guess."

"Plus Ty, you're adorable okay?" Josh told his best friend and heard a little laugh. "You're adorable and the more time she has around you the more she's going to realise that. Her getting to know your personality better is the last thing you should be worried about."   
"Flirt." Tyler retorted and Josh smiled up at his ceiling, hoping Tyler was doing the same.

"Should you be flirting with me anyway, haven't you got yourself a hunky boyfriend now?"  
"Boyfriend? Not so sure we're quite that far yet, but date, yes."  
"Not that far?? Josh you could identify him in a line up not by his face but by the taste of his tonsils."  
"Thanks for that Tyler!"  
"True!" The younger snickered and Josh laughed.

"He's working today, he'll be there the same time as us."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Yeah. Want me to, you know, take one for the team in order to give you two some time alone? Or would you prefer I stayed with you?" Josh asked, and heard a squeak outside his bedroom door but chose to ignore it.   
"I dunno."  
"I'll just read the room I guess, and if I do it wrong then feel free to hint that to me somehow."  
"Okay, thanks Josh."  
"No worries."  
"No seriously, thank you for this, needed it."  
"Now who's the flirt hey?" Josh smiled, then made eye contact with Jordan through the crack in his ajar door. "You feeling a bit better though?"  
"Much."  
"Good, are you alright if I go or do you want to talk for longer?"  
"No no it's okay, I'll see you later?"  
"Absolutely you will, I'll pick you up at 12.40?"  
"Thanks Josh, bye,"  
"Bye," Josh said, then hung up the phone and waited for his brother to enter.

"Hey," Jordan began a little sheepishly, closing the door behind him then wandering over to the corner of Josh's bed.   
"Hi,"  
"So um, so you wanna know a fun fact?"  
"Go on," Josh said curiously, realising Jordan had clearly prepared what he was about to say and catered it to him.   
"The average person apologises 233,600 times during their life."  
"And is this one of yours?"  
"Nope, that was an ice breaker, this is mine. Josh, I'm sorry for how I've treated you these past few months, you didn't deserve it and I was in the wrong. I was dealing with my own issues and decided to take it out on you in the most despicable ways, never giving your feelings a thought. You had stuff going on too, far bigger things if we're honest, and yet you never turned on me, so thank you. I've been unnecessarily cruel to you and a horrible person, and I've made a difficult time for you even harder. I'm sorry."  
"I forgive you."   
"You do?" He seemed surprised.   
"Of course I do, come here." Josh invited him to lay down beside him on the bed, and he did.

"I, I heard you on the phone to Tyler, he seemed scared and it made me realise that he's not better, is he? And seeing him yesterday, he's still really sick, right?"  
"Well it's incurable Jord, he's not going to get better. He's just having a few more bumps at the moment than usual."  
"But you don't know when the bumps are going to happen and how bad they'll be."  
"No, no I don't."  
"I'm so sorry, that must be so, eugh, just always feeling on edge and like you're gonna lose him. I lost Isabel and it hurt but I will never lose her again, you keep almost losing him over and over and over again, and in between he's still really disabled. That must be horrible."  
"It can be a little tricky at times, but most of the time he's there to reassure me. Don't worry Jordan, you don't need to feel bad for me."  
"Well I do." He said, and Josh didn't reply.

"I'm sorry I've never been there for you to talk to about it. I gave you absolute Hell for not being there for me, and in reality I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world."   
"Jordan it's okay, you were grieving."  
"And so were you, minus the closure."   
"Tyler didn't die Jordan, he just changed."  
"As a brother I should have helped you through that change and I didn't, and I'm sorry."  
"Again, I forgive you. Let's agree to be good, yeah? I wasn't there for you and Isabel and you weren't there for me and Ty, and there's nothing either of us can do to change that. The best thing for both of us now is to bury the past and see what we can do for each other now. Team?"  
"Team." The younger nodded.

 

 

Josh unloaded Tyler out of the van, a feat that was far slower than when Zack was there to help, then began pushing him towards the cafe where they seemed to go daily at the moment. Although Tyler did feel like everyone was staring at him as they entered, Josh's grip on his handles, he tried to reassure himself with his friend's words and keep calm. Somehow it worked and they got to a table in the back without any major disasters.

Josh picked up one chair and put it under a different table to make room for Tyler, then tucked him in and sat opposite. It was a small circular table and honestly Tyler liked it because it meant he would be equidistance from Josh and Jenna when she arrived. They were a few minutes early so he hadn't started panicking yet.

"Okay?"  
"Okay." Tyler nodded with far more meaning than the word had at face value. "Thanks for doing this Josh."  
"What, third wheeling? It's my passion."   
"Oh good, pleased to hear it."  
"Well I'm gonna have to get used to it I guess, since you guys are gonna be the next hottest couple in Columbus."   
"We've literally spoken once."  
"I'm calling it right now, this is gonna be a thing, and you're gonna get married, and you're gonna call your first born Josh."   
"What if she's a girl?"  
"Josh. Her name will be Josh."  
"I mean you're the boss." Tyler laughed.   
"Jermaine Jackson called his son Jermajesty." Josh smiled and Tyler simply tutted disapprovingly, both at the name and at Josh's weird general knowledge. However he didn't saying anything because when he looked up he was met with a storm of blonde hair and blue eyes walking towards them, and couldn't help but grin at how beautiful she looked.

"Hey boys, sorry I'm late." She smiled as she takes off her oversized scarf and sits in the spare seat.   
"Oh you're right on time, we're early, don't worry." Tyler reassured her.   
"I got a teeny bit lost on my way, which is mad I know because I've only been in Columbus for a week but I've been here 3 times now, however your streets are all so different from New York, not used to all these curves!" She babbled as she settled, taking off her coat to reveal a stunning striped top underneath.   
"Where abouts do you live?" Josh asked.   
"Urrmm, well I don't really know any landmarks, uhh, the street is called Seymour Street?"  
"Hey that's where I live!" Tyler said far too excitedly. "Which end?"  
"No way! I'm 112,"  
"I'm 165! We're a stone's throw away from each other."  
"Small world." Jenna laughed.

"So how are you both?" She went on to ask.   
"I'm great thanks," Josh answered and left Tyler to decide how exactly he should respond.   
"I'm, uh, I'm a little sore and achy, but I'm good."  
"Oh yes, Josh said you weren't well yesterday, chronic pain, I'm sorry. I prayed for you."  
"Thank you. And how about you? How are you?"  
"Not quite used to these Ohio winters, you must be made of thicker stuff than us New Yorkers, but otherwise I'm good thanks. Excited to be done with school for the weekend and have a chance to explore a bit." She said happily, words flowing with an ease that soothed Tyler's anxious soul.

"I went exploring this morning and I found this most adorable little rope swing in the woods."  
"Red rope? Three knots higher up?" Josh asked and she nodded. "We built that."  
"You did?"  
"Well our dad's did." Tyler explained.   
"We used to go out there every single day of the summer and jump into the river,"  
"The river was all frozen today, absolutely stunning, I took pictures." Jenna said, taking her phone out and presenting it to the two boys to flick through. Although Tyler started with a genuine smile on his face, it turned slightly forced as he remembered all the fun they had shared within that frame and how long it had been since he was last able to get there, let alone swing off a rope into a lake.

"Hasn't changed one bit, still beautiful." Josh passed her iPhone back. "Right, I'm gonna go order food in a second I think, do people know what they want?"  
"Ooh let me have a look." Jenna picked up the basic menu but Tyler already knew what he would be having, and so did Josh.  
"You want tomato or vegetable?"  
"Vegetable please." Tyler replied and Josh nodded.   
"Can I get a cheese panini please?" Jenna decided.   
"Course, drinks?"  
"Fresh orange juice sounds good thanks Josh."  
"Me too." Tyler copied her and Josh nodded again as he walked over to the counter and towards Dale, and Tyler knew they might not see him for a while.

"He wasn't in a rush to eat, he was in a rush to see Dale." Jenna came to the same conclusion as him and he laughed.   
"True, very true."  
"What did you order?"  
"Vegetable soup."  
"Oh soup hey? I've never been much of a soup fan myself."  
"It's kinda a long story but the bottom of my chest is paralysed so I can't really cough, which makes me a choking risk. Most of the menu here is toasty things and crumbs are never a good plan so I stick to the soup."  
"Oh I'm sorry, if I had known then I would have suggested we eat somewhere else."  
"No no it's okay, you didn't know and the soup is actually really good here."  
"See as an outsider you never think of these things." She shook her head in fascination and for once Tyler didn't feel ashamed.

"My mom writes cookbooks for a living and she's got a recipe for a mean coconut and curry soup, it's one of the few that I'll actually eat. You should come round and try it sometime."   
"Yeah that would be nice." Tyler smiled warmly, but broke eye contact when he noticed a person walking past the window of the coffee shop. It wasn't a particularly outstanding person, however she was carrying a Walmart grocery bag and it reminded Tyler that he had agreed to go with his mom to the store this afternoon.

He liked going to the store because he could push the trolley and she could push him, and he felt like he was part of some sort of video game as he attempted and usually failed to control the broken and wonky wheels. Obviously it would be so much easier for Mom to just do it herself, but he appreciated the bonding time she wanted to have with him and easily overlooked the supposed chore of shopping.

"Tyler? Tyler, are you okay?"  
"Oh, sorry," he realised Jenna was speaking to him.  
"No no it's fine, you just spaced out there for a minute,"  
"Sorry, I do that sometimes." The disabled boy said shyly.  
"Are you okay? Did I say something to upset you?"  
"I'm fine, honest, I just, I have this thing called cerebral hypoxia."  
"What's that?" She asked rather than doing the usual google search afterwards, and for some reason Tyler liked that about her.   
"I was in a car crash and the engine caught on fire, and it took quite a while between when it started smoking and when I got out. My dad was knocked out and he took a while to come round, then he freed himself, then he freed my siblings, then he took them to safety, then he was physically held back by members of the public, then finally he managed to escape and come and get me. Meanwhile I was breathing in smoke."  
"Oh gosh,"  
"Meant I was without enough oxygen for quite a while, and it took a toll on my brain. Cells died and left damage."  
"I'm sorry Ty."

"I don't usually tell people that, especially not when I've only just met them. I mean people already talk down to me like I'm stupid because I'm in a chair, no point making things worse by revealing I've got brain damage too."  
"Well I'm honoured you trust me. Is it bad? The damage. I mean obviously you'd want for it not to exist, but you seem to be coping really well." She seemed intrigued rather than nosy.   
"I've got a lot better at coping with it. Thanks to him mostly." Tyler gestured to where Josh was staring doey-eyed at Dale.   
"Bless,"  
"I was on a ventilator for a while and was weaned off, but for a long long time I struggled with consciousness. It was partly the trauma and partly the cerebral hypoxia, but basically I was unconscious 23 hours of the day, and it went on like that for days, weeks. Then when I did start being able to speak and stay awake long enough to hear and understand the response, it quickly became apparent that my memory was shot to Hell. And honestly it upset and scared me, and I worked myself up a lot because some days I wouldn't remember a thing."  
"Must have been terrifying."

"Josh stayed with me though, everyday he was there, and he worked out that it was the big chunks of information that I couldn't cope with, so he started learning these little factoid things. He bought this big book, 1001 useless facts you don't need to know, something like that, and he'd sit by my hospital bed and we'd do one fact a day. So I wouldn't be able to remember my birthday, but at least I knew that snails have 14000 teeth."  
"Really?!" She was surprised by that particular part of the story, which made him smile.  
"Really." Tyler nodded. "Seems like a daft little thing, and in a way it was, but it was also a massive deal for me at the time because he was helping me remember things and helping me learn things and helping me keep positive and feel like I was making progress despite how grave the situation was."  
"Well that's not daft at all, that's, that's amazing."  
"Josh is amazing." He said proudly. "And he still does the facts, but just for himself now. Sometimes they crop in conversation and that's my fault, so you can blame me when you start getting sick of hearing 'did you know?'"  
"Haha okay I will."

"But to answer your question, I've come a long way. Memory is nowhere near what it was, short and long term, and I do struggle with concentration and getting distracted, then headaches and occasionally passing out, but honestly I've come so far thanks to Josh and I can't complain."  
"He's a sweet guy."  
"Very."  
"I'm sorry you still have some symptoms, but I'm glad you've made so much progress."  
"Thank you,"  
"And obviously I'll pray for you."  
"Tha-" he was about to repeat himself, but then Josh interrupted by almost tripping over and spilling orange juice everywhere. Luckily he managed to save himself - and them - and put the 3 glasses down with a guilty sigh followed by a giggle.

"Woah careful there man,"   
"Sorry sorry, my bad."   
"Mind was on other things hey?" Jenna teased, hinting over to Dale.   
"Guilty." Josh laughed as he slid a glass of orange juice over to Tyler. "Did you know that oranges are actually a type of berry?"  
"Fascinating." Jenna slurped through her straw and looked at Tyler, both of them suppressing smirks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, I've sent my laptop to the shop to get fixed since basically everything is fucked, and they said there's a chance they'll recover the files to my other story. If they can't then I'll reside myself to the fact that I'll have to redo it, however I'm gonna wait until I have some news - please bare with and thank you for being so patient!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you already read this chapter, I had some glitch and yeah, I dunno what happened but it wasn't showing up properly so I thought I'd try deleting and reposting x

Ordinarily on a Sunday morning, Josh and Tyler would sit together in church alongside the other guys but then Tyler would insisted they went ahead to the park whilst he stayed behind to talk to the pastor, Mitch, with his family. Mitch was an old friend of theirs and had been Tyler's mentor since birth, and in a way Josh was jealous of their relationship. Except jealousy wasn't quite the right word because he was genuinely happy for Tyler, he only wished that he had the same sort of positive religious role model in his life.

That Sunday was a little different because everyone was in agreement that Tyler shouldn't travel the kilometre from church to the park by himself, so Josh stayed behind to serve as his helping hand. Everyone else said their goodbyes and then Josh weaved Tyler through the exiting crowds and towards the front of the room where Mitch was stood with Kelly and Maddy. Josh couldn't see the rest of the Joseph family but was confident they were around somewhere.

"Hey Mitch,"  
"Oh hey there kiddo." The middle aged pastor span on his feet to face them, shaking Tyler's hand first and then Josh's. "Good to see you Josh,"  
"You too."  
"Mitch was just saying how a new family called him earlier, thinking about joining the church, I thought you might be interested in knowing who." His mom said to him a little suspiciously, and Josh could tell that his friend's curiosity had worked up.   
"Who?"  
"The Black family, just moved from New York City, 5 kids but only the youngest came with her parents, she's a senior at you two boys' school."  
"Jenna's going to join?" Tyler smiled, and so did Josh because his best friend was quite frankly adorable when his eyes and his heart were so blatantly filled with innocent love.

"Told you that would make him happy." Kelly laughed, stroking her son's hair out of his face fondly.   
"Tyler's in love with her!" Maddy giggled and Tyler just rolled his eyes, laughed at himself, then reached out his hand and beckoned his little sister over. She climbed up onto his numb lap and cuddled herself into his chest whilst he wrapped his arm around her small frame and rested his chin on her head.

"So, you know, if I was to assign her someone to help her integrate into our community, you wouldn't mind doing that for me Ty?" Mitch smirked.   
"I mean I guess I miiight be able to maybe summon the motivation."  
"Haha okay, well I'll play Geppetto and see if I can coincidentally have you two together for some things."  
"Thanks Mitch."  
"How about you Josh? Got your heart on anyone at the moment?"  
"Sort of," he laughed embarrassed, hand in his hair.   
"Oh yeah?"  
"He works down at the coffee shop,"  
"The one opposite the bookshop?"  
"Yep,"  
"Ooh okay, well he's probably made me an Americano then," Mitch smiled and so did Josh. "All the best to you two,"  
"Thanks,"

"Mitch," Maddy said softly, head still against Tyler.   
"Yes princess?"  
"Tyler was sick on Friday, did Jesus heal him?"   
"Yeah your mommy told me on the phone on Friday that he wasn't very well, and we prayed together. Did you pray for your brother Maddy?"  
"Yes." She nodded and Tyler kissed her on the top of her head.   
"That was very good of you, well done, and the Lord listened to our requests and healed Tyler, and we must be forever grateful for His gift."

"So why doesn't He make Ty's legs work?"  
"Maddy." Kelly warned, but Mitch answered anyway.   
"That's a good question Maddy, and it's okay for you to ask. Do you know the story of Paul the Apostle's thorn?"  
"No,"  
"In the bible Paul speaks about a thorn in the flesh, and it's a metaphorical thorn - do you know what a metaphor is?" Mitch asked and Maddy shook her head no. "It means that it wasn't a real thorn, it represented something else."  
"What?"   
"Well we don't know exactly what, it might have been something physically wrong with him like epilepsy, it might have been temptation, might have been something completely different, we don't know. What we do know is that it was something that brought a lot of pain into Paul's life."  
"Yeah,"  
"So one day he prayed to God, he said please Lord, take this pain away from me, but God said no. Paul asked him 3 times, but every time God said no. Now to start with Paul was sad and angry because he was in pain and he didn't understand why God wouldn't heal him, but then he realised that He was doing it for a reason, to teach him an important lesson. The Lord was more interested with making Paul’s character better and preventing him from getting big headed. Instead of stopping his pain, taking away his thorn, God gave Paul more overwhelming grace and more compensating strength. Paul learned that God’s power is made perfect in weakness. Does that make sense?"  
"I think so," she said quietly.

"So Tyler has a thorn of flesh, just like Apostle Paul, and that's his problems with his legs. However just like Paul, Tyler also has a very strong and very brave personality, he's humble and he appreciates the small things in life such as having a beautiful sister like you." Mitch smiled as Tyler kissed Maddy again as she processed everything she'd just learned.   
"Thank you Mitch." Tyler approved of his response, and so did Josh internally.   
"Everything He does us for a reason."  
"Mitch, phone, it's Jess for you." Someone called from the office.  
"Sorry guys," Mitch said, then jogged to speak to the person and left them to themselves.

"Maddy sweetheart, hop off, should we go and see if we can find Daddy somewhere and let Tyler and Josh go to the park with their friends?"  
"Thanks Mom," Tyler said as Maddy climbed off him ungracefully.   
"Josh, same as last week, home by 12 please."  
"Yes Ma'am." He saluted.   
"And there's some more clothes and a blanket in the van too."  
"Mom I'm fine."  
"Because you're indoors sweetheart, wait till you're sat outside in 35 degree wind." She attempted to persuade him but Josh could tell that Tyler wasn't impressed for some reason. "Tyler, you put on a hoodie and a blanket or you don't go."  
"Eugh, fine."

 

 

Tyler was trying very hard to be in a good mood but was fighting a losing battle. He hated being wrapped up in 18 layers, he hated having to be pushed by Josh, and more than anything he hated the plaid granny blanket that had been throughly tucked in and screamed to the world that he was an invalid. It was beige and grey and cream and scratchy and ugly and horrible, and he hated it. And things were only about to get worse.

"...so I told him that I'd call him later."  
"Josh who's that?"  
"Huh?"   
"Over there, with the guys, who's that?" Tyler asked as he looked at the group of their friends on the bench in the middle of the park across the street, although in reality he already knew the answer.   
"Oh, looks like Jenna's here, see I told you Ty, she can't keep away."  
"No no no, no, no she can't see me like this."  
"Like this? What do you mean Ty?" Josh stopped pushing and walked around the front of him to face him, a look of concern in his eyes. "Ty?"  
"This is stupid, I wanna go home."  
"Tyler."  
"The blanket."  
"Is just a blanket." He said definitively but Tyler looked away. "Tyler it's just a blanket, there's nothing to be embarrassed over, it's normal."  
"If it's normal then why am I the only one?"  
"Because I can jog on the spot to warm up. Come on Ty, it's a physical thing, it's nothing more than that and you know it." Josh sighed.

"You don't understand."  
"Help me to?"  
"She's gonna think I'm dumb."  
"Yeah, the colours suck, but Jenna's not gonna think you're dumb, she's gonna think you're colour blind." Josh attempted to make him smile, but it didn't work. "You wanna know the truth? She won't care. Yesterday you were stressing about her seeing me pushing you, and she didn't care. You told her about the hypoxia, she didn't care. Today it's the blanket, and it's gonna be the same response. Now come on Ty, you haven't been self conscious about little things like this for months, you're doing great, don't let a lil romance become an excuse for you to start feeling bad again."   
"I just, I like her, it's just hard."  
"Course it's hard, it's putting yourself out there, being vulnerable and trusting someone else not to hurt you, but it might also be something great. I know you wanna spend more time with her, maybe ask her out, but if you wanna do that then you've gotta start letting your heart tell your head to suck it. So what do you say? Wanna go over there?"  
"Yeh," Tyler nodded with far more confidence than he truly possessed. Josh smiled, patted Tyler on the shoulder, then walked back around and started pushing him again.

It only took another minute or so before they were in the park and Tyler was close enough to see that Sarah was also sat with the usual gang, and he realised that Jenna must have tagged along with her. Pete was sat on Patrick's lap, Sarah was sat on Brendon's lap, Spencer was sat on the table and Jenna was sat a little awkwardly on the outside of the group. She was the first to notice them arriving, and smiled happily at Tyler.

"Oh look who decided to rock up, hey hey hey," Pete jeered.   
"Morning," Josh replied, parking Tyler at the end of the bench, parking Tyler next to Jenna, then put on the brakes and sat down.   
"Hi," Tyler smiled too, feeling better already, simply because the look in Jenna's eyes was neither pity nor disgust, it was a familiarity that both confused and enticed him.

"Beebo, tell Ty your news." Spencer prompted him.   
"Oh yeah, looky here." He pulled his phone out of his back pocket, clicked a few things, then showed the JustGiving screen to him.   
"Hey you did it! Hit 5 grand!" Tyler grinned proudly.   
"Yessir,"  
"Congrats dude, that's amazing. Thank you."  
"Anything for my baby boy." He blew a kiss jokingly, putting away his phone again.

"What's this?" Jenna asked.   
"Brendon's running a marathon to raise money for the hospital ward that helped Ty," Sarah said proudly, stroking her boyfriend's hair.   
"Nothing's more ironic than running for a guy who can't run anymore." Pete muttered and they all laughed. Tyler was happy they had reached a point where they could laugh.   
"I do it every year, well, every year so far."   
"That's amazing." Jenna smiled, first at Brendon and then at Tyler.  
"I'm amazing." Brendon informed his girlfriend.  
"Yes you are." She pecked him quickly on the lips.   
"And you know what amazing boys get?"  
"What?"  
"Head." He smirked and Sarah gasped then smacked him playfully, and he stuck out his bottom lip sulkily.

"As you can see Jenna, we're all children of Jesus." Pat told her and she laughed.   
"I'm a New Yorker, this is nothing."  
"You're originally from Cincinnati though right? Ohio born, just like the rest of us."   
"Be proud of your heritage, the blood of the greatest state runs through your veins." Pete flexed his bicep.   
"I have to admit, it is nice to be back." She smiled, and for some reason it made Tyler's heart sing.

"Do you miss New York at all?" Sarah asked.   
"I miss the city, not the people especially. I knew we were moving so we all had a nice goodbye party and everything, and I still FaceTime my old friends most nights, guess it's just the busyness that I miss."  
"I've never been." Spencer said whilst scratching his jaw.   
"No me neither." Josh agreed.   
"I went and saw a show last summer, stayed for a few days, loved every minute." Brendon added. "Whereabouts did you live?"  
"Upper east side."   
"Daaaamn girl, I've seen the real estate prices-"  
"Bren, dude, have some class." Tyler interrupted him, and Jenna turned to him and flashed a grateful smile.   
"Sorry, just, you know, sponsor me?? For Ty??" Brendon pulled his biggest grin whilst blinking his eyes rapidly in some sort of puppy dog-esque beg attempt. Jenna laughed, rearranged her hands, then nodded whilst looking at Tyler.   
"Course I will, anything for your baby boy."

 

 

Every other Sunday, Tyler had an appointment at the rehabilitation hospital he'd called home for 3 months of his life. The support they supplied him with had far extended that time though, they visited him in ICU before the move to help ease the transition, then after his discharge from their unit they offered outpatient services that he still used. Straight after discharge he had attended every day for physical therapy as well as social activities with the other patients and psychological help, but slowly he had started school again with their assistance and reduced the amount of hours he spent at the unit. He was now down to just physio and psychological therapy sessions both once a week and the appointment on Sunday evening, although appointment was far too formal to suit the occasion.

Basically the evening was an opportunity for Tyler and his mom to ask any questions which weren't pressing enough to make an emergency call. There was hot cocoa and cake and meeting up with old friends who were patients and friends who were staff. Of course the staff also had ulterior motives and were always on the look out for any issues, mental or physical, and occasionally Tyler would be called aside for a little word. However so far so good tonight.

"Tyler, do you want anymore cake?" Suzie, his old nurse, offered.   
"No thanks," Tyler shook his head, then took a sip of his cocoa.   
"Benny?"  
"I'm full thanks,"  
"Me please Suzie!" Anna asked, giving across her empty plate shakily.   
"Course darling." Suzie nodded, kneeling down at the table and cutting another slice from Victoria sponge. She gave it back to the younger girl in the purple wheelchair, making sure it was safely on her lap before returning to her seat.

There were about 8 patients there that night, each accompanied by at least one parent, then maybe 4 members of staff floating around. Smaller subgroups had popped up, and Tyler was in the corner with two other kids with SCIs alongside the nurse who had once been his inpatient keyworker and was now Anna's.

Tyler got along very well with Benny, he'd been admitted half way through Tyler's stint and they had quickly become friends, however he didn't really know Anna that well. He'd learnt that she had fallen down the stairs in a multi-storey parking lot and had both broken her back and sustained a brain injury, but he didn't know anything beyond the diagnosis and he was intent on changing that.

"Do you like cake Anna?" Tyler broke the ice with quite an obvious question, but he hadn't completely gauged the extent of her injuries and wanted to start simple for her benefit. She nodded. "What's your favourite flavour?"  
"Chocolate!"  
"Oooh, good choice,"  
"Sorry to interrupt guys, can I steal Tyler away for a minute?" Danielle walked up to them and Tyler suppressed a groan. Bonding would have to wait.  
"Yeah okay." Tyler said, taking off his brakes and following the home nurse to a private space.

"Hey darling, you feeling a bit better today?"  
"Yeah thanks,"  
"You look a lot better, happier."  
"I feel it." Tyler agreed.   
"Good. Your mom told me you've been giving yourself a break since we spoke, so well done Ty."  
"Thank you, yeah, just thought there was no point being stubborn because I'm gonna be the one who pays the price."  
"Yeah, so you're feeling okay about it? I know you weren't keen yesterday."  
"Obviously I'd prefer to be completely independent,"  
"Obviously."  
"But yeah, I know I need to calm down a little bit, build up my tolerance slowly."  
"That's exactly the right attitude."  
"It's been 18 months since I started being able to move myself and even though it feels like a really long time, on the grand scale of things it isn't. Maybe in another year or two my shoulders will be up to the strain of a whole day of intense working out, but for now I've got to look after myself."  
"Music to my ears Ty." Danielle smiled. "And we'll work with you to build up strength and tolerance."  
"Thank you."

"So the pain has settled?"  
"Yep."  
"Good, and how about things with the girl? How did coffee go?"  
"Coffee went well, yeah, really well." He couldn't help but grin and she caught on, raising her eyebrows and making him laugh.   
"But it was a friendly coffee, right?"  
"Right."  
"So are you going to ask her out?"  
"Maybe. I want to, I just, nervous I guess."   
"Well I know it might be a little awkward or uncomfortable, but you know that everyone here is happy to help you with anything we can. You can talk to me and ask me for cliche dating tips, then you know that your therapist is there for more hard hitting deep rooted confidence issues, and I can get my hands on lots of information and advice booklets for things like sex after a spinal chord injury."  
"I might try talking to her without Josh holding my hand first," Tyler laughed. "But thanks Danielle."  
"Haha okay, but the offer still stands and always will do."

Tyler was thankful and maybe a little intimidated by her presumptions, however didn't say anything else as he heard his phone vibrate. He couldn't feel the alert on his leg, but had become so tuned into the sound that he didn't even blink twice as he pulled the device out and saw a text from Josh.

Josh: Waiting at the restaurant for Dale, wish me luck!  
Me: Go get him tiger ;)

 

 

Tyler: Go get him tiger ;)  
Josh smiled at his phone then put it away again, not wanting to be staring at the screen when Dale walked in and make a bad impression. He couldn't deny that he was nervous, his first ever date with Dale and his first ever date with a boy period. There was some comfort in the fact that they'd already grown close out the back of the coffee shop, however a semi-posh Italian restaurant was a whole new environment and a whole new ball game.

The door on the opposite side of the room opened and Josh looked up, and immediately made eye contact with Dale. He waved, then started speaking to the maitre'd which gave Josh the perfect chance to check him out. He was dressed up in fancy black pants and a powder blue shirt that was perfectly fitted to enhance his physique. He wore no tie and the shirt had enough buttons undone to be both classy and flirtatious, and Josh was quite frankly blown away. Made quite the change to the usual apron.

"Hey there," Dale smiled, showing off his white teeth as he sat opposite Josh, hanging the suit jacket which hadn't been worn on the back of his chair.   
"Hey,"  
"You scrub up well."   
"Thanks," Josh laughed a little awkwardly as he looked down at his plain black tie and plain white shirt. "And you look amazing."  
"Keep it in your pants Dun. At least until dessert." He winked as he poured himself a glass of water from the bottle Josh had ordered. He took a sip then looked back across at him. "Sorry, sorry, on the ride over here I told myself I wanted to keep tonight classy, 10 seconds in and I've already messed up."   
"Don't worry Dale, it's okay, wanna start over?"  
"Sure. Hi, my name's Dale but you can call me tonight."   
"Wow."  
"Haha I'm sorry. 5000 ton penguin - well that broke the ice."   
"You know, maybe I like you better with my tongue in your mouth, least that way you don't talk." Josh teased and they both laughed.

"But seriously, tonight isn't about that, tonight's about me getting to know the real you. Thank you for agreeing to come out with me, I'm really looking forward to this."  
"As am I." Josh agreed, then held up his water glass and they clinked them together. "To us."  
"To us." Dale repeated, then took a swig.

"So, Josh, how are you?"


	11. Chapter 11

"Tyler, Tyler darling, Tyler? Ty?" Mrs Clifton called softly and eventually it broke through, and he turned to face the teacher sat next to him at the desk. "You got distracted again Ty,"   
"Sorry sorry, I just, I dunno, sorry,"  
"You're struggling a bit this morning, would a change of scenery help? Wanna take a timeout and go outside?"  
"I wanna try again."  
"Okay." The 1-to-1 teaching assistant nodded then pointed to the math worksheet again as Tyler gripped the pencil that had slipped from his hand when he had zoned out for god knows how long.

"So you've already put this bit in the bracket, if you want to take it away from this side then what do you have to do?"  
"Take it away from both sides."  
"How?"  
"Subtract." He was about to write out the next line of the equation but Mrs Clifton held up a preventing hand.   
"Are you sure? Remember that a number directly in front of the bracket means multiply, what's the opposite of multiplication?"  
"Addition."  
"Opposite Ty."  
"Oh, um, uh," Tyler's brain just wasn't working with him that morning. "Uh,"  
"Division." She gave him the answer.  
"Yeah, dividing."  
"Good, so write out the side of the equation with X but miss out the brackets. Yep, good job, now how do you write that the other side has been divided?"  
"Is it divided by everything?"  
"Everything that's in this bracket here, yeh." Mrs Clifton kept her nail pointing to the point that he copied out. There were only a few numbers but he had to look up between every single one because he kept forgetting them.

"Great, so now all you need to do is take away Y."  
"And add it to the other side?"  
"No, same function, take away from both."  
"Right." Tyler bit his bottom lip whilst copying the row above with the small change and attempting not to get frustrated at himself.   
"There you have it, well done Tyler, you did it." She smiled proudly but he didn't. "I know they're tricky but-"  
"They're tricky for seventh graders, not seniors." He sighed.   
"Tyler this isn't seventh grade work, this is work that best suits you right now, this is your work,"  
"Zack does way harder stuff than this."  
"It doesn't matter about other people and their targets, everyone's different."  
"Different? That's code for dumb."  
"No Tyler, no it's not. You missed 6 months of school, you needed to relearn the majority of what you'd been taught before the accident, plus you've got the complication of memory and concentration difficulties. And yet in spite of that, you're still managing to make progress. There's nothing dumb about that."

"I just, I hate math."  
"See, you're not all that different from everyone else round here." She smiled. "But you raise a good point there, it is the math that you find hardest, whereas you're doing extremely well in your other subjects. I do honestly believe that it's a number processing thing, not an intelligence thing."  
"Extremely well? That's just not the case."  
"What, you don't believe me?"  
"No."  
"Do you wanna see your file?"  
"Mr Roberts said students aren't allowed."  
"Mr Roberts isn't here." Mrs Clifton laughed then stood up and walked to the filing cabinet in the back of the special ed classroom. Tyler looked down at his math sheet and saw how many questions he had skipped, and was yet to be cheered up.

"Right, Tyler Robert Joseph, what do we have in here?" She flicked through the blue file until she found the page she wanted, then showed Tyler a bunch of graphs and tables filled with numbers that meant nothing to him. "This column is your predicted grades based on your work before your accident, then these are your actual grades today."  
"Oh," was all he could say as he looked down the list and saw almost all of them were the same, math was lower but somehow English was even higher than expected.

"Then this is a list of the average grades in your class. See, you're not dropping behind, you're either average or above, forgetting math. And look here, average for English is a C+ and you're an A right now with a predicted A+ by the end of the semester. Tyler that puts you in the top 10 kids in your year."   
"Oh,"  
"And look here a second," the TA flipped to another page. "This is remedial math class, you're slightly below average still but only ever so slightly. And remember that average means that there are still kids with grades lower than that, so you're not the only student in senior year to be finding math a bit tricky."  
"Yeah." Tyler sighed as he scratched his chin, then saw one of the tabs in the file said graduation.

"What's that?" He pointed to it.   
"That's the bit where we decide whether we're gonna let you leave us or not."  
"I don't have enough credit to graduate this year." Tyler already knew what was confirmed by her flipping to the page which said it.   
"No you don't, however that doesn't mean you have to stay on next year."  
"Wait, what? I thought I did."  
"Well because you're in special ed there are special considerations. You know about your IEP right? Your individualised educational program?"  
"Yeh,"  
"If I write a letter saying that you've completed that program to the best of your ability then that qualifies you to graduate."  
"And will you?" Tyler grinned hopefully, relieved to learn that he was in with a chance of being just like Josh.   
"Oooh I dunno Ty, all this wingeing about being the worst at everything might not be productive. Maybe it's best you stay on for a whole other year and we sit here and work on math everyday until you start liking it?"  
"I dunno what you're talking about, I love math, math is the best." He laughed as he pulled out his sheet again and attempted the next question.

 

 

  
Ordinarily Josh was the first to arrive to the canteen each lunch for reasons that he couldn't quite put his finger on, however that Monday he was the last. After history with Jenna he suggested that she come and sit with them and she agreed happily but said she quickly needed to pop to her locker. It hadn't taken long at all but it still meant they were the last to arrive, and Josh was more than a little confused when he saw Brendon laying across Tyler's lap bridal style.

"What's going on here?" He asked as he laughed.   
"We're celebrating!" Brendon grinned.   
"Celebrating??"  
"I'm graduating this summer with all of you guys!" Tyler grinned, smile reaching his eyes in a way that struck Josh deep in his heart. No words would form in his mouth but instead he practically threw his arms around his best friend and squeezed him so tight from behind, feeling as he giggled, then pressed his lips against his temple, smacking them when he eventually let go.

"I'm so proud of you Tyler." He ruffled his hair and he laughed.   
"Thank you,"  
"Leave the gay crap to Pete." Brendon groaned playfully.   
"Oi, firstly, your ass is literally less than a centimetre from Tyler's dick." Pete heckled. "Secondly, Josh was the one who was on a hot date with a boy last night."  
"Oh yeah! How did it go?" He jumped off Tyler's lap and climbed onto the table instead, crossing his legs. Josh made sure that Tyler was able to roll himself a little close before he sat down, and Jenna sat on the other side of Tyler. He saw them make cute eye contact but left them to it.

"It went well, really really well." Josh couldn't help but smile.   
"How's that cherry holding up? Popped?"  
"No no, my cherry's just fine thank you, but we had a good night."  
"Tell us something about him because literally all I know is that he spells Pete with a double e and has the most gorgeous hair I've ever seen." Patrick asked and his boyfriend gasped offended.   
"He does that just to piss you off Pete." Josh laughed. "He spells Tyler with a K."  
"Where's the K?"   
"Wouldn't you like to know." Tyler winked and they all laughed.

"Dale, uh, well he's a freshman at OSU studying youth work and wants to be a social worker, speaks Italian, passionate about the inaccuracies in Narcos, has 2 kittens called Jessicat and Lucifur, lives with a lesbian roommate and they have a shrine to Ian McKellen in their front room. So you know, just your average guy."  
"And you said he wasn't much of a talker." Jenna teased.   
"Are you gonna go on a second date with him?"  
"That's the plan." He smiled to himself giddily and Brendon cooed.

"We should have a party, celebrate your gayness, celebrate Tyler managing to keep up and graduate with us, welcome Jenna to Columbus," Patrick proposed.   
"I literally love you." Brendon dead panned.   
"Well what about Ty's birthday? Are we gonna do something for that?"  
"When's your birthday?" Jenna asked Tyler, but he didn't reply.   
"Ty?" Josh prompted softly as he realised that his friend had zoned out again, he'd done the exact same thing on the drive to school that morning and it wasn't particularly uncommon. Another symptom of the damage the crash had caused.

"Should I flick him?" Brendon smirked.   
"No no just leave him, he's with the fairies, his birthday's December 1st."   
"Do you guys normally do something big to celebrate?" The blonde asked, not seeming to be overly phased by Tyler's absence.   
"I wouldn't exactly describe Tyler as a massive party animal." Patrick laughed.   
"Last year we all went to the zoo, got to feed the animals."  
"It was pretty cool actually."  
"Brendon you just spent the entire day comparing your dick size to theirs."   
"I'm a jaguar." Brendon winked and clicked his tongue at Jenna.

"Who's a jaguar?" Tyler managed to focus again.   
"My penis."  
"What, because it's so hard to find?"  
"Oh daaaaammnn," Josh happily joined in mocking him. "Nah we were just talking about your birthday, do you wanna do anything this year?"  
"I dunno, haven't planned anything."  
"Are you allowed to drink at the moment or are you still on those pills?" Spencer asked.   
"Nope, still on 'em."

"We don't have to drink though, we can just do something fun, I dunno," Josh shrugged.   
"Let's rent a bouncy castle!" Brendon suggested excitedly.   
"As you can see Jenna, my friends are all very thoughtful and considerate when it comes to my disability." Tyler said sarcastically to her and she laughed.   
"Hey I'm considerate! I could totally get you having fun in a bouncy castle."  
"How exactly would that work?"  
"Same way as we got you on the trampoline in the summer, lay you down and jump next to you."  
"And you remember what happened Beebo? You jumped on me you prat."  
"Pfff, you couldn't feel it."  
"My mom saw from the window and thought you'd killed me."  
"It was an accident!"  
"Well I think it's fair to say that I, a paraplegic, am taking any jumping activities off the list of potential birthday party plans."

 

 

  
Jenna wasn't exactly sure what she was doing or where she was going, a theme of late, but she knew she couldn't stay cooped up in her bedroom all the time and had to fulfil her appetite for adventure by wandering the cold Ohio streets alone. She still wasn't used to being able to see so much of the clear sky and more than that, so many stars. It wasn't even dark yet but the staggering lack of air pollution meant that the moon wasn't the only thing thinking above her and she couldn't help but smile.

She liked Ohio she decided, sure, there was a lot of corn, but there was also a lot of really great people. Of course she missed New York, missed her friends, her siblings, her apartment, but she felt truly blessed to be accepted so quickly by so many people, and knew she'd found herself some true friends.

As she meandered along the icy sidewalk of Seymour Street, she looked across the road and saw a familiar van. Tyler. She remembered him saying he lived "only a stone's throw away." and she saw a ramp going up to the door, and for some reason her heart fluttered. In a moment of strange bravery, she crossed the empty road and walked straight up the ramp to the door, knocking twice.

For a brief moment she contemplated why on Earth she had done that, what would she do next? What was the plan? But before she could awkwardly run away, a smiling blonde opened the door.

"Hello,"  
"Hi,"  
"Can I help you sweetheart?"  
"Yeh, um, uh, my name's Jenna, I just moved in down the street, I'm a friend of Tyler's?"  
"Oh you're Jenna hey," she smiled and Jenna blushed. "I'm Kelly, his mom, do you wanna come in and say hi?"  
"Would that be okay?"  
"Absolutely, follow me." Kelly said and so Jenna did, noting how she didn't have to step up as she entered the home. As she looked around the hall, she smiled again at how obviously accessible everything was for Tyler and was strangely relieved that he was looked after so well.

"He's just out the back with Josh, they come as a pair I'm afraid." The woman laughed and so did she.   
"That's okay, Josh is great."   
"That he is, that he is. Boys, you've got a visitor!" She announced as she opened the back door and they walked out together. Jenna saw that Josh was sat in Ty's wheelchair, which was obvious from his ridiculously bright yellow hair, then noticed Tyler was in the hammock next to him.

"Jenna's here guys."  
"Oh hello," Josh smiled up at her from the wheelchair.   
"Hi,"  
"Hey," she waved.   
"Ty are you warm enough?"  
"Yes Mom," he laughed and Jenna noticed he was already wrapped up in what appeared to be a sleeping bag. Moms were the same in Ohio and NYC alike it seemed.   
"Alright alright, I'll leave you to it. Be good. Oh and Jenna you're welcome to stay for dinner with us later if you'd like."  
"I'll have to check with my folks but thank you."   
"Thanks Mom," Tyler said as she walked away.

"So you managed to track us down hey?" Josh smirked.   
"Just followed the glowing beacon that is your hair."  
"Plus I did give you my address on Saturday." Tyler chimed in.   
"Oh yeah and that." She laughed. "Hope it's okay that I swung by, if you guys are doing something then I don't mind leaving you to it."  
"Nah we're just two boys bro-ing it out."  
"We're just two boys."   
"Just two boys." Josh repeated and she laughed because they were both adorable idiots.

"Would like to sit down? There's some garden chairs over there that Josh can bring over." Tyler offered.   
"Oh don't worry, I'll grab one," Jenna looked around to try and find where he had vaguely pointed.   
"No it's okay, take my seat, I'll get a new one." Josh insisted and leapt up out of Tyler's wheelchair then jogged across the grass. Jenna had never sat in a wheelchair before and was a little cautious as she moved the strap out of the way and settled down.

"I love the way he said his seat." Tyler laughed from the hammock.   
"But you're okay with me sitting in it?"  
"Course. Except she's not an it, she's called Susan."  
"Susan? Why Susan?" She asked with a smile.   
"Dunno really-"  
"Dale called, I'm gonna go home so we can talk dirty." Josh ran over with his phone to his ear and Jenna had to suppress a giggle at how poorly executed the excuse was.   
"Josh I can see that you're on calculator." Tyler called him out.   
"I dunno what you're on about Tyler, this is clearly Dale, I'll see you tomorrow?"  
"Thank you Josh," Jenna said quietly with a smirk.   
"See at least someone appreciates my genius, you'll have to excuse Tyler, he's new to this."  
"Well don't keep Dale waiting, and say hi from me." She laughed and so did he as he ran off back towards the house.

"Did he just ditch us for a calculator?"  
"With the best intentions." Jenna told him, but he had an innocence to his confused expression that filled her heart. "He's giving us some alone time together."  
"Oooohhh, oh I'm sorry,"  
"Don't be sorry."  
"He just, he's got this crazy idea that we're gonna end up together." Tyler spoke the truth and Jenna loved that about him.   
"Is it that crazy?" She asked and for a second Tyler was oblivious as to what she was hinting at, but then she could physically see as a wave of realisation washed over him. His cute little face fell then an anxious smile appeared and Jenna could tell that he was both embarrassed and surprised.

"I've haven't-, girls don't-, I, I don't-, I've never done this before."  
"That's okay Ty, I haven't either."  
"You've never dated?" He seemed surprised and she wasn't sure whether to be flattered or not.   
"I kissed a guy playing spin the bottle when I was 15, and I dated a different guy for about 5 minutes when I was 16. What I meant was that I've never connected with anyone so fast so well before. I dunno, you make me smile, make me laugh, make me wanna be around you. The more time I spend with you, the more time I want to spend with you."  
"I, um, I, I feel the same." Tyler stuttered nervously and Jenna smiled reassuringly. She'd never considered herself a particularly brave or bold person, but could tell she had to put herself out there because Tyler was far too anxious to do it and otherwise they'd never get anywhere. And she wasn't sure she would be able to stand never getting anywhere with him.

"My mom, she says that a hammer smashes the glass but strengthens the steel. I thought, back in New York, I thought I understood what that meant. It's a pretty rough place at times and you hear a lot of stories, and I always presumed that she was telling me I was made of steel because I lived life the way I wanted and I didn't let fear change who I was. But now, meeting you, I realise that I don't know the impact of a hammer and I mostly likely never will. I'm lucky." She said and he listened patiently. "I don't claim to even remotely understand your experiences or anything you've felt, however even I, who's only known you a week, can tell that you are the steel that my mom speaks of."   
"Thank you, that uh, that means a lot. Thank you Jenna."

"I know this is maybe a little, I don't know, quick? But how would you feel about maybe going out with me sometime?"  
"Like a date?"  
"Yes a date." Jenna nodded and watched as his mind raced.   
"I've never been on a date before though."  
"Tyler, it doesn't matter to me, okay? All that nonsense about practice makes perfect just isn't true, it's not about how many times you've done it before, it's about the company and I think you make excellent company."  
"You do?"  
"Course I do, otherwise I wouldn't ask you out."  
"Well I would feel very happy if we were to go on a date sometime then."

 


	12. Chapter 12

When Tyler woke up, he was confused when he saw that the stars above him were not the usual glowing plastic ones that his mother had so lovingly stuck up for him, and instead realised he was staring up at the real galaxy. Rather than the white ceiling and the white plastic coverings of the hoist tracks, Tyler could see a deep dark blackness that contrasted the tiny tiny white stars that seemed to grow in number by the second.

For a brief moment Tyler didn't let himself ponder the reason why he was under the night's sky when he could so clearly remember his mom putting him to bed, for a brief moment he let himself live in the dancing rays of the moonlight, for a brief moment he let himself relish. But all brief moments must, of course, come to an end.

He turned his head slightly to the left in search of clues and was immediately met by one when he felt and heard a strange movement as his head twisted. It was impossible to put his finger on exactly what the sensation was, so he twisted his head further and that was when it clicked - his head was on sand.

Just because he'd managed to connect the feeling to the cause didn't mean he understood it anymore than he had before, and so craned his neck and looked around. Al he saw was sand, dunes and dunes of sand stretching to the horizon in every single direction. Panicked, he looked every possible way he could and saw nothing but sand. He was stranded in the middle of a desert.

Panic filled his soul and wouldn't go away no matter how many times he gulped. Terrified, he attempted to sit up but failed and realised that he was completely numb from the middle of his chest down. By that point tears began to seep from his swollen eyes but he ignored them, determined to sit up, and used his arms in an effort to prop himself up. He could only hold his chest slightly off the sand but it was enough for him to be able to look down at his legs in horror. They were rotten, completely rotten, all the skin was long since gone and the flesh had been torn and ripped away, and that which remained was a horrific brown. The stench made Tyler feel physically sick, chipped yellow bones of his skeleton poking out from the decayed muscle, and his shaking arms could no longer possess the strength to hold him up and he collapsed back down onto the hot sand in a fit of tears.

Scared. Alone. Petrified, and half rotten. Tyler didn't know what else he could do except sob.

His hands had barely covered his face before he felt a sudden surge of air collide with them. At first he ignored it as he cried, but when suddenly something brushed against his forearm and he flinched terrified. A scream escaped his lips when he looked up at where the stars had once been but was instead surrounded by a twisting turning tornado of crows circling him. The birds screeched and squawked and harsh feathers brushed against his face, but once he began screaming they began attacking. He was blinded by the sudden plummeting of hundreds of creatures that all dived straight at him and ripped his clothes and scratched his skin and pecked his eyes. As he howled they began clawing at his tongue and even though he couldn't feel the pain, he could see the creatures escaping with beaks full of rotten flesh. His rotten flesh.

"Tyler, Tyler, Tyler shh, it's okay, sweetheart it's okay, shh, Momma's here, shh," he heard his mother's soothing words and awoke with a startled gasp. He subtle glowing stars of his bedroom ceiling were a welcome sight but he still couldn't breathe and gasped for air, panicking and struggling against the obstruction threatening to kill him.

"Sweetheart calm, shhh, calm, let me take your mask off, better?" Mom removed the CPAP mask and he was free to heave in giant breaths that did nothing to satisfy his desperation for air. "It wasn't real, just a nasty nightmare honey,"  
"They were eating me Mommy, they were eating me." Tyler managed to confess before collapsing into sobs again. He could barely hear her sighing sympathetically over the jerking sounds of his terrified weeps, but after a moment felt her hands scoop under his neck and back and prop him upwards then hug him tight to her chest, squeezing tightly.

"I promise they're gone now angel, nothing's going to eat you, nothing and nobody's going to hurt you I promise, Momma's got you, shh, calm, you're safe now Ty, you're safe," she attempted to reassure him but it wasn't working because Tyler swore he could still see a bird in the dark corner and he swore he could still feel them flapping in his hair and he swore he could sense them ripping ripping ripping his flesh from his bones. The crying only got worse.

"Swee-" Mom started saying but was interrupted when suddenly Tyler threw up all down her chest and all down himself, and sobbed harder with shame.   
"S-s-o-r-ry,"  
"Just breathe okay? Nice deep slow breaths, you're not in danger, we can clear that up, don't worry, just focus on calming down. Chris?! Can you come in here please!"  
"M-o-m,"  
"Tyler angel I'm here, okay? I'm here. The nightmare's over, I'm here. You're safe."  
"Is there anything I can do?" Dad walked into the room and asked softly.   
"Can you turn the light on dimly then grab Tyler a cloth please? Maybe a sick bowl too."  
"Okay, don't worry Tyler, it's gonna be okay." He said, turning on the over head light that burned Tyler's eyes until he twisted the knob to a mere glow, then walked over to the cabinet in the corner and pulled out a white muslin cloth and disposable sick bowl which he put down on the edge of the bed.

"Has he been sick on you?"   
"A little,"  
"Alright, go and change love, I'll clean him up."  
"Is that alright Ty? Stay with Dad? I'll be right back."  
"O-o-o-k-kay," he gasped, still not able to breathe. Mom kissed him on the head whilst Dad put the back of the bed up and then she leant him against it, squeezed his hand, then left to take off her vomit covered pyjamas.

"Calm down Tyler, you're gonna make yourself sick again, come on, shhhshhh, you're okay, Dad's gonna look after you, shhh," Dad said and he tried, he really tried, but his efforts seemed futile as fear pulsed through his veins and dictated his every move. His father unfolded the cloth a little then began mopping Tyler's chin and neck clean before he set it aside.

"I'm gonna take your top off, okay?" He told him but Tyler could barely nod he was shaking so much. His dad rolled the plain black shirt half way up before helping Tyler to lean forwards a bit so he could pull it over his head and arms. It was tossed to the ground and then his chest was wiped for safe keeping.

"Tyler, son, listen to me. You're gonna make yourself ill if you keep this up, I know nightmares can be scary but they're not worth this sort of reaction. Just try and slow down your breathing for me."  
"I, c-c-ca-an't," he barely managed to choke out.   
"I'm back, I'm back," Mom announced, wearing fresh pyjamas. "Darling would you like a drink of water? Or another sleeping tablet? What's gonna help you calm down?"  
"C-a-an't b-b-re-reathe."  
"Yes you can angel, and right now you're just doing it far too fast."  
"I w-wa-ant J-J-Josh,"  
"It's 4 in the morning darling, Josh is asleep."  
"P-p-pl-plea-se,"  
"Son if he's asleep then there's nothing we can do about that, now come on, deep breaths," Dad replied.   
"I wa-ant Josh!"  
"Tyler no-"  
"Shall we call him? Yeah? He won't answer because it's the middle of the night, but if you want to talk to his voicemail then that's okay sweetie, and then when he does wake up he can call you back and already understand what happened." Mom suggested and Tyler nodded.

 

At the time, setting his favourite song as the ringtone for his favourite person seemed like a good idea, although it soon became apparent that it was too difficult to resist the urge to sing along rather than actually answer the call. However when the call came through in the middle of the night, Josh knew it wasn't the time for karaoke.

"Ty? What's going on?" Josh didn't even clear his throat before picking up the phone.   
"J-o-o-sshh," his best friend cried and he immediately sat bolt up right in his bed and tried not to panic.   
"Are you with your parents? Safe?"  
"Y-y-yeah."  
"Alright good. Are you in pain?"  
"N-o-o."  
"Nightmare?"  
"Uh huh."  
"Now Tyler, I need you to listen to me, okay?"  
"O-o-o-kay."  
"Nightmares can't predict the future, whatever happened isn't going to happen to you. It's a figment of your imagination, that's all, and that means it can't hurt you and you're completely safe Tyler. You're safe." Josh hushed him, listening to his distressed whimpers. He rubbed his eye with his free hand and switched the lamp on his bedside table on whilst he gave Tyler time to process what he had said.

"You're safe."  
"The, the, the b-b-irds,"  
"In the desert?" Josh guessed which nightmare he'd had.   
"Y-ye-eh,"  
"Okay you know what I want you to do Ty? I want you to touch your legs, get Mom to help you if you need, just touch them. They're not rotten, they're not going to rot, they will never rot." He said slowly and softly. "Can you do that for me?"  
"I, I, I did,"  
"Well done Ty, and were they rotten?"  
"N-no."  
"No, exactly, they're not because the nightmare wasn't real and the birds aren't real and you have nothing to fear."  
"Yeh," Tyler whispered shakily.

"I have my uh, I've got my notebook here with me," Josh told him as he picked up the leather bounded paper from beside the lamp and managed to undo the string fastening with his spare hand. "Would you like to hear a poem?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Have you got a preference?"  
"N-no."  
"How about the sea never stops? I like that one."  
"Yeh,"   
"Okay." He said, then flipped to the page where he knew the poem was written out. It wasn't an original but it was part of the collection that the best friends had formed over the past few months exactly for situations like this.

"The sea never stops to explain that its constant pulsing is the only thing that keeps some people sane at night. The sea never stops to show mercy to those caught up in its depths, knowing what they were heading into from the start. The sea never stops to try and change its blazing ferocity to calm still. It is what it is, it exists for no one's pleasures. The sea never stops to bleed out its glistening cobalt and switch it to emerald, to gold or ruby. The sea never stops to ponder on it’s own vastness, to feel remorse for creatures whom dislike her embrace. The sea never stops her infinite journey and neither should you." Josh read rhythmically, squinting in the dim light and listening to Tyler's slowing breaths.

"Would you like to hear another? There's the candle sonnet?" He offered a moment later.   
"Piano,"  
"The one about the piano? Okay, lemme just find it."  
"Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me." Tyler began and Josh smiled to himself, not only because his friend was clearly feeling better but also because his friend's memory was getting so much better too.  
"Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see; A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings; And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings. In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song; Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong; To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside; And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide."  
"Keep going,"  
"So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour; With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour; Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast; Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past."

"Thank you Josh."  
"Oh that's okay bud." Josh closed the notebook and put it aside then laid back down again.   
"No really, it's the middle of the night, you didn't have to answer. Thank you."  
"Course I answered, couldn't go and let my Ty ring out now could I?"  
"I always appreciate you being there for me, you know that right?"  
"I know." He said honestly.

"Are you tired?" Tyler asked.   
"Probably not as tired as you. I don't need to sleep, we can talk."  
"You do need sleep J,"  
"Nope, I'm an elite member of a superior race that transcends the mere mortal's need for sleep." Josh joked and felt a smile creep onto his lips when he heard Tyler laugh a little. "I love you Ty,"  
"I love you too."  
"You okay?"  
"Better. Thank you."  
"Anytime."

"Mom says I should try and sleep now."   
"I think your Mom's right Ty. And if you can't? Call me back."  
"I will."  
"You'll see me in a couple of hours, okay? Tell your mom to lay me a place at the breakfast table, I'll be there bright and early."  
"I'll be counting down the minutes."  
"Oh don't be counting down till you see little old me, you've got a more important person to be counting down to."  
"Huh?"  
"Jenna you plonker." Josh reminded him and he laughed a little.   
"What, you mean I didn't dream that?"  
"No, no you didn't Mr Lover Boy."

 

 

  
As Josh was walking down the hall away from English and towards the canteen, he heard someone call his name. Even though he was in a slight rush, he slowed down and turned to see Brendon and Spencer a little further behind him.

"Hola muchacho," Brendon cheerfully wrapped his arm around Josh as they continued walking.   
"Heya,"  
"How the devil are you my good friend? Haven't seen you today."  
"I am very tired." He laughed, "You two?"  
"I'm good thanks mate,"  
"Yeah me too." Spencer agreed. "What's got you so exhausted? Up all night with Dale?"  
"I wish."  
"What's your excuse then dude, because these bags could carry a small family's groceries." Brendon poked his cheek and Josh batted him off playfully.

"Ty."  
"Was he up all night?"  
"Not all night, woke me up at 4 and I couldn't get back to sleep after that."  
"Were you with him? Or over the phone?" Spencer asked.   
"Phone."  
"Pain?" Brendon presumed.   
"Nightmare."  
"Oh shit, that fucking sucks, I'm sorry."   
"Far worse for him than me, but he wasn't too difficult to calm down to be honest."  
"You still doing that poetry thing with him?" Spencer asked as they turned a corner.   
"Yeh, and it's definitely working."  
"Good."

"What was the nightmare about?"  
"Well if you psychoanalyse the actual dream then it was about loneliness, abandonment, claustrophobia slash suffocation and a good old bit of fear over his legs."  
"Did something happen yesterday to trigger it?"  
"I think it's just the Jenna thing if I'm honest."  
"But I thought she asked him out? Isn't that a good thing?" Spencer said confused.   
"She did, she did, he's just nervous about messing up and when he gets nervous he get anxious and when he gets anxious he gets panicky and that's when nightmares start happening."

"Well we all know that you can calm him down with one word, but if there's anything we can do then let us know."  
"I will, thanks. I'm actually gonna go meet him in special ed, but I'll see you in the canteen?"  
"Sure thing babydoll, see you round clown."  
"Love you too," Josh shook his head with a disapproving smile as he parted way with his friends and headed in the opposite direction to the steady flow of people rushing to get food. It was hard enough navigating the corridors without getting barged whilst walking, let alone in a chair, and it was one of the few situations where he actually felt bad for Ty.

He knocked on the door to the room he knew Tyler was in and heard a woman telling him to come on, so he quickly stepped inside and shut it behind him. It was easy to locate his best friend, and immediately saw him at a table with his 1:1, except to Josh's concern he had his head on the desk and his arms crossed over the top of it protectively.

"Ty? Is everything okay?"  
"He's feeling a bit dizzy." Mrs Clifton explained.   
"I'm good," Tyler said, sitting up and revealing his sickly face.   
"You look really pale Ty,"  
"I'm, I'm just tired,"  
"Was your blood pressure okay this morning?"  
"Yeh yeh, honest, I'm good."  
"If it gets worse then I want you to call Mom and see if she knows what to do." Mrs Clifton told him.   
"I would but I don't think I'll need to."  
"Okay, we'll see, have a nice lunch break,"   
"Thanks Mrs C," Josh smiled as Tyler shakily reversed and turned towards the exit.   
"Yeah thanks, see ya,"  
"Bye boys,"

Josh held the door open for him then followed him down the hall in silence for a few seconds, smirk on his face.   
"What?" Tyler laughed when he noticed.   
"I dunno man, it's just, you're just,"  
"Just what?"  
"You're always fine Tyler, you could be inside a shark's mouth being eaten and still be trying to convince everyone you're absolutely fine."   
"I dunno, don't wanna cause a fuss." He shrugged as he pushed himself along.   
"I know, and it's simultaneously something I love about you and something I hate about you."   
"I haven't had anything to drink since breakfast and I'm really thirsty and kinda hungry so that's probably why I feel a bit off, you don't need to stress Josh."  
"I'm not stressing, just voicing concern."  
"Well consider your concerns voiced." Tyler smiled.

"Soooooo,"  
"So?"  
"So Jenna, have you thought about what you're gonna say to her this lunch?"  
"No? Should I have done? Josh man you're supposed to tell me these things! You're my dating guru!"  
"Firstly, I'm honoured, secondly, don't worry about it Ty, just be yourself, she likes you for you," Josh reassured him as they arrived at the main canteen and saw their friendship group, trying not to smile when he noticed that Jenna was sitting in the seat next to the gap left for Ty.

Everyone said hello to them and Brendon smirked at Josh as he sat down, clearly realising the same thing as he had. The conversation they had been having died instantly and everyone sort of looked at each other awkwardly, not sure whether to say anything or give them privacy or what.   
"Guys! Seriously! Chill!" Tyler exclaimed. "Pete, Pat, have you two not got some new weird sex story to tell us?"  
"Context Tyler! Context!" Josh rushed to say when he saw Jenna raise her eyebrows in shock.   
"Ah, yes, I suppose that does sound a bit..."  
"Yes, yes it does." Jenna laughed. "I'm guessing there's a backstory?"  
"Pat's into kinky shit." Pete winked and his boyfriend gasped horrified and shoved him, going red with embarrassment. Everyone laughed, and Josh smiled to himself when he saw Jenna and Tyler smiling at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - poems are not written by me, the sea one has been difficult to find a source for but I believe it to be written by someone called Sophia? If you know then please comment. And piano was written by D.H.Lawrence <3 x


	13. Chapter 13

"Mom, you're not coming in with me." Tyler groaned as she tightened his tie for him for the hundredth time.   
"I'm not gonna stay, I just wanna make sure you get settled in okay."  
"I'll be fine!"  
"What if the table is on the higher level? I'll just help you up the step then I'll leave." She said, folding his collar back down.   
"Jenna asked for the table to be on ground level when she reserved it."  
"I'll just check though? These messages can get lost along the way."  
"Yeh yeh, then you'll just stick around to say hi to Jenna, then you'll just stick around to have one drink with us, then you'll just stick around to see that our food arrives, then you'll just stick around-"  
"Okay okay! I get it!" Mom laughed, then ruffled his hair.

"Hey I styled that."  
"Messy and disheveled is all the rage now,"  
"Mom."  
"Sorry darling, I'm just, I'm excited for you Ty." She smiled, sitting down in the back of the open van with her feet hanging over the edge. He had already got out and was in the street so they were pretty much the same level.   
"I'm excited too."  
"Nervous?"  
"Yeah," he nodded.   
"I think that's normal darling, don't worry, Jenna seems lovely and I'm sure she's just as nervous."  
"Maybe."

"I'm proud of you, you know that sweetheart?"  
"I know," Tyler smiled at her.   
"You've come a long way, and I'm not going to go on another long emotional speech because I'll get myself all upset, but we're all really proud of you angel. Really proud. You're my hero."  
"Thank you Mom."  
"Is that her?" She asked and Tyler looked over his shoulder and saw a car pulling up, instantly recognising the blonde hair of the driver.   
"Yeh,"  
"Alright well I'll leave you to it, text me when you get the check and I'll come and pick you up."  
"Thanks,"  
"Good luck darling, have fun,"  
"Bye,"  
"Bye," she smiled then climbed out of the back and drove away whilst Tyler went towards the door of the restaurant with a crazy number of butterflies flapping away in his stomach.

"Hey there," Jenna walked up a moment later and for a brief second Tyler was lost for words, blown away by how stunning she looked. A simple clip held back her hair but it was effortlessly perfect, her make up lightly but beautifully applied, her dress, well, her dress was stunning. She looked stunning and his butterflies multiplied.   
"Wow, you look, you look gorgeous,"  
"Oh thank you," she grinned as she tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "And you look great too, I like the tie."  
"It's my dad's, supposed to give me good luck."  
"Aw that's sweet. Should we go in?"  
"Yeah okay." He nodded then smiled gratefully at she held open the door for him before following behind.

"Hello, welcome to number 9, do you have a reservation?" The maitre'd greeted them with a fake smile.   
"Yes we do, table for 2 under the name Black." Jenna replied and he checked his book.   
"Of course, right this way." He lead them down a path that was just about wide enough for Tyler, over to a small table with 2 chairs. Jenna sat down but Tyler was too awkward to say anything and the gentleman hadn't seemed to realise that Tyler couldn't join her because the chair was in the way.

"Excuse me, can you take that away please? I asked in advance and I would have appreciated if you'd prepared for us." Jenna realised and Tyler smiled appreciatively.   
"Oh, oh of course, I'm so sorry sir, here, allow me." He said, moving the chair to another table then grabbing Tyler's handles without asking first and wheeling him to the newly made spot. It was one of his pet peeves but didn't say anything, only gulped.   
"Thanks," he whispered.   
"Enjoy your meal," the man said then scurried back to his post.

"Are you okay?" Jenna immediately noticed his upset.   
"Yeah yeah, it's just, you know, don't really like people pushing without checking first."  
"No of course not, and also I did tell them to set up with 1 chair. I'm sorry that they messed it up, do you want me to go and have a word with that guy? Get him to apologise?"  
"No, thanks and everything, but I'd rather just move on."  
"Okay, good plan, don't let him get us off to a bad start tonight."  
"Exactly, this is gonna be fun." Tyler smiled and so did she.  
"I agree."

"Have you eaten here before?" She asked as she picked up a menu.   
"Yeh once or twice, we came for my mom's birthday a while back."  
"Any recommendations?"  
"I had the risotto last time which was really good," Tyler told her. "But I bet you're used to really good food, what with your mom doing cookbooks."  
"I'm used to a lot of experiments, that's for sure."  
"Oh you're chief taste tester hey?"  
"Yep. Every night this week I've eaten 10 different herb crusted cod fillets that all tasted identical and yet somehow I had to come up with extensive feedback for every single one. Fair to say I'll be steering clear of the fish menu tonight." Jenna said and Tyler laughed.

"What's the weirdest thing she's ever had you try?"  
"She went through a phase of trying to invent new ice cream flavours which initially I was excited for, however when she started testing savoury flavours I started getting concerned, and I had to draw a line after blue cheese."  
"Wow, uh, that's, um, different?" He shook his head with a sigh and Jenna giggled.

"Good evening sir, madam, my name's Mandy I'll be your waitress tonight, would you like to order any drinks?"  
"Jenna?" Tyler offered for her to go first.   
"Can I get a lemonade?"  
"Course, ice?"  
"Please, plus a sparkling water, Ty do you wanna share a big bottle?"  
"Yeah okay." He nodded and Mandy jotted it down.  
"And you sir?"  
"Coke please, hold the ice."  
"Absolutely. Are you ready to order your food just yet or do you need a little more time?"  
"I'm ready." Jenna said.   
"Me too."  
"Okay great, would either of you like a starter?" The waitress asked and again Tyler gestured for Jenna to go first.   
"No thank you, not for me, but please can I get the chicken and mushroom risotto main?"  
"Yep, and you sir?"  
"Again no starter, spaghetti Bolognese please."  
"Great choice." She noted it down. "Will that be all?"   
"Yes thank you."  
"I'll get those drinks for you," Mandy smiled then walked away, and Tyler made eye contact with Jenna again and was reminded of how beautiful she was.

"I like this music." Jenna said and Tyler looked around and saw a gentleman playing a piano in the corner of the upper section of the restaurant.   
"Me too, he's really good."  
"You can always tell it's a fancy restaurant when the pianist doesn't have sheet music."   
"Sheet music's for dorks." He smiled and so did she.   
"Can you read it?"  
"I can, I don't like to. I taught myself how to play so it wasn't how I learnt and I guess it just feels forced, fake."  
"Oh that's interesting," she seemed to say honestly.

"What kind of music are you into?" Tyler asked.   
"Urmm, well I can't play anything like you, but I'm really into bands, but do genres even exist anymore? Amber Run, Kodaline, my favourite is actually this British duo, they're called Seafret, have you heard of them?"  
"No, should I have done?"  
"They're still kinda small, Maisie Williams is in one of their videos."  
"Well I know her, game of thrones right?"  
"Right." She nodded.   
  
"Hi, Coke?"  
"Mine," Tyler raised his hand a little and Mandy placed it in front of him, then gave Jenna her lemonade. She opened up the bottle of sparking water and filled both their glasses, then walked away.   
"Thank you," Jenna called after her.

"So a Maisie Williams music video?"  
"Yeah, that one's cool, my favourite is actually another one." She said, taking a sip of her drink before continuing. "It's called wildfire, it's so beautiful. There was this experiment done back in the 90s, you get two single people together and give them this set of questions to answer, then at the end of them they stare each other in the eyes solidly for 4 minutes. They do it with volunteers in the music video and it's so cute to watch."  
"We should do it."  
"What?"  
"Yeah, we should do it. I mean we don't have to do the staring part, but maybe the questions would be fun?" Tyler suggested, heart in his mouth but smile on his face.   
"Okay, yeah, yeah let's do it." Jenna decided with a nod. "Let me just google the questions."  
"Okay,"

Whilst Jenna typed away on her phone, Tyler took a mouthful of his drink then realised he hadn't taken off his cycling gloves. They were meant to protect his hands from his wheels but they were already calloused and rough so they served little purpose. He put them in the bag on the back of his chair then turned back to face his beautiful date.

"Alright there are 36 questions so we might not get through them all, but that's okay."  
"Yeah that's fine, what's the first one?"  
"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?" She asked, setting the phone down so she could listen to his answer.   
"Hmm, probably David Attenborough, I've watched pretty much all of his documentaries,"  
"Ooh good choice, I feel like he'd have so many amazing stories."  
"Yeah definitely. I've seen quite a few interviews with him, like he was on Graham Norton and he was amazing. I reckon one dinner would barely make a dent in his bank of stories but it would still blow my mind. Who would you invite?"  
"Probably Boudicca. Strong powerful woman."  
"Nuff said." Tyler smiled.

"Okay next. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?"  
"Yeah I do, sometimes I write down bullet points." He told her. "I've told you before that I've got memory issues, and sometimes I forget what I called to ask. Especially when it's someone like Josh, because we can just talk for hours and then I'll get off the phone and realise I never said what I meant to say. So if I'm having just a chat then no, but if I actually need to achieve something then I say it aloud a few times and I write it down. Usually does the trick."  
"Yeah," she nodded along. "I don't. If it's something urgent then I tend to text, phone calls are more of a chance to gossip and that's near impossible to rehearse."  
"Yeah, true,"

"Number 3, what would constitute a "perfect" day for you?"   
"Hmm," he plotted whilst drinking his Coke, "well, Josh would have slept over so he'd be there when I woke up. When I woke up I would be healthy - not cured or anything, just having a stable day - and then we'd go to church together with the guys. Afterwards we'd all go to the skate park and they'd be on their skateboards or bikes or whatever and I'd be in my chair."  
"Have you done that before? Gone down the ramps in your wheelchair?"   
"Yeah yeah, we used to do it all the time until one time it went wrong and I crashed and broke my leg. Obviously not a major deal, I couldn't feel it so I wasn't in pain or anything and the cast didn't exactly affect me, however my parents banned me and all my friends got a bit freaked out and we stopped."

"But you wanna do it again?"  
"Hell yeah I do." He nodded and she smiled. "Now the quickest I go is down the hill outside the pharmacy, but nothing quite compares to the thrill of the ramps."  
"Sounds pretty awesome, not gonna lie."  
"It was pretty awesome, so I'd love to do that. Afterwards I would go to Larry's scrapyard with Josh. He's an old friend of ours and when we were young we used to play in the yard all day every summer, messing about with imagination games and make believe and stuff."  
"Like Troy and Chad in high school musical 3,"  
"Exactly like high school musical 3," Tyler laughed because it was true. "When we got older, Josh's older cousin had taught him how to fix up cars and so Josh was teaching me. We had this project with his brother too and I absolutely loved it, felt cool, but we never got to finish it. Now I can't physically reach over the engine far enough, however if it was my perfect dream day then that little fact wouldn't matter."  
"Aww that sounds like a great day."

"How about you? What's your perfect day?"  
"First thing, wake up to a giant stack of pancakes."  
"Blueberry I hope?"  
"Of course, what other options are there?" Jenna laughed as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I'd eat them in bed and have a lie in till the middle of the day. Afterwards I would meet up with all my siblings; they stayed behind in New York and I miss them like crazy."  
"Yeah, I can't imagine being away from mine."  
"We'd all sit around and watch reruns of modern family, and Mom would be feeding us weird flavoured popcorn and we'd all be in hysterics. Then later we'd go down to the lake and I'd get to go for a sail, feel the wind in my hair, that whole cliche. In the evening we'd all go for dinner and make fun of how bad I was at sailing, then we'd end up walking home together, all the girls carrying their heels and all the boys laughing at us. End up back at home telling stories."  
"Family day."   
"Exactly." Jenna nodded. "They mean the world to me."  
"I understand."

"When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?"  
"Urm, honestly I'm not sure. I don't sing as much as I used to and as much as I'd like to."  
"Why's that?"   
"Well for obvious reasons I can't shower, so that rules out quite a popular place to sing. I dunno, I just, I mean I used to sing a lot because I used to write a lot, and that was always done in the privacy of the basement. I did used to put on little shows for my family but beforehand I would get as confident as I could by working hard on things alone, and now I can't get down the basement steps and I'm rarely alone."  
"Yeah,"   
"Plus, and I guess this is a more positive thing, I used to struggle with depression."  
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry,"  
"Don't be, I think after my accident I found a new appreciation for life. And I know that's so cheesy, but it's true."  
"No that's not cheesy, it's beautiful."  
"Quite a lot of my depression and internal conflict was about whether God either cared about me or even existed at all, however knowing that He looked over me and kept me alive has been unbelievably comforting and I haven't needed the relief that song writing used to give me."  
"Yeah,"

"I reckon you still have a lot of really interesting stories and opinions and points of view though, your songs don't need to be about struggle to be powerful." Jenna said a moment later. "I know for one that I'd love to hear something you wrote."  
"Maybe I'll have a squiggle in my journal again."  
"Well when you're done I'll meet you at the school piano practice room again."  
"Or maybe you could come to my house and listen?"  
"Maybe." She smiled.

"Hello, I have risotto?"  
"That's mine thanks," Jenna said and the waiter, not Mandy, placed the bowl in front of her. "Wow, thank you,"  
"And the spaghetti sir,"  
"Great, thanks,"  
"Can I get you anything else?"  
"No thank you,"  
"Enjoy your meal," he told them then left them to it.

"You never got the chance to answer, when did you last sing?"  
"Easy, shower, not quite as interesting," the blonde laughed, then unlocked her phone again.   
"Do you want me to read some of the questions? Take it in turns?"   
"Yep okay, here," she passed across her phone to him and he took a moment to establish where they were up to. "You look cute when you're concentrating."  
"Doesn't happen very often, don't get used to it." He smirked before asking. "Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?"  
"Hmmm," Jenna hummed as she finished her mouthful of risotto. "Well I wish it would be doing something legendary, you know, tight rope over Grand Canyon, swinging vines in the jungle, hunting dinosaurs, that sort of thing. Most likely old age if I'm honest, I'm a tad on the cautious side."  
"Yeah,"

"How about you?"   
"Nope."  
"No? You don't wanna answer?"  
"No I'm not gonna die." Tyler smiled and Jenna laughed.  
"Ohhhh okay, sure sure sure."  
"I already did the whole bright white light thing, crossing over to the other side, saying hey to God, hearing the voices of loved ones telling me they missed me, hashing it out with the angels then popping back down here to earth as an immortal."  
"Standard." She giggled. "How close did you come?"  
"To dying? Pretty close."  
"Is any of it true? The white light and everything?"  
"Nah, fraid not. All I remember is the car skidding and then waking up a week later."  
"Well next near death experience you've gotta promise to take better notes."  
"I promise." He laughed then filled his mouth with another forkful of spaghetti.

"Okay I think we're supposed to do this one together, name three things you and your partner appear to have in common."  
"Right okay, hmm, well we both eat food." Tyler said.   
"Both grow our own hair."  
"Both breathe oxygen."  
"That's the sort of hard hitting revelations they were after, right?"  
"Right." He agreed with a smile, then took her phone again.

"For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"  
"I don't know, I feel very lucky, very blessed,"  
"Yeah,"  
"Hmm, well I guess it's a good thing that I have so much to choose from!" Jenna smiled.   
"That's sweet."  
"I think I'd probably have to go for the opportunities I've been given in life. My parents have always been very facilitative so I've been able to join lots of clubs and travel to lots of places, and I've also been quite fortunate to be in the right palace at the right time for those opportunities to turn up on my doorstep. So yeah, my opportunities, you?"  
"Josh."  
"Didn't even hesitate." She grinned as she listened.   
"Course not, he's hands down the best thing to have ever happened to me. And don't get me wrong, my family are great, amazing, go above and beyond every single day, but Josh is something special."  
"You can tell straight away just by looking at you two together."  
"You can?" Tyler smiled and she nodded.

"I mean best friend doesn't do him justice. When we were kids he was the only other guy who had an imagination as wild as mine and we'd play make believe all day everyday. I was a pretty nervous kid, scared about going to school, scared about going to clubs, scared about going to camp, however all it took was one glance across to Josh by my side and I was fine."  
"Mmm," she nodded again, mouth full.   
"And during high school when the depression started getting noticeably worse, he still had that impact on me. Could temporarily make me feel a little better, lighten the load for a moment, keep me safe."   
"Were you unsafe?"  
"I never tried to take my own life, never hurt myself, but that was entirely because he was there to stop me every time I felt the urge."  
"So he saved your life."  
"Many times." Tyler nodded, taking a quick drink.

"Then after the accident I was in a coma for 8 days and Josh literally did not leave the ward."  
"Oh wow, bless him,"  
"That's basically been the theme ever since, him sticking by my side. He stayed with me whilst I was in ICU, he visited me every day in rehab, he came to my house when I was discharged, he sat in the waiting room through every appointment, he drives me to physio and he wakes up in the middle of the night to talk to me and every single day he's there for me and he's checking I'm okay and he's looking after me and yet he still finds a way to be my best friend and not my carer."  
"Like you said, he's special." Jenna said with a warm glow. "I'm glad you have him."  
"So am I."

"Wanna do another question?" The beautiful woman asked and Tyler nodded, noticing how she had finished her meal and he hadn't so hurried a little. "If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?"  
"Hmm, umm,"  
"It's okay, don't rush, I don't want you to choke Ty. I'll answer first. If I could gain any ability, I'd like to be able to turn invisible on demand. I feel like it would be cool to see what people say about me when they think I can't hear them. Then obviously the classic hunting down of arch enemies and driving them mad by convincing them that ghosts are real."  
"Classic." He chuckled, swallowing down his pasta.

"And what's your dream ability?"   
"To walk again." Tyler said without pausing, then took a moment before deciding that maybe he wasn't being completely honest with himself. "Actually, you know what, no."  
"No?"  
"No. Not being able to walk, it sucks at times, it sucks during the winter when the sidewalks are all icy and it sucks when there's a big game and I can't even go and sit up in the bleachers at the pep rally, let alone play. But you know what? It doesn't always suck."  
"Yeah?" Jenna seemed to encourage him proudly.   
"I've made a lot of truly amazing friends both at rehab and at wheelchair basketball, I feel a part of a community for the first time ever, I make people proud every day, I'm closer to my family than ever before, on the most part I'm happier than ever before. I appreciate the small things, I understand what my life is worth to those around me, I've felt the overwhelming volume and strength of the love and support from everyone I know. Being in a wheelchair, it's obviously changed a lot of things in my life. Initially it felt like everything had been taken away, that I'd lost so much, been stripped of everything. However I'm starting to learn that I've actually gained a lot too, I've gained a new awareness of how important it is to value your life."  
"Wow,"

"Plus, you know, disabled kids get pity dates which give us the chance to woo pretty girls and make them fall in love with us." Tyler laughed and so did Jenna, then reached across the table and placed her hand on top of his. Butterflies.

"Tyler, this isn't a pity date." She rubbed her thumb across his hand. "This is a date, a really really great date, and I'd love it if we could do this again some time."  
"I'd love that too."  
"You're amazing, you know that?"  
"And you're beautiful." He told her, picking up her soft fingers gently and pressing his lips delicately to the back of her hand. She smiled, then they intertwined fingers in the middle of the table.

"Thank you for tonight,"  
"There's no need to thank me, and hey, we're not finished already are we? Would you like to share a dessert?"


	14. Chapter 14

Josh went to the Joseph household so often that he felt more comfortable there than he did at home, and formalities such as knocking on the front door in the morning were practically obsolete. He pushed the unlocked door open casually and dumped his bag under the coat pegs on the wall, then strolled towards the kitchen, already smelling bacon.

"Morning,"  
"Morning Josh." Chris smiled from the stove, pan handle in one hand and spatula in the other whilst he fried eggs. Josh stepped into the kitchen and looked over to the table, and was surprised to see Jenna sat beside Tyler. Ty had said the date had gone well, Josh hadn't realised he meant _that_ well.

"Hey darling," Kelly looked up whilst spreading butter on a slice of toast for Jay.   
"Hiya Joshie!" The 10 year old waved excitedly.   
"Hi," he grinned back, finding the whole situation amusing.   
"Sit with me! Sit with me!"   
"Haha alright, thank you very much." Josh sat in Jay's seat then helped the child clamber back up onto his lap so he could carry on demolishing his breakfast.

"I may have taken your seat, oops," Jenna apologised with a cute smile.   
"Oh that's alright, means I get to chill with my best bud." Josh whispered in Jay's ear and made him giggle.   
"Hey! I heard that!" Tyler protested and he giggled more.   
"He's just jealous Jay."  
"Nah, he just upgraded you for a girl." Zack smirked from the end of the table.   
"Ty's got a girlfriend," Maddy giggled embarrassed and hid her face in Josh's shoulder. Part of him wanted to correct her that's they'd only been on one date, but from the way the couple looked at each other, he knew it wouldn't be long before they decided to upgrade their titles.

"Have you got a girlfriend Joshie?" Jay asked with a mouthful of toast, spluttering crumbs everywhere.   
"Jay, swallow before you speak." His father warned whilst bringing the eggs over and sitting down.   
"Cos Zacky got a girlfriend too."  
"Yeah that's right, but no not me, I've got a boyfriend."  
"Boyfriend!" He squealed.   
"Well kind of, not really boyfriend,"   
"What do you mean?" Maddy looked confused.   
"Yeah Josh, what do you mean?" Tyler said too with a mischievous smile, challenging Josh to explain the bootycall-esque set up his relationship had started as to the table of family members.

"Well he's a boy that I like like and he like likes me, but we haven't had a talk about whether we want to call each other boyfriend yet."  
"Have you been on a date?" Maddy asked.   
"Yep."  
"Have you kissed?"  
"Yep."  
"But he's a boy!!" Jay complained.   
"That's okay littleman, I can kiss boys and girls if I want, and you can too if that's what you want when you're a bit older."  
"Jay, do you remember when we were driving in the car a while ago and we saw all those people in the street with their rainbow flags?" Tyler reminded him. "Do you remember what I told you it was?"  
"Party."  
"Yeah, it was a pride parade, a party for girls who like kissing girls and boys who like kissing boys and people who like doing both and people who like doing neither and lots and lots of other people who don't just want to do girl-boy relationships."

"You know Ty and Josh's friends Patrick and Pete?" Kelly said a moment later. "They were here the other week. They're gay, they're boyfriends together."  
"Are you gay?"  
"Me? No I'm bisexual. Means I like like girls and boys. But you know what Jay? I doesn't really matter about the names, what's important is that you can love anybody you want as long as they make you happy."  
"Amen to that." Zack raised his glass and so did Jenna and Chris.

"But I think the real question is, why are we grilling Josh on his relationship when Jenna and Tyler are both sat right here?" The brother continued and Tyler picked up the plum stone on his plate and lobbed it at him, hitting him in the face. He gasped then picked up his tomato and threw it back, and it exploded on Tyler's white shirt then dropped down onto his grey sweats.   
"You're so dead."  
"Alright alright that's enough you two, Tyler, go and change, Zack, apologise and go and help him." Their mother stood in.   
"He started it! He threw the first stone! Literally!"  
"And you provoked him you smart ass, now go and change or you're gonna be late for school." She insisted and they both left the room in search of new clothes for Tyler.

"Sorry about them Jenna,"  
"Oh that's okay, I've got 2 big brothers myself, I know what it's like." She smiled whilst sipping her orange juice.   
"Please tell me they grow out of it?"  
"Haha I wish. One of my brothers is married and the other is engaged and they still find it funny to pull down each other's pants."   
"That's not funny, is it Jay? You better not start doing that." Kelly laughed whilst stroking her youngest's hair.

"Now Josh, what are you going to have to eat?"  
"Can I have some bacon please?"  
"Bacon? How did I guess. And eggs?"  
"Perfect, thank you Mommy Joseph." He took the plate off her once she finished piling the food high.

"Oh and Josh, we said that you could run Jenna into school today, seems silly her driving when she's just down the road and there's a spare seat in the van."  
"Spare seat next to Tyler." Maddy whispered to herself quietly and nobody except Josh heard, or at least they all pretended not to.   
"Yeah course, that's absolutely fine. Although I'm taking Ty to physio this afternoon and we don't have time to drive all the way back so I usually drop Zack off up by gas station, I can drop you there too, it's like a 7-8 minute walk to your place."  
"Zack'll show you the way." Chris said.   
"That's very kind, thank you, but I have plans after school so that's okay."  
"Quite the socialite aren't you?" Kelly smiled whilst Josh gulped down his food.   
"I'm just taking every opportunity sent my way I guess, can never make too many friends during your first few days in a new town."  
"Good for you."

"Who you going out with?" Josh asked.   
"Sarah and Brendon, we're going to the mall together."  
"Careful with that Brendon, he's a cheeky kid." Chris warned her.   
"He means no harm, plus Sarah keeps him in check, he's head over heels for her," Josh said as he ate his last forkful of egg.   
"He's funny." Jay spoke up. "I like him."  
"Me too bud, me too."

"Mom, you want me to soak these?" Zack walked back in carrying Tyler's tomato stained outfit.   
"Oh just pop them in the utility room, I'll wash them with the delicates later, thanks sweetheart."   
"K, no worries." He dashed quickly to the backroom then returned a second later empty handed.

"Where's Ty? You guys should be heading off pretty soon."  
"Messing about with his hair."  
"I'll go check on him." Josh lifted Jay off his lap. "Be right back, and thanks for breakfast."  
"Always a pleasure darling." Kelly smiled and so did he, then went back down the corridor and round the corner to Tyler's room.

"Oh look, if it isn't the King of Romance himself." Josh teased as he let himself in and saw Tyler over by his mirror, running a little gel through his fluff of hair. "Dates a girl then 10 hours later she's having breakfast with his parents."  
"That's just how I roll brother." He smirked, pushing himself back and forth a little for the sake of a pun then laughing. "I just offered her a ride to school, thought it would be polite."  
"Oh yeah, I'm sure that was the only thing going through your mind."   
"You know me." Tyler winked. "All about reducing carbon emissions and saving the planet."

"I give you two my blessing, as long as you don't forget I exist." Josh said, standing behind his best friend and reaching down and squeezing him tight, ignoring the wheelchair handles digging into his hips, but let go when he could tell something wasn't quite right. "Ty?"  
"Sorry, sorry, just my neck,"  
"You're in pain?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Have maxed your pain meds?"  
"Yeh," Tyler sighed whilst rubbing it slowly and deeply.   
"I'm sorry bud, I'm sorry. But physio tonight, yeah? We can get Connor to see if he can work on it for you."

"Hi, sorry, sorry to interrupt, your mom sent me Tyler," Jenna entered the room and they both turned to face her, Josh noticing how Tyler used his wheels not his neck. "She said that, quote, you boys need to stop gossiping and start moving."  
"Hahaha okay okay, we're coming."   
"Woah, did you do these?" Jenna suddenly asked, spotting Tyler's drawings scattered on his desk.   
"Uh, yeah," he replied shyly, going over to her.   
"These are amazing Tyler!"  
"Oh, thanks, I mean they're nothing special or anything,"  
"This one, this, this is me, isn't it? My eye? Wow, thank you Tyler, this is beautiful, I'm honoured."

 

 

  
"Now how about rolled ice cream? Have you ever had that before?" Jenna asked as her and Sarah ate their frozen yoghurt outside the stall in the mall, waiting for Brendon to buy a Cinnabon on the second floor.   
"Rolled ice cream? What on God's good earth is that?"  
"You haven't lived you poor girl! There used to be a little shop on the same block as my apartment in NYC, open 24 hours a day 7 days a week, used to be my go-to midnight snack. I think it's Thai or something, they pour the liquid ice cream mix straight onto this cold metal plate thing then they use a scraper to roll it into tight spirals. A-maz-ing."   
"Sounds it." Sarah groaned.   
"They do a million flavours, including donut flavour which literally had chunks of donuts in,"  
"Take me to New York right now."

"Fear not, fear not, your saviour hath returned."  
"Oh thank heavens, I couldn't have survived another moment without you." Sarah teased sarcastically as Brendon rejoined them, then kissed her quickly on the lips.   
"I'm here now baby, panic over"  
"You're gonna make Jenna embarrassed," she complained as Brendon swooped her up with his spare hand.   
"Jenna's not embarrassed, I think you're embarrassed, I think you are afraid of PDA missy."  
"We're in public!"  
"You're busted." Brendon gleamed proudly then kissed her excessively lustfully and Jenna couldn't help but choke on her yoghurt a little as she looked away.

"Ah Jenna, give it a week and that will be you and Ty." He winked once they separated, Sarah's red lipstick on his mouth and then the back of his hand.   
"Oh yeah, how did your date with him go? It was last night right?" She asked, going back to eating her froyo but with Brendon's arm around her waist now.   
"Yep, last night, and it was truly amazing,"  
"Naw she's all loved up already." Brendon cooed.   
"Guilty." Jenna laughed. "But honestly, we just had the best time together. We met up, had dinner, got to know each other a bit better, talked about life and yeah, I really enjoyed myself."

"Ty's always been good at that sort of stuff, not dating or anything, in fact you might even be his first date, but he always has been really good with words. He manages to find the most beautiful ways to phrase things." Brendon sobered in tone a bit.   
"Yeah I agree. Back when he could come to class, everyone else used to groan when we did the poetry modules in English but I always sort of looked forward to it because I knew that it meant Tyler would be showing his writing again and Miss Lainey always used to randomly pick him to stand at the front and present." Sarah recalled fondly. "He's written some really powerful things over the years."  
"That's one good thing about him being in special ed, gives the rest of us a chance to actually come top of the class in English for a change."

"Has he, how do I word this," Jenna asked herself. "Has he always been this at peace with his accident?"  
"No no no, not by a long way." Brendon shook his head. "He's done amazing to get to where he is because he fell in a deep pit straight afterwards, took him a long time to be okay again. It was not pretty."  
"But Josh helped him with it a lot, they've always been a team but they had to work extra hard to get through this. Took a lot out of both of them but I'm glad to see they're coming out the other side. They've done so well."  
"If you wanna know how Ty is doing, look at Josh. If Josh is slouching, looking at his feet, yawning, crossing his arms, withdrawn, whatever other bad body language you can think of, you can be pretty damn certain that Tyler's struggling with pain or with nightmares or mood. Tyler doesn't like to be that easy to read, he puts up walls sometimes, fronts, but Josh wears both his own and Tyler's heart on his sleeve." He said and Jenna thought about it, telling herself to remember that for the future.

"In a way that's comforting though, because Josh has been a lot happier, chirpier, recently, so Tyler must be doing well." Sarah added a minute later.   
"Or maybe Josh is finally getting some off that coffee twink of his." Her boyfriend laughed and so did Jenna. "Right, where's next on the list? Jenna, do we need to go and buy you a little black number for your next date with lover boy? Or maybe a visit to Victoria's Secret for lingerie is more suitable?"

 

 

  
"Right okay, and whereabouts is the pain?"  
"It's uh, it's like down the back and then round here too." Tyler pointed roughly to his neck whilst Connor held him by the waist to keep him supported sitting up on the physio bed.   
"Is it stiff? Or sharp? Stabbing?"  
"It's sore and tender all round the back, then sharp on the left side."  
"Okay," Connor processed. "Can I have a quick feel?"  
"Yeh," Tyler gave permission, then looked over at Josh sat in the observation seat against the wall and found reassurance in his friend's small smile. He did his best not to wince when Connor pressed the pad of his finger into a particularly painful spot, but of course the physiotherapist noticed.

"Just look to your right slowly and steadily, keep your chin level, good. And your left." Connor instructed, and Tyler did his best but felt shooting pains as soon he tried. "Did that twinge a bit?"  
"Yeah,"  
"I could tell. Just try looking down for me." He said and Tyler really did try but it really did hurt. "Don't roll it round, go straight, like you're nodding."  
"I, I don't think I can,"  
"The pain's that bad?"  
"Yeah."   
"Right, well, something like a collar's not going to do you any good because you need to try to keep mobile, but if you'd like then I can try taping it up for you a bit later."  
"Great, thank you Connor."

"But Ty, I'm gonna be honest with you here, every single session you're coming in with pains and complaints and I think it's getting to a point where we really need to reassess the situation."   
"What does that mean?" Josh asked, hand on his chin.   
"You've maxed your painkillers, your body literally cannot take anymore and yet you're still in pain, so maybe it's time to look at bigger changes. I'm thinking maybe a headrest would-"  
"No." Tyler said without hesitating.   
"Not only would it improve your declining posture but it's going to improve your comfort levels Tyler."  
"I don't want one."  
"And a bigger change even than that would be looking into electric-"  
"No."  
"Tyler let me finish." Connor insisted. "Powered wheelchairs are definitely something you should at least discuss with your team and do some research on, because there's no point having a manual chair but being in too much pain to use it."  
"I can use it."  
"But for how much longer?"

"You think it's gonna get worse? The pain?" Josh asked the question that Tyler feared the most.   
"Definitely there's an increased chance of injury as your muscles get more and more overworked and fatigued, and hand in hand with that comes pain. Saving your arms for doing things like using cutlery and writing and lifting things and everything else you might want to do is a good idea Tyler. You don't want to burn them out using a manual chair now but then further down the line be in such pain with your shoulders or arms that you can't move them. It's about pacing yourself and I think a motored chair is definitely a good opportunity for your body to rest and recover throughout each day before starting another activity, hopefully pain free."  
"Connor, with all due respect, that's not happening so can you just drop it please?"  
"Not even pain impacts his stubbornness." Josh shook his head in slight disbelief but also amusement, although Tyler wasn't finding it funny.

"I'll send a quick email to Mom once we're finished,"  
"Please don't."  
"You can discuss it with her, all I'm doing is raising the talking point."  
"And Ty, you know at the end of the day your mom isn't going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with." Josh said, and he had to admit that that was true.

"Right, should we have a quick leg check and then go onto the push-up competition?"  
"Okay." Tyler nodded, grateful to be moving on.   
"You had any crashes recently? Been using your shins as bumpers?" Connor asked whilst helping him to turn and lie down on the bed.   
"Not that I've noticed."  
"Tyler you bashed straight into that fire extinguisher after lunch today." Josh spoke up but he couldn't recall the incident.   
"When?"  
"End of lunch, we were going back to special ed together, you turned the corner where my locker is too late and went straight into the fire extinguisher."   
"Oh,"  
"You don't remember?" Connor questioned, rolling up Tyler's pants to his knees. "Ooh, you've got a pretty nasty bruise Ty."  
"I have?" Tyler propped himself up as much as he could and managed to steal a look at the purple mark below his knee, but still couldn't remember it.

"You've got no recollection of doing this?"  
"None." He gulped.   
"Okay, don't panic T-"  
"Why don't I remember?"   
"These things happen, you can't feel it so you might not have even noticed you'd made contact, don't panic. If there is a memory issue behind this then panicking isn't going to make it any better I assure you. Just stay calm and don't overthink it."  
"Ty, your mind was probably on Jenna, got more important things to be thinking about." Josh joined in on the effort but Tyler couldn't stop trying to fill the blank that he'd suddenly noticed in his mind.

"Tyler, don't panic."  
"Should we have our push-up contest? Take your mind off it?" His friend suggested.   
"Yeah we can do that. Your legs are looking fine except that bruise, so ice that when you get home." Connor said but he was too preoccupied with the sudden awareness off something not quite being right. "Do you want to do your push-ups?"   
"Or are you scared to lose?" Josh teased in an effort to rouse him, but failed. "Ty, are you working yourself up by any chance? Getting yourself in a tiz? Because it's not worth it over a fire extinguisher."  
"What if there's something really wrong with me though?" Tyler finally voiced his concerns.   
"Or what if you didn't feel it because you have no feeling in your legs."

"Did you say something to me when I did it? Because I can't remember it."  
"Think I just asked if you were okay, but it was a busy hall so you might now have heard me."  
"And you zone out sometimes don't you? Just lapse in concentration for a few moments?" Connor reminded him. "It could have just been that."  
"But I don't remember zoning out!"  
"Alright Tyler there's no need to get upset. If you're worried, speak to your mom when you get back from here and see whether she can remember something a doctor might have said in the past which relates to this, and if you're really worried then she can always take you to see someone. But right now, as a trained medical professional, I'm telling you that you're not in any immediate danger and the best thing you can do for yourself right now is your exercises in order to keep your body as fit and healthy as possible. And, as tradition dictates, those exercises start with a push up competition between you and Josh. So am I getting you a mat and a bolster or are you conceding?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time flies fast! So sorry I haven't updated this in forever...


	15. Chapter 15

"You're on a go slow this morning Mr Joseph." Mom said as she walked back into his room and saw that he still hadn't moved or done anything he needed to before he could go to breakfast. "Have you even packed your bag yet?"  
"No,"  
"Come on sleepy head, kick it up a gear."  
"I'm, I'm, I'm," he struggled to find the word, rubbing his forehead.   
"You're what angel?"   
"Just, eugh, just not feeling so hot."  
"Still feeling achy?"  
"Yeah, neck's still killing and it's across my shoulders now too."  
"Want to take the day off? Get back in bed with some heat packs?"   
"No no, s'not that bad."

"Anything else darling? You're usually pretty good at coping with aches but you're not acting like you right now."  
"Kinda light headed."   
"Dizzy?"  
"Just when I move my head."  
"So yes." She sighed. "Right, let me check your blood pressure quickly."  
"Mom I'm fine,"  
"Tyler you're telling porky pies."   
"Stop fussing,"  
"Stop trying to hide the fact that you're not well." Mom countered whilst pulling the device out of the cupboard and walking back over to his wheelchair and gesturing for him to present his arm. Begrudgingly he did, but not without sighing. 

"Tissue?"  
"Please." He nodded after she caught him sniffling, and she passed him one then went back to rolling his sleeve up and fastening the cuff around his bicep.   
"I bet you've caught a cold, I told you that going out in the hammock was a bad idea."  
"Mom, so what if I have caught a cold? Which I haven't by the way. But what would it matter if I did? It's just a cold! You wouldn't be fussing over Zack like this if he needed to blow his nose and maybe take a swig of cold medicine."  
"I don't fuss, I try to look after you."  
"I hate it when you act like I'm made of glass!" He exclaimed exasperated then looked away angrily. 

"145 over 93, high." She called out the reading a moment later.   
"Mom are you not gonna acknowledge what I said?"  
"Tyler, whether you like it or not, you've got an SCI and that means you've got induced immune deficiency. You get sick more Tyler. You can get more severely sick than Zack much more easily. I fuss when you get a cold because you know that it can turn to pneumonia overnight and I don't wanna be back in that hospital with you, stewing over all the things I could have done to prevent it."  
"I'm not gonna get pneumonia."  
"That's what you said last time." Mom tutted as she handed him a bottle of water and a blood pressure pill. He took it, but not before rolling his eyes. 

"Don't get in a grump with me mister."  
"I'm not in a grump!"  
"Good. Because I'm just doing my best to keep you healthy, help you,"  
"I don't need your help Mom!"   
"Alright fine, you don't need me, I'll go help my other 3 kids then instead. You still need to pack your bag, brush your teeth, make your bed, grab your homework from the printer, put socks and shoes on-"  
"If you're trying to make me feel pathetic then it's working." Tyler interrupted sadly, knowing he wouldn't be able to do most of that himself. 

"Sweetheart I'm not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, what I am trying to do is show you that there's a difference between me babying you and me looking after you."  
"I just, I, I don't want to have to be looked after."  
"I look after you because you're my son, not because you're injured, okay?" She sat on the desk chair, moving it towards his wheelchair so they could be closer. "And things are tough at the moment, high blood pressure, all your neck and shoulder pain, even this congested nose, it's all taking a toll and I understand why you're feeling emotional. Hearing what Connor said to you yesterday about getting a new chair was difficult, I know that, but you don't need to start getting scared and panicking, because nothing good ever comes out of worrying."

"Mom I really really don't want a change."  
"I know darling, but I really really don't want you to be in pain or do yourself any lasting damage." Mom said softly as tears started clouding his vision. "But listen, okay? You know what the hospital are like when it comes to making decisions, about as efficient as Zack with homework. This idea is going to be bounced from department to department and then an eventual appointment will be weeks and weeks away, so you don't need to be stressing that your Susan is going to be snatched away any day soon."  
"But she might be!"  
"Tyler, Tyler calm down-"  
"Morning!" Josh called from the front door, arriving for breakfast already despite the fact that Tyler was barely dressed, let alone ready. 

"Don't worry about him, okay? Zack and Dad are in the kitchen to keep him occupied, we don't need to rush. If you want to talk about this then we can right now, and if you're still not feeling well enough then you can take the day off and it's up to you whether you wanna get back in bed or not."  
"I just," he sniffed. "I, I want a day off,"  
"Okay, you can stay home with me."  
"No, not a day off from school, from life."  
"What do you mean darling?"  
"Every day there's something new, memory issues, pain issues, immune system issues, even effing leaky catheter issues. I'm tired and I want a break and I never seem to get one."  
"It's relentless hey," she sighed, reaching across and squeezing his thigh. Even though he couldn't feel it, he appreciated the gesture and found reassurance in it, but still a few hot tears escaped down his cheeks. 

"Hey, your dad said you're not ready yet, anything I can help with?" Josh appeared in the doorway with a smile, and Tyler rushed to mop up his face.   
"Morning sweetheart." Mom turned to look at him.   
"Morning. Ty, you okay?"  
"Yeh," he wanted to nod but his neck shot pain immediately and he had to stop with a wince and more tears.   
"His blood pressure's high and he's a tad overwhelmed, but you're okay Ty, aren't you babe?"  
"Yeh," he lied again.   
"Do you want me to go so you guys can talk? I'll be right next door if you need me?"  
"Thanks Mommy Joseph." Josh smiled, and she squeezed Tyler's leg again then stood up and left the room. He waited until the door closed behind her, then took Tyler's pillow off his bed and dropped it down on the floor opposite his wheelchair, sitting down so that Ty didn't have to look up with his painful neck. 

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked.   
"Blood pressure stuff." Tyler sniffed, wiping his tears again.   
"Chest pain?"  
"Not exactly."  
"Ohh I know what you mean, your lovesick heart is breaking after being apart from Jenna for sooo long." Josh teased and Tyler let out a small tearful laugh. "She coming for breakfast again?"  
"Not today." He used the palm of his hand to brush away the tears because the back was too wet. "Stayed at Sarah's last night,"  
"So you spoke last night then? After I left?"  
"Yeah, she called me."  
"Hooked." Josh winked. 

"The stuff that Connor said yesterday, don't let it get to you, don't even think about it, you've got far more important things to be stressing about."  
"Like what?" Tyler asked timidly.   
"Like what you're going to be doing for your 18th, like where you're taking Jenna on your next date, like when you're gonna ask her to be your girlfriend and when you're gonna give her a sneaky kiss."  
"Damn, you're right, my priorities are whack." He sighed with a small smile, feeling a little better already. 

"Ultimately it's about what's important to you Ty, and at the end of the day you get to manipulate that. If you put all this emphasis and energy and significance on what kind of chair you're in then I'm not going to lie to you, there is a chance that you're not going to get the outcome you want and because you've made it so crucial to you, you're gonna spiral. However if you decide that other things are more important to you, if you decide that your family, your friends, maybe even Jenna, matter more than how your wheels are powered then you can be pretty damn sure that this is going to all work out okay, because we are going to be here, supportive and loving, no matter what." 

 

 

"Where are Pete and TyJo?" Spencer asked and, once he finished yawning, Josh took out his phone and checked the time to see that Tyler was admittedly pretty late to the lunch table. Everyone except Tyler and Pete had turned up, even Sarah joining them for a change, but Josh wasn't particularly surprised that Tyler was taking his time. Despite perking up a little at breakfast, Josh knew full well that his friend was struggling more than he let on. 

"Pete had to go speak to Mr Benz about the music homework." Patrick answered. "Should be here soon."  
"And Ty's not feeling too great, least he wasn't this morning, might have decided he didn't feel up to joining us."  
"What's wrong?" Jenna asked, concern decorating her perfectly proportioned face.   
"High blood pressure, makes him all dizzy, I reckon that's why he bumped into that fire extinguisher yesterday."   
"Oh yeah, that looked like it hurt." Brendon winced at the thought, but Patrick corrected him with a harsh flick to his temple.   
"He's got no feeling down there dumby."  
"Do you think he's okay though?" Jenna ignored the pair who started flicking each other over and over.   
"I might go check on him actually, make sure he's not gone dizzy and got himself trapped in the hall." 

"Hey," Pete arrived just as Josh stood up. "There's an ambulance parked out the front of school, anyone know what happened?"  
"You don't think...?" Jenna looked at Josh, but he just shook his head no, more for her reassurance than his confidence.   
"I heard Brad got completely pounded in football earlier." Brendon told them.   
"But he was just in math with me." Sarah said. "Maybe someone got hurt in cheer, they just had a practice."  
"Cheer? Oh yeah, because that's suuuch a dangerous sport."  
"It is actually!" She countered her boyfriend. "Alice dislocated her shoulder last week, wouldn't surprise me if someone else got hurt today."  
"Yeah yeah, play one football game then we'll talk."  
"I'll play football if you attend cheer."

"Well whilst you guys figure it out, I'm gonna go Tyler tracking. See you in a bit." Josh interrupted their playful bickering with a quick wave then left the canteen and hooked a right towards the route Tyler had to take to avoid all steps. 

Everyone else was heading in the opposite direction to him, all eager for food, and it made for a rough barge here and there which only made Josh more concerned about Tyler. He seemed to be in a lot of pain, and if a flying elbow had accidentally banged into his painful neck through jostling then there was a chance his friend was in agony somewhere. Josh walked a bit faster. 

"Jacob!" He saw the only other kid who used a wheelchair, and a special ed classmate of Tyler's, further down the hall and raced to catch up with him.   
"Hey Josh," the younger boy stopped moving and so did his friends.   
"Hi, have you seen Ty? He's not come for lunch."  
"Oh, yeah, he was feeling really crappy earlier, Mrs C sent him to the school nurse. It was the middle of last period and he never came back, so I dunno, might've gone home."  
"Worth checking the nurse's office you think?"   
"Yeah probably."  
"Great, thanks Jacob."  
"No worries." He smiled then continued his way down the hall with his able-bodied buds. Josh took a moment to work out the quickest way to his new destination, then jogged off down a different corridor and prayed that there would be no teacher to yell at him for it. 

Even before Tyler's crash, they were both familiar with the inside of the white walled cubicle. Tyler had been clumsy, always being that one kid in science class who managed to smash a glass beaker or pour acid on himself. And Josh, in his younger years, was always in such a rush to be everywhere that he ran and then usually either tripped and banged himself or rolled an ankle. Either way, they were both regulars to see Jacy. 

Josh reached the door and knocked on it with his knuckle, standing back and waiting for it to be opened.   
"Occupied!" Tyler called back from the other side.   
"Hey Ty, it's me,"  
"Who?" He said, and Josh knew he must be struggling with confusion or something similar, because ordinarily he would have recognised him by his knock, let alone in his voice.   
"It's Josh, can I come in?"  
"Oh, okay, yeah,"  
"So this is where you've been hiding hey?" Josh smiled as he entered and saw Tyler alone in the room, laying down on the nurse's bed with a sick bowl and a hot water bottle behind his neck on the pillow. 

"What's wrong? Your blood pressure still?"   
"How, h-how did you know that?"  
"Well your mom said so this morning." Josh reminded him softly whilst pulling a chair so he could sit by his bedside.   
"Did she?"  
"You're really not feeling so good, are you?"   
"No," he groaned quietly, raising hand to his face to shelter his eyes from the light. 

"Where's Jacy?"  
"Some freshman fell down the stairs, school called 911 but she's gone to wait with them till the ambulance arrives."  
"It's here now, Pete saw it parked out front, so she'll be back soon. Did she say what she wanted to do with you? Send you home?"  
"Not sure."  
"You wanna go home? It's lunch, I can drive you and still get back for geometry on time."  
"Notssure." He slurred a little. 

"What are your symptoms Ty? Because you really don't sound well."   
"I?"  
"Tyler?" Josh reached across and touched his forearm with a look of concern on his face. "Tyler, can you understand what I'm saying?"  
"Ye, I'm fine." Tyler murmured unconvincingly.   
"Ty-"  
"I'm fine Zack!"  
"It's Josh, and you just made my point perfectly, so thank you. I'm gonna call your mom, alright?" Josh sighed then pulled his phone out and quickly scrolled to Kelly's contact. 

"Hello?"  
"Hi, Kelly, it's Josh here. I'm with Ty and he's not feeling very well."   
"Oh right, okay, does he need me to come and collect him?"  
"I'm fine!" Tyler complained again.   
"He says he's fine."  
"He always says that, put him on for me?"  
"Okay. Ty, she wants to speak to you," Josh passed the phone across and Tyler swung it to his ear in an uncoordinated manner, much to Josh's dismay. He didn't know what was going on but he didn't feel good about it. 

"Mom!" Tyler complained, "I'm- no! I, Mom let me talk, I am fine, I just want to be left alone. Yes. Ye- I know! I just, eugh, I don't care what Doc thinks, I know my own body! I- yeh- I-, well why don't you trust me? I know! I'm fine Mom! Please don't, please, please don't Mom. Fine. Fine. Bye."  
"And?" Josh asked as Tyler hung up and gave him his phone back.   
"She's on her way."  
"Good." He relaxed ever so slightly. 

"Sorry about that Tyler, oh hello Josh." Jacy walked back in with a smile and a first aid kid in her hand. "She's all sorted so now my attention can be back on you mister. How are you feeling now?"  
"I'm fine."  
"His mom's coming, we called her." Josh kept her informed.   
"Ah right, okay, good. I was probably going to suggest we try ringing her next, so good forward thinking."

"Have you got any theories of what might be going on? Just all caused by blood pressure?" He asked, scratching his chin.   
"I mean it's definitely a possibility, I wouldn't expect all these symptoms from only relatively high, but I think we need to take into account that it's winter and it's been a long semester and there's a lot of germs flying around, and nobody's immune system is bored right now. I'm guessing that you're fatigued from fighting off colds and flu and that's adding to it."  
"I'm fine." Tyler insisted but nobody believed him. 

 

 

Jenna felt foolish as she stood on Tyler’s doorstep – doorslope – and rocked on her feet whilst holding the chocolate tart she had baked awkwardly in her hands. Finally the door opened and he was met by Zack, whose smile grew considerably when he caught sight of the chocolate.

“Hello,”  
“Zack, hey, could I maybe come in?”  
“Of course of course,” He laughed and stepped back so she could follow him down the hall and towards the kitchen. She slid the tart onto the work top then shook her hands, cold from being exposed throughout the walk down the street, then noticed Chris sat at the table with Jay, and he appeared to be helping his youngest son with homework.

“Oh hello Jenna,”  
“Hi Mr Joseph,”  
“Hiii!”  
“Hey Master Joseph,” she smiled at Jay’s ecstatic waves. “Sorry to barge in the middle of homework time-“  
“You have chocolate. You’re always welcome when you have chocolate.” Zack didn’t seem to be joking and she laughed whilst tucking her hair behind her ears.  
“Well I know Ty wasn’t feeling very well today, and you know, I felt like baking and chocolate helps everything.” She shrugged and Zack nodded enthusiastically.

“You heard her Zack, the tart’s for Ty not you, so enough of those heart eyes.” Chris warned him and he sulked playfully. “And that’s very thoughtful of you Jenna, thank you.”  
“It’s nothing,”  
“But Dad, Tyler’s meant to be watching his blood sugar, pleeeaassseee?”  
“He’s having a bad couple of days, he needs his comfort food. If you want food so bad then make your own.”  
“Jeeennnnaaaa,” He turned on the balls of his feet to face her, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “You know how one day I’m going to be your brother-in-law-“  
“Zachary.” His dad warned but Jenna was amused rather than taken aback.  
“So, you know, since we’re practically family…”  
“If Tyler somehow manages to finish that whole thing by himself, get him to text me and I’ll make you your own.”  
“And me!” Jay’s small voice squeaked.  
“And you, and Maddy, and you too Mr Joseph if you’d like?” She laughed and so did he.

“I’m sure you didn’t come here to take bakery orders; I’m guessing you’d like to see Ty?”  
“Please?”  
“He’s in his room, I trust you remember the way?”  
“Yes thank you Mr Joseph,” She nodded and he smiled, then she left the room but not before catching Zack wiping up a smear of chocolate on the plate and eating it with a guilty smirk.

She went back down the first hall then around to Tyler’s door, knocking then sliding it into the wall where it stowed away. Immediately she saw him fast asleep in his bed, hot water bottled dotted on and around him, wrapped up under a thick duvet on his side and incredibly peaceful. For some reason she didn’t feel the need to rush back out again, and took a step over towards the pin-board of sketches above his desk. He’d done even more of her since she’d last visited.

There were occasional drawings of Tyler’s own creation, a buffalo skull, a gothic crow, a detailed sand timer, but the bright yellow of Jenna’s hair that he included in each drawing of her meant they stood out from the black and white. Some were quick, messy, rough yet beautiful. Another must have taken Tyler hours, incredibly detailed and blended and shockingly realistic, and Jenna couldn’t help but smile when she saw he had drawn her in the dress she’d worn on her date.

The calmness that had fallen over her as she admired the artwork was suddenly ripped away when she noticed a foot poking round the side of Tyler’s bed, and she walked round to find Josh laying on his stomach on the floor with headphones on and a ballpoint pen hovering over a half-written page.

“Jesus you scared me you putz!” She gasped quietly so not to wake Tyler, and raised one hand to her chest protectively whilst kicking him softly in the calf, apparently informing him she was there because he jumped just the same as she had.

“Oh, hey Jenna,” Josh pulled the headphones down to his neck and sat up with a timid smile. “Sorry, just getting some English done, is Ty up?”   
“Nope,” She sat down next to him on the floor. “He’s out for the count by the looks of it.”  
“Good, he was exhausted.”

“Is he okay Josh?” Jenna asked more seriously, and he took a moment to contemplate his response.  
“You can never tell with Tyler.”  
“Mmm,”  
“He’s good at hiding stuff, he’s good at glossing over the crap, he’s good at appearing fine when he’s not,”  
“Yeh,”  
“But at the same time, I know all of that, so sometimes I overthink things and think he’s hiding more than he is.”  
“Right,” she was genuinely interested.

“Complex is a word I would pin on him.”  
“I get that.” She nodded, looking up where he was asleep.  
“Is his health worrying me at the moment? Yes. But only because I don’t ever want him in pain or dizzy or confused, or just unable to be himself because I know how much it upsets him.”  
“Yeh,”  
“I’m not super worried about his mindset right now if I’m honest. He is conflicted but he’s open about it with me, and that’s a substantial improvement.” He ran his hand through his hair. “For a while, before and after the crash, he just clammed up whenever you even hinted at talking about his thoughts. That’s when things got, they got, well, they got sinister.”  
“He told me about his depression.”  
“Yeh,” Josh sighed, Jenna not saying anything as he seemed haunted by some not-so-distant memory.

“He’s doing a lot better than he was, and would I like him to be doing even better than he is now? Of course I would, he’s my best friend, I want for him to be as happy and as healthy and humanly possible, but in some situations that’s just not realistic.”  
“So all things considered, you think he’s doing okay?”  
“I think so.” Josh shrugged and looked to the bed again. “I hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has been a while, for those who don't know, I started at a new boarding school at the beginning of September, I love it but it doesn't leave me many chances to write <3 however that doesn't mean I've forgotten about my fics...  
> speaking of which, in 10 days I get a 2 week holiday and the plan is INTENSE writing, so I need a priority list and you can choose and I'll go with most popular first (but the others will be done):  
> This  
> DID sequel  
> More Unseen oneshots  
> Eating disorder series  
> or...  
> Cancer fic?


	16. Chapter 16

"I don't even know why I bothered with my hair this morning,"  
"Me neither," Josh gasped as he pressed his lips back against Dale's, hand still running through the once gelled strands as he pushed against the older boy's tongue then retracted it back into his own mouth and switched sides naturally and smoothly. He readjusted his left foot's position without breaking the connection, and Dale pulled him even closer with a guiding and caressing hand.

"Josh," their lips only parted for a moment, then, after a few more seconds, Josh pulled back.   
"Yeah?"   
"I'm so glad you're here." Dale stared at Josh's mouth lustfully, then just like that they were kissing again.

Dale made it sound as though Josh was doing him a favour, as though Josh hadn't been checking his phone every 10 seconds for the last week, just waiting for that text. And even though Josh usually reserved Saturday mornings for Tyler's basketball, the hook up had taken priority and he was on Dale's doorstep before 9am.

In his defence, it wasn't as if he had just ditched Tyler, his best friend was still feeling kinda shitty and his mom had ruled with an iron fist that no sport would be happening in the near future. And perhaps he should've stayed with Ty, tried to help him feel a bit better, but honestly he needed the stress relief that came with being with Dale.

Tyler wasn't stress provoking, Josh just couldn't help but worry.

"J," Dale panted, withdrawing a little but hovering their heads just fractions from one another. "I'm so happy you're here."  
"You said that already," he grinned against his boy's lips. "Idiot." He whispered then kissed him again.

"I missed you recently, missed seeing you at the coffeehouse,"  
"Me too,"  
"Not avoiding me are you?" Dale stepped back a little to the make out session was properly paused, but brought his hand up to stroke Josh's jaw gently.   
"Avoiding you? Please, can't keep away."  
"You and Wheels haven't paid me a visit in days." He sulked and Josh thought he looked adorable.   
"Wheels is sick, but we'll be back soon. Can't get rid of me that easily."

"Wait, what's wrong with Ty? Is, is he okay?" Dale seemed genuinely concerned, dropping the flirtatious tone and lowering his brow a little.   
"I'm not quite sure what's wrong, nobody is, but he'll be okay."  
"Is he in hospital?"  
"No no, just got a nurse who goes round for home visits."  
"Is he took sick to manage the journey?"  
"Dale, babe, I think you're imagining things as far worse than reality."  
"I'm just worried. Why didn't you tell me that something's wrong?"  
"I dunno." Josh shrugged. "Just, never came up in conversation I suppose?"  
"Babe, you know you can talk to me about these things, right?"  
"I know."  
"Good," Dale sighed sympathetically, then pulled Josh close for a tight hug.

He knew the embrace was to convey emotional support, and Josh certainly felt very passionate about it, but instead found himself soaking in Dale's scent, opposed to thinking of Tyler. It was something about the fact he was disabled, everyone was always very quick to presume that any hint of illness was life threatening, but Josh had grown used to it. Tyler's immense system was shocking, something or other was always playing up, and he had to learn that he couldn't constantly be anxious about any imperfection in Ty's health. Even though he felt a little anxious about the uncertainty of his current condition, he knew not to worry too much.

"Should I go visit him? Take some flowers?"  
"Hey! How come he gets flowers before me?" Josh jokingly protested, but Dale just tutted.   
"Well, if you had been able to control yourself enough not to snog my face off the moment you walked in the door, then I would have shown you into the kitchen first, where I have a bouquet waiting for you." Dale smiled softly and innocently, and held Josh's hand as they walked further than the entrance hall of the small flat, only to find an adorable bunch of lilies and roses on the work surface.

Josh couldn't help but gasp a little, covering his face, then hid the fact he was blushing by burying his face in Dale's shoulder. The taller laughed a little, then picked up the bunch and gave them to Josh with a gentle appearance of hope and pride dancing on his lips and in his eyes.

"Happy week anniversary of our first date."  
"Hasn't it only been 6 days?"  
"Well if you want me to return the flowers then...?"  
"Oh shush you, I love them, thank you, thank you so much." Josh put them back on the counter so he could use both hands to cup Dale's face and bring him close enough to kiss romantically but not urgently.

"Josh,"  
"Dale,"  
"I know we've only been on one date, but-"  
"Will you please be my boyfriend D?"  
"Yes, absolutely yes." Dale laughed when he took the words right out of his mouth then kissed him again.

"You're amazing." Josh couldn't help but grin happily with a slight giggle as he realised the gravity of what was happening. He had a boyfriend. He had a boyfriend!   
"You're adorable Josh," a quick peck on his forehead.

"Do you wanna go out for dinner tonight?"  
"I said I'd go check in on Ty,"  
"Okay, another day?"  
"No no, it's okay, I'll just call to let him know that I'm busy,"  
"I don't wanna get in the way J, I mean we've been together for all of 10 seconds and it's already turning into one of those 'it's me or him' situations, and I really really don't want that."  
"Dale, Dale, don't stress you're pretty little head, okay? Nobody thinks you're taking me away from him, I want to be with you, okay? I want to be with you."  
"What about Ty though?"  
"Chances are, he'll be asleep. He has been most of the other times I've gone to check on him recently. Don't worry."  
"Sure?"  
"Sure." Josh nodded, then pressed his lips against his boyfriend's, smiling happily then opening his mouth a little and allowing Dale's tongue entrance.

 

 

  
Tyler really wanted to be able to play with Jay, the 8 year old had been desperately hounding him for a MarioKart race for the past week, and they finally found time on Saturday morning whilst Zack and Maddy had basketball practice. The only problem was that he felt awful.

If Mom had been home then she wouldn't have spotted the signs straight away, noticed the way Tyler had to wince away from the bright lights and caught onto the strange breathing pattern he was stuck in as he battled the heavy feeling on his chest and panicked over the slow way he had to move his head to prevent himself from vomiting. But Mom wasn't home, Mom was watching Maddy's practice and Dad was on duty.

Dad cared a lot about him, a hell of a lot, but he wasn't quite as instantly protective as Tyler's Mom. And in many respects, Tyler loved that about him. When Mom was constantly fussing over even the smallest of sniffles, Dad was much more relaxed and trusted Tyler much more to be sensible and safe without babying him. But Tyler had to admit, he kinda wished that Dad hadn't helped him onto the floor of the living room then left him with Jay whilst he went into the back garden to mow the lawn.

Tyler wasn't trapped, he could shuffle/drag himself a little with the use of his arms, and he could always send Jay out to grab their dad again to help him up, but Tyler didn't want to be back in his chair, in fact, he didn't want to move from where he was laying on the rough carpet floor. His vision was spinning and dotting with black fuzzy patches, his head and chest were pounding, and he felt so nauseous that he was scared he'd throw up if anyone tried to lift him. Instead, he wanted to lay completely still and wait for the weird episode to end.

"I win I win I win again!" Jay squealed excitedly, and Tyler peeled his eyes open and waited for them to get used to the light, then saw that Jay had come in 9th in the race and Tyler's half of the screen showed Bowser stationary on the track with FINISH! across it. As he became more aware of his surroundings, he realised he was holding a controller but had completely forgotten to use it. Again.

"Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler!"  
"Huh?" He turned to look at his brother, head against a stack of pillows that kept him propped up, almost vomiting due the dizziness and lightheadedness it caused.   
"I win! You loooossssseee!"  
"Oh, uh, uh, well done, good job,"  
"I'm the king of the whole entire universe!"  
"Wow,"

"Again again again, buuuuuttt this time the chocolate one! Choccy choc mountain race!"  
"Okay,"   
"Tyyyyylllleeerrrrr," Jay sounded sulky.   
"Huh?"  
"Play with me!"  
"I am. I will." Tyler whispered as he tried not to puke.  
"You're being boring snoring."  
"Sorry."

"Why don't you play with me?"  
"I, I, I'm just, I feel kinda bad today littleman. I'm sorry."  
"Bad? Like your hurty legs?"   
"Legs don't hurt bud, I can't feel them, remember?" Tyler did his best to speak coherently and make eye contact, but the patches of tingling blackness were intensifying.   
"Oh yes! I can jump on them!" Jay lost his sad face as it was replaced by a grin, then he threw himself onto Tyler's shins. The younger brother was right, Tyler couldn't feel it directly, however the momentum caused him to slip off his stack of cushions and his head bounced against the carpet, and he was quite sure he was going to vom.

"Tttyyyyyyyyyylllleeerrr,"  
"Please Jay."   
"What?"  
"I, I," Tyler tried to find the words but his brain was mush, and suddenly he gagged.   
"Tyler? Ty?"  
"Bowl." He managed to say before he hurled again, thankfully keeping down the surge of liquid that threatened to breach his lips. He couldn't move enough to look around and his vision span so fast he could barely see, but he presumed from the faint pattering of feet that Jay had understood and was finding a sick bowl for him.

Alternatively, Jay could have been spooked, or maybe just got bored, and run up to his room to play with his toys in his bedroom, leaving Tyler stranded on the floor. And maybe he was really ill, maybe he was dying, maybe he'd die, alone, on the living room floor, not to be found for hours, once he was already cold and blue.

Whenever he felt crappy, he had a tendency to get hysterical very quickly. Not understanding the full medical implications of his own illness was terrifying, and often led to overthinking and overreactions. But Tyler wasn't in the right place to rationalise with himself, and he gagged again on the vomit that taunted his throat.

"I got this!" Jay burst back in and by the time Tyler realised that his little brother had pulled out his favourite red plastic cereal bowl, he heaved again and grabbed the container to catch the foul tasting liquid.

"Thanks Jay. Can, can, um, uh,"  
"I go get Daddy."  
"Good idea." Tyler panted a little as he relaxed back against the floor, exhausted by the effort of puking up half his guts. His breath made him want to be sick even more, and his head still pounded and his chest still felt tight, and the strange patterns the light caused in his eyesight were only further confusing him and all he wanted was to sit up and be fine. But he couldn't.

"Tyler son? Jay said you're not feeling so good? Ah, you've thrown up,"  
"Dad?"  
"I'm here kiddo, it's me, don't worry I've got you." Dad crouched down beside him. "Are you gonna be sick again? Do you need me to grab a proper sick bowl from your room?"  
"Dunno," he slurred a little.   
"Okay. Should we get you into bed? Would that make you feel a bit more comfortable whilst we figure out a plan?"  
"Please." He wanted to nod but felt too dizzy. Tyler heard his dad sigh but didn't feel as he slid his arm under his useless knees, then carefully put the other under his back and lifted him off the ground. Once he was stood up properly, he readjusted ever so slightly then walked briskly through the downstairs hall and into Tyler's room, settling him in his bed.

The head of the hospital bed was already propped up, but Tyler felt so weak that he couldn't control his neck and it flopped over whilst Dad adjusted his legs for him, so then he reached up and helped him to restack before sitting on the chair next to him and leaning forwards with another sigh.

"What's going on Ty?"  
"Nossure,"   
"Did you and Mom do all your meds this morning?"  
"Yeh."  
"And you did your vitals?"  
"Uh huh,"  
"And everything was normal?"  
"BP high,"  
"Your blood pressure was high?" Dad was able to say more than a few syllables without feeling like passing out, and Tyler was envious. All he could do was watch as his father stood up and went over to a cupboard, then took out the cuff and walked back over with it.

"You know I'm no good at this malarkey, so help me out? Because you and I both know that something is up, I know you're tired after a long week and all, but you usually have the strength to keep your head up. Let's just check if it's BP related."  
"Water,"  
"Oh shoot, course, sorry kiddo," the blood pressure cuff was abandoned temporarily whilst his dad went next door to the wet room to fill up a glass for him.

Whilst he was away, Tyler tried to take some deep breaths and calm down. Okay, he'd been sick, it tasted bad and that was horrible, but it wasn't going to kill him. And he felt dizzy, but that happened sometimes and the doctor had told him it was just a symptom of his cerebral hypoxia, and chances were that the spots in his vision were caused by the same historic issue. Finally the heavy sensation on his chest could be stress or fatigue, neither of which would be helped by panicking, so he told himself to simply calm down and he'd be okay.

"Here we are. Can you do it be yourself or do you want Dad's help?"  
"I can do it." Tyler reached up and attempted to take the plastic cup off him, and immediately failed, resulting in it splashing all over him, pooling in his numb lap.   
"Oopsy daisy, let's try that again." Dad didn't seem phased as he took the cup back to the wet room for refilling.

Meanwhile Tyler was left to stare at the puddle on his pants, and at that point his brain decided it was a good time to remind him that 2 years ago he was on track to get a basketball scholarship. 2 years ago he was the youngest player on the school varsity team and yet had the best stats across the board. 2 years ago, he was on track to be somebody, and yet now he couldn't even wash away the taste of his own puke without making it look like he'd pissed himself. Oh how the mighty fall.

"Let me hold it this time," Dad appeared at his bedside with the cup again. "Do you want a bucket to spit in?"   
"No thanks,"  
"Alright," he smiled then tilted the cup to Tyler's lips and held it whilst the younger gulped it down, desperate to disguise the taste. Once he finished the drink, his dad picked up a cloth then quickly wiped his face before using it to towel up all the split water.

"Should we try taking your blood pressure now?"  
"Dad."  
"Yes son?"  
"I'm, I, I uh,"  
"Yeah? You can tell me."  
"I'm really tired."  
"Tired? Okay,"  
"Could I just sleep?"  
"Well wouldn't it be better to make sure there's nothing sinister behind whatever this is?"  
"It's just a vomiting bug." Tyler prayed it was true. "I already took an anti hypertension pill, my blood pressure is gonna be fine."  
"Is this your way of telling me you just want me to leave you alone so you can go to sleep?"  
"I wanna sleep, yeah, but uh, but, but, but don't leave?"  
"I won't go anywhere if you don't want me to kid." He squeezed Tyler's bicep fondly, then reached behind for the control and lowered his bed so he could pretend to sleep for a while.

 

 

"Another clip please," her mom called, and Jenna picked up one from the edge of the sink and passed it back to her. They'd been dyeing each other's roots at home for years and were like a well oiled machine. The long clip hurt a little but it would only be in for a moment whilst Mom brushed a healthy dose of bleach onto the section of hair, then she removed it and used the tail comb to flip it over and repeat with another strip of hair.

"Your hair's getting so long now Jen,"  
"I know." She smiled at herself in the mirror. "I can't decide whether to grow it out more or maybe get a cute little pixie cut?"  
"Oooh, cute."  
"Pixie cut then?"  
"I think you'd look adorable either way," her mom said like moms do.

"Could I maybe try a colour?"  
"A colour?"  
"Yeah,"  
"What would school have to say about that?" Her mom asked.   
"I dunno, but Josh has bright yellow, like, practically glowing yellow."  
"Josh..?"  
"Tyler's best friend." Jenna reminded her.   
"Oh yes. Well maybe, I don't mind if you want to mess around with some wash in wash out ones? But make sure you're really happy with a colour and school are chill and Dad and I are alright before you go permanent."  
"Okay, I might see if I kind find some when I go to the mall with Sarah tomorrow. Thanks Mom."  
"S'okay sweetie." Her voice was warm and familiar as she clipped up another section of her hair and painted on the chemicals.

"And whilst we're on the topic - Tyler."  
"How were we on the topic?" Jenna laughed. "Go on, what do you wanna know?"  
"I dunno, just, you two? How are things?" She tried very hard to sound cool and relaxed and non-invasive, and Jenna just laughed again.   
"Things are good."  
"I know you said on Wednesday that your date was lovely, but you haven't really spoken that much about him since? Still think he's lovely?"  
"Yep."  
"Still want to go on another date?"  
"Yeah definitely." Jenna couldn't help the smile that crept onto her lips.

"You could invite him round here tonight if you'd like? Not to sleep, but, you know, to hang?" Her grasp of the vocabulary was accurate but cringe worthy.   
"My toes just curled a little Mom, stop."  
"What?? I just, you know, I'm cool with whatever you two want to get up to, you're mature now and I know you'll make good choices, so he's more than welcome to come around and Dad and I can give you some space, or you can go up to your room or something?"   
"Upstairs wouldn't work, but maybe we could go in the living room? I dunno, I'll have to check if he's free and if he wants to."   
"I'm sure he will. And hey, don't you want to show him your room now you've finally finished unpacking? Dad almost lost a thumb whilst trying to put up those fairy lights, I'm sure he'd love it if you showed them off a bit."  
"Ty can't get up the stairs though."  
"Huh?"  
"His chair." Jenna said, and only caught a confused glance in the mirror.

"He's in a wheelchair Mom, he was in a big car crash a year and a half ago and hurt his spine so he can't walk anymore - did I not mention something?"  
"No?" Her mom looked a little taken aback, no longer continuing to apply the cream to her hair. "He's disabled Jen?"  
"Yeah, so??" She suddenly felt protective of him. "What does that matter?"  
"I'm just, a bit, you know,"  
"No I don't know. Tell me." Her tone was a little hostile, but she didn't like the shift in her mother's reaction after learning of Tyler's state.

"12th grade, it's an important year sweetheart, you've got a lot coming up, what with moving school plus college applications and SATs and everything. Are you sure it's wise to take on something else?"  
"5 seconds ago you were encouraging me to have him round, what's changed?"  
"I know you like to help people, you're a kind girl, but you don't need to be his carer."  
"I'm not his carer Mom, I'm not even his girlfriend!"  
"But you want to be, don't you?"  
"His girlfriend, yes!"   
"They come as a pair Jenna, you don't get to be his girlfriend without caring for him."  
"Of course I'll care about him, I already do care, but that doesn't make me his carer."  
"So what, so, so if you're together and he needs to use the bathroom, are you just gonna say no, no you're not his carer so you won't help?"   
"What are you on about?!" Jenna snapped a little, twisting to face her angrily.

"All I'm saying is that you're young angel, you're young and you're in the prime of your life and you're meant to be enjoying yourself and letting go, not tying yourself down with responsibility already."  
"He's young too."   
"I know-"  
"And he deserves to have fun as well."  
"I'm not saying he doesn't-"  
"You're just saying that he shouldn't burden himself on me."  
"Well, kind of?" Mom was hesitant to nod, but Jenna knew exactly what she meant.

"I expected better of you Mom."  
"Jenna Elizabeth, don't talk to me that way."  
"Don't talk about Tyler that way! He's a kid whose legs don't work, so what?! So what?!"  
"I don't want you to make a decision that you're going to regret. I'm trying to protect you."  
"Mom I don't need protecting from Tyler! Tyler needs protecting from people like you!"  
"Like me?"  
"Who treat him differently because he's in a wheelchair!"  
"He is different!"  
"We're all different! So what! Big whoop!"

"Jenna you're being silly now, silly and rude. You know that I'm trying to keep your best interests at heart."  
"Tyler's all I'm interested in." Jenna said, suddenly feeling quite tearful. "And if you don't respect him, how can I respect you?"  
"Jenna."  
"Please Mom, tell me how."   
"I do respect him, I feel really really sorry for-"  
"He doesn't need you sympathy."  
"Okay, well I really admire his bravery, but I'm not convinced he's what you need right now."  
"You don't know him." She wiped her cheek hurriedly.   
"You've told me a lot about him."  
"And you loved him until I told you he's disabled."

"It's not something I have against all disabled people, and it's not his fault, absolutely not his fault, but you can't deny the fact that he needs more from you than other boys."  
"More what?"  
"More time, more attention, more effort."  
"You can't possibly presume that! And so what if he does? I'm willing to give it to him! He's worth it to me!"  
"You barely know him Jenna."  
"I know him a hell of a lot more than you do. I know that he is kind and selfless and independent and strong and so so considerate Mom. He's not a burden, he's the opposite, he's a joy and a pleasure to be around, in fact, I wish I was with him right now rather than listening to you and your offensive ableist views." Jenna cried. Her mom sighed and put down the bowl and brush, and reached out to give her a hug, but Jenna shied away.

"Leave me alone please."  
"Jen."  
"Mom please just go. I'm having a shower then going to bed, I'm sick of this, please, leave."  
"Fine." She sighed, and left Jenna in floods of tears on the chair in the bathroom, bleach in her hair and hurt in her heart.

 

 

  
"Is that your phone?" Dale asked, and Josh sat up from his boyfriend's chest and peered over to where his mobile was charging at the wall, and saw the screen was lit up. He hated to leave the warm snuggle on the couch that he'd been in for the last few hours, spending the day watching Netflix but really just kissing, but knew that the call was probably Tyler and probably important.

To his slight surprise, Jenna's contact was filling the screen, and he was quick to answer it and step outside the room for a little privacy, squeezing Dale's hand briefly as he walked past him.

"Hey Jenna, everything okay?"  
"Hi Josh, sorry, hi, I, I didn't know who else to call." She sounded like she was crying, and his stomach sank.   
"That's okay, I'm sure it's all gonna be okay, I'll do my best to help with whatever it is, hit me."   
"I just, I, I had this huge fight with my mom,"  
"Right,"  
"She, um, she, shit Josh, I think she hates disabled people."  
"That sounds a little extreme, are you sure you interpreted her right?"  
"I don't know," the girl cried, and Josh sat down on the floor, knowing it was likely to be a long call but not minding. Of course he missed Dale's touch for a few moments, but he wanted to do everything he could for his best mate's crush, who he also considered a friend already.

"Well how about you take me back, what did she say?"  
"She, she, uh, well, she, we were talking about Tyler,"  
"Okay."  
"She said I should invite him round and she was being really supportive and everything, and then I said he's paraplegic and she basically said I'm too young to be his carer and he would be a burden on me."   
"Yeah."  
"She hates him!" Jenna exclaimed emotionally.   
"So that's all she said?"  
"Yeh,"  
"She's right." Josh told her.   
"What?"  
"Your mom, she's right, you are too young and he can be a burden."  
"Josh, y-you're, you're, what? You're supposed to be his best friend, how can you say that about him?"  
"It's true." He shrugged against the wall.

"I don't understand." Jenna cried a little.   
"Tyler is my best friend in the whole world, always has been, always will be. We know each other on incredibly personal levels and seen each other at our rawest, and I know that he would want you to know that being with him will never be easy."  
"But he's worth it."  
"Oh absolutely, without a doubt, yes. But I want you to be realistic Jenna and I want you to be aware of what you're getting into if you decide you want to take things to the next level with Ty."  
"What?" Her voice was soft as she sniffed.   
"He's not as straightforward as a depressed teen who went through a life altering experience and found a new appreciation for living."  
"I know there's more to it than that, I know." She was well intentioned but Josh wanted to try and explain that she couldn't possible know the extent.

"It's scary for me as a friend, because I still think he's a suicide risk."  
"Suicide risk?"  
"He's sad Jenna, he's really really sad. People think that they get it, they think they understand how difficult it must be for him and comprehend how shit he must feel, but they don't, even I don't. He is really fucking sad." Josh felt himself get a little emotional, but knew he could deal with that later.

"It's not as simple as just being unable to walk or be independent, it impacts him every minute of every day. We can't go to our favourite music store anymore, where we used to go every single day to calm down his demons, because it's not wheelchair accessible. We can't go to concerts together anymore, like we used to every Friday. We can't fix up cars anymore, like we did everyday of summer. He can't play basketball anymore, like he used to every single day. And with Tyler, he fully loads all of his purpose onto his actions, so not being able to complete those actions anymore is synonymous with not having a purpose. Add on the fact that he feels physically unwell most days because of his dizziness and the fact he blanks out a handful of times each day, plus the chronic pain. He's constantly being reminded of what's happened to him and how it's changed him."

"I want to help him forget." Jenna whispered.   
"I want you to too."  
"I can't Josh, not, not without my mom's blessing. I can't."

"Everything okay?" Dale walked out and asked with a concerned frown, and Josh nodded. Dale's frown deepened and Josh knew he rightfully didn't believe him, but thankfully took the hint and went back to the couch.

"Your mom, if, if she thinks you've properly thought about what it means to fall in love with a boy who's broken in more ways than one, I think she'll support you. She most likely said what she said because she didn't want you to make a mistake."  
"A mistake? How can falling in love be a mistake?"  
"If you break his heart."  
"What? You, you think I'm capable of that?" Jenna sounded a little offended.   
"I've learnt over the years that you always need to consider the worst case scenario." He explained himself. "And maybe, maybe you listen to me and your mom but decide that actually you do think you can manage a relationship with Ty. So you two go on a few more dates and properly fall for each other, and get incredibly close, only for you to realise that the inconveniences and the stress that come with spinal chord injuries are just too much for you, and you break things off. That would destroy Tyler. No matter the face he shows the world, he's always teetering on the edge of collapsing, and that might just push him over."

"Do you understand what I'm saying?" Josh asked when Jenna didn't respond for a few moments.   
"I think so." Her voice shook. "I want to know, I want, I want to hear it from you, I want you to explain just how difficult it truly is to have any kind of relationship with Tyler. I want to know what I have in store for me if I go ahead with this."  
"You'd have a very vulnerable, insecure, scared boyfriend who would need constant reassurance and unending patience. He can do the exact same activity every single day for years, and then suddenly have extreme anxiety over doing it again and you'll need to be prepared to remind him and help him remember that he's capable. He might call you at 4am in floods of tears, just as a regular occurrence. Panic attacks are a normal part of our week. You'll have to learn about the physical aspects of his condition, it's inevitable that you'll need to help him with something at some point, even just transferring, and I only think it's polite to understand what works and what doesn't. And with that, comes catheter knowledge. It's not glamorous, but it's also not got the best track record for being very reliable and is almost certain to fault at some point. If and when that happens, he will freak out, he will breakdown, and you will need to not only support him emotionally but fix the physical problem." Josh didn't want to put her off, but didn't want to encourage a relationship that would end in tears.

"You'll have to get used to the fact that dates have to be properly planned and researched - spontaneity and Tyler are not a good combination. A lot of things have to be factored in when you're making plans with him, he's got a busy schedule of medical and therapy appointments and he has to be home for meds and home for independent physical therapy with his mom every single night. You need to be aware that he gets fatigued and will probably fall asleep on a date, and spending all night watching the stars and talking does not fit in with managing fatigue and his breathing support. Additionally you'll need to learn the medical lingo but also more importantly learn the language that Tyler likes to use so that you're not being too formal or too offensive when discussing his issues with him or other people. Be prepared for him to forget whole conversations and whole days sometimes. Also know that it's likely you'll feel very protective over him and he will rebel against any sort of advice regarding what's best for him, and you may need to be firm and lay down the law, but also judge when actually he needs to make a mistake like any other kid."

"Flashbacks happen when you least expect it, and one minute he can seem fine and then the next he's crying and screaming. Jenna you need to understand that instability is a key theme with Tyler, his health is unstable, his mindset is unstable, he's unstable. But he's also loyal as Hell, he's thoughtful to a T, he's determined to improve everyday, he's devoted to making those who love him proud, he's endlessly polite and thankful, he's prone to struggling but he's aware of that and he is committed to work with anyone who offers him any hint of hope. He's funny, so funny, and he's intelligent and full of amazing stories and deep thoughts and perspectives, and he's fascinating to sit and listen to. He works hard and puts his all into everything he cares about, and he definitely cares about you and definitely wants for this to work. It's his instinct to try and make things work by pretending that everything is normal, but the truth is, there's nothing normal about Tyler. If you want normal, if you want a boyfriend who's going to give you his varsity jacket and make you panic by leaving you on read for 13 minutes before replying then I can introduce to plenty of those types. If you want somebody who is hard work but also hardworking and capable of incredibly deep connections in spite of significant barriers, then his number is top of my speed dial."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> So I haven't been online for a while because things have gone down hill for me regarding my mental health. I've been having lots psychotic episodes and it's resulted in me getting admitted back into hospital. I've been here about a month so far, and things are getting better slowly but I won't be home for Christmas.   
> I have to admit that it was hard to get my phone back and find out that the only person who checked in on me on Ao3 was a guest who I've never spoken to before. I'm incredibly grateful for their concern, but it sucks that some of my more regular readers didn't check in. I thought I was quite close with some of you and it's upset me if I'm honest.   
> I'm overreacting and incredibly emotionally unstable so I'm gonna go, but anyway, nice to be back


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I'm not a medical professional (obviously) so might not be accurate portrayal, I'm just a kid with google

Me: Morning Ty  
Me: Soooo, I may have slept over at Dale's last night...  
Me: We didn't sleep together or anything, we just had a really sweet night talking and stuff  
Me: Anyway, I'm not sure whether I'm gonna make it to church this morning or not, but I'll probably still meet you guys at the park afterwards - that okay? X  
Me: Ty?  
Me: ?  
Me: Sorry

"Still no reply?" Dale asked as he came back from asking his house mate if she wanted anything for breakfast. The older boy had already started cooking the bacon and eggs whilst Josh sat at the island nursing a cup of coffee, wearing his boyfriend's hoodie and boxer shorts. He knew they weren't exactly moving at conventional pace, but they were both happy so didn't see any point in slowing things down.

"Nope." Josh sighed and put his phone down again, concerned he'd upset Tyler by going so long without seeing him and bailing on their plans. For most, a day and a half wasn't long, but for them if felt like eternity.

"He's probably praying J, he's not ignoring you."   
"We don't just constantly pray on Sundays," a small smile formed on Josh's lips as Dale turned the heat off the hob and walked over to him with gently extended arms that wrapped around his hips and pulled him close against his warm and bare torso.

"Well how am I supposed to know what good Christians get up to? I'm not exactly sin free."  
"Still trying to convince me to award you that bad boy title?" Josh smirked and Dale laughed.   
"I used to go to church once I'll have you know."  
"Oh yeah?"  
"Yeah, back when I was really little, until boys took control of my heart."  
"Did they force you out or did you walk away?" He knew exactly what Dale was trying to say.   
"Let's just say it wasn't my choice."  
"I'm sorry Dale, just for the record, whether you believe or not, that's up to you, but my God's not homophobic, my faith's not homophobic, my church's not homophobic."  
"I know, and I'm glad." Dale pecked Josh on the lips, making him smile. He didn't seem to be choked up by the historic act of hate, he seemed at peace, and Josh admired that endlessly.

"That brings me nicely onto what I wanted to ask you actually."  
"And what might that be handsome?" His hand finding its way to the back of Josh's head, playing with his hair softly.   
"Well, you know how I'm going to meet the guys in the park after they finish church a bit later?"  
"Yeah,"  
"I was hoping you'd come along too?"  
"Give you a lift? Sure." Dale smiled.   
"I meant maybe stick around? You know, meet my friends, get to know them a bit? How does that sound?"  
"There's quite a big group, isn't there?"  
"Uhhh," Josh counted up in his head. "7? 9 if you include us."  
"Oh,"

"I dunno, I just, I want to show you off, and I thought maybe a big group would be less intense than a one to one?"  
"Uh,"  
"You don't have to, of course you don't have to, if you don't want to or you don't feel comfortable or you don't feel like it or, yeah, or whatever, you don't have to."  
"I want to, I just, I, it makes me kinda nervous?" Dale shrugged a little.   
"Okay, that's alright D."  
"Are they gonna, like, hound us with personal questions?"   
"No no, they'll be respectful and everything - I mean, there's this one guy, Brendon? Yeah, if anyone is gonna say something inappropriate then it's him, but that's just the way he is and everyone usually ignores him to be honest. He's got ADHD and he gets really excited about stuff, so there's a chance that he'll cross the line, but he's good at shutting up if you tell him. He's not rude, none of them are."   
"Right,"

"It was only an idea, don't worry babe, just forget it. If it's making you anxious then I-"  
"I'm not anxious-anxious, just hoping they'll like me."  
"You're gonna come?" Josh grinned proudly.   
"You'll protect me from big bad Brendon?"  
"That is honestly the last way anyone would describe him, he's got a heart of gold, but yes, I'll protect you from big bad Brendon, and I'll fend off any questions you don't wanna answer and I'll tell people to stop poking and prodding you if it's too much. Whatever you need, I'll sort it, I just want for you to feel as comfortable around them as I do, because they're my friends and my lifelines and they're important to me, and so are you."

"Thank you for introducing me, it will be an honour."  
"Gladly."  
"Is wheels gonna be there?"  
"Yeah, he uh, he doesn't go straight to the park, his family are super close to the pastor because he was a huge support with looking after the younger ones when Ty and Chris were in hospital after the accident, so he stays behind to talk to him for a lil while, but then he joins us afterwards. He'll be there, he'll just be a bit late."  
"Right, and Chris? Who's Chris?"  
"He's Tyler's dad, he got third degree burns on his hands when he was trying to get Tyler out of the car so he needed lots of plastic surgery on them."  
"Shit man,"  
"But he's doing better, they both are."  
"I'm glad." Dale smiled, fingers still tangled in Josh's yellow curls.

"They're going to love you, I'm sure of it."  
"And if they're anything like you, I'm gonna love them too." His gaze fell to Josh's lips, and they lingered for a moment before colliding in the same familiar and yet thrilling way they had been all night. Josh's hand found its way to Dale's sharp jaw and cupped it, then encouraged him to tilt the other way, tongue not leaving his mouth as they repositioned between the natural push and pull of the way they moved.

"Ewww yuckkk! This is where I eat!" Miriam, Dale's flatmate, teased as she trudged into the kitchen, wearing her duvet as a cape.   
"Good morning to you too," Josh laughed a little as Dale shuffled to be by his side, holding him lovingly.   
"It's too early in the morning for that much PDA."  
"I mean we're not teeechnically in public, this is my home, you can't get much more private than that." Dale defended them jokingly as Miriam went over to the cupboard and took out a plate, then picked up the pan of eggs and bacon and slid the contents onto it.

"Oi, half of that was for Josh Missy." His boyfriend protested.   
"He seemed a bit preoccupied eating your face."  
"Very polite to our honoured guest,"  
"Bite my lesbian butt Dale." She shrugged unapologetically as she carried her plate and cutlery back towards her bedroom, blanket following behind her and picking up dust as it swept the floor.

"It's a good job I love that girl, because she's a giant pain in the back side." Dale sighed with a shake of his head whilst going back over to the fridge to remake Josh his breakfast. And at that moment, Josh was overcome with a strange sense of belonging.

 

 

  
Jenna didn't feel right. She still hadn't cleared the air with her mom after their spat, but that wasn't what was bothering her, instead she was preoccupied thinking about Tyler. It didn't make much change from normal recently, however this time she felt worried rather than attracted.

Josh hadn't turned up to church, citing an evening with Dale as his excuse to the group chat that she wasn't a part of. She'd been thinking all night about what he'd told her, and come to the conclusion that, even though it was going to be incredibly difficult at times, she wanted to be with Tyler. And really it wasn't much of a choice, he already owned her heart.

All through the morning's service, she'd been watching Ty. He was sat over with his family in their usual spot, his chair parked up against the end of the pew and his mom's hand reaching across and holding his on his lap. And although Jenna was sat near the back with everyone else, even she could see that something wasn't right. Not only had his mom attempted to discretely wheel him out twice for 10 minutes a pop, but he didn't go up for communion or a blessing and also barely seemed able to keep his head up for more than a few seconds.

To say Jenna was worried was an understatement.

She tried to rationalise with herself, attempting to convince her anxious soul that she was just hyper sensitive after hearing what Josh had to say the previous evening, but she couldn't deny the hard evidence that Tyler really didn't seem well at all. And all she wanted was for Josh to turn up with his cheeky grin and reassure her that it was all explainable.

Of course Josh was in high demand though, he was introducing everyone to his new boyfriend, and Jenna feared that she wouldn't be able to have a private conversation with him any time soon. She was naturally very happy for him and Dale, but couldn't even attempt to hide her overwhelming concern.

"If they don't get here soon my dick is gonna freeze off." Brendon announced bitterly and Sarah laughed and shoved him jokingly. "Dunno what you're giggling about, you're the one who's gonna suffer the most."  
"Brendon, what's the longest you've gone without talking about either your dick or your sex life?" Patrick retorted and everyone laughed.   
"You're hardly one to talk Stump, you and Pete can barely keep your hands off each other."  
"And now Josh and Dale are officially together, you can't use the excuse that you're the only ones representing LGBT anymore." Spencer teased playfully.

"My ears are burning, someone say my name?" A familiar voice said, and Jenna looked behind her to see Josh grinning proudly with his arm wrapped around the significantly larger bicep of a nervous looking coffeehouse barista.

"Hey hey hey, look who finally decided to show up," Brendon smirked and climbed off the bench, greeting Josh with a hug and then extending his hand out.   
"Dale,"  
"Brendon, nice to meet ya,"  
"I've heard a lot about you." Dale laughed a little as he released the hand, and Sarah gave Jenna a look that would have made her smile had she not been preoccupied with thoughts of Tyler.

"Spencer." Spence raised his hand from where he was sat but didn't stand.   
"Yep, you're an Americano, Pete you're a cappuccino, Patrick you're a chai vanilla, and Sarah you're a green tea. Pleased to finally see you when I'm not wearing that horrific green tabard." Dale pointed round at the regulars with a smirk as he showed off his memory. "And you must be Jenna."  
"I am she." She nodded with a forced smile, arms crossed anxiously across her chest.

"Sorry we're so late, we lost track of the time." Josh explained vaguely.   
"Not a problem." Sarah waved her hand dismissively.   
"Speak for yourself! My nipples are as hard as rocks!" Brendon borderline shrieked. "Fuucccking coooollldd,"  
"Ignore him,"  
"Oh I usually do." He teased, much to Brendon's dramatised horror. "Where's Ty?"  
"Running late too I guess, he was at church earlier so he's coming."  
"He didn't look well though." Jenna piped up.   
"Yeah he was a super sleepy boy today." Pete agreed but nobody seemed as worried as Jenna felt, until she saw a slight frown briefly appear on his best friend's face.   
"Right."

"So what have you two lovers been up to that took priority over your date with Jesus?" Pete moved on without hesitation.   
"I had Josh over to my apartment for the first time." Dale couldn't contain a loving smile as his arm snaked around his younger boyfriend, who turned inwards fondly, then he leant in and kissed Josh's temple.   
"Naawwwww," Brendon cooed and Josh giggled embarrassed and hid his face in Dale's chest. Normally Jenna would've been swept up in the adorable cuteness of the pair but she just couldn't shake off the sense of unease in her chest.

"Fair to say it went well then?" Patrick didn't really need to ask.   
"Very." Josh nodded then kissed Dale on the lips quickly.

"I think we're-"  
"JOSH!" A cry caught all of their attention, and everyone twisted to see Tyler's younger brother sprinting down the street and towards the park, waving his arm.   
"Is that Zack?" Pete murmured confused.   
"Yeh." Josh nodded shakily and stepped out of his boyfriend's embrace, taking a few steps towards the fast moving teen as Jenna's heart pounded.

"Josh!"  
"Yes?"  
"Josh, it's Ty, he, he, shit," Zack finally reached them, panting as tears ran down his face.   
"He what?!"  
"He had a fit, or, or a seizure, or whatever, he, he," the teen couldn't finish his sentence as he cried, and Josh turned away with both his palms pressed to his forehead as Jenna's vision clouded over.

"Is he okay?" She felt stupid as her voice shook.   
"No! Of course he's not!" Zack screamed a little bit and the tears rolled down her cheeks too.   
"Zack, take a deep breath, where's Tyler now?" Sarah asked calmly.   
"Ambulance, with, with Mom, going to Riverside ho-hospital."  
"I'm going." Josh finally said something and took several strides back towards the church, but Dale grabbed him by the wrist and stopped him walking any further.

"Babe,"  
"I have to be with him."  
"The ambulance is going to be gone by the time you get there-"  
"I DON'T CARE!"  
"Josh." Dale said deeply as Jenna wiped her face. "Think rationally-"  
"I HAVE TO BE WITH HIM!"  
"Okay-"  
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN!" Josh exploded emotionally then let out a few stifled sobs. "It's happening again."

Jenna didn't know what he meant by that, but judging by his and Zack's sobs, it was hardly routine. She had no idea what had caused the fit and how severely Tyler would be impacted by the episode, but the tone of the group suggested that things were far from fine. She wasn't an idiot, she knew things were far from fine.

"Riverside hospital, it's too far to run or whatever you're planning on doing, just slow down, my car's literally parked 30 seconds away, I'll give you a ride." Dale spoke rationally. "And kid, you want to come with?" He asked Zack, who nodded profusely and walked over to join the pair, clearly wanting to go straight to the vehicle and straight to his brother.

"Could I maybe come too? Please?" Jenna squeaked and Dale looked to Josh, who was sobbing but still managed a small nod before leading the way to the car.

 

 

 

After a silent (and admittedly far too fast) drive to the familiar hospital, the four of them raced to the reception and were met with the advice that Tyler was in resus so they wouldn't be able to see him until he got moved to a ward. They were told to sit down, maybe get a hot drink, and wait for their names to be called. Although none of them were happy about it and both Zack and Josh tearfully protested for a short while, eventually they caved and Jenna went off on a tea run and Josh settled into a blue waiting room chair with the other two.

The chairs brought back more memories than he had been expecting and they impacted him more than he was proud of. There were the exact same models about 30 metres to the north and 3 stories up where ICU was and where Josh had slept for 8 days whilst Tyler was unconscious. So although they were relatively comfortable to sit on, Josh only associated them with pain. Not only his own pain from the awkward sleeping positions, but more the emotional turmoil he had experienced and only recently began to truly get over. He just hoped today didn't mark a setback for either himself or Tyler.

"Here you go." Jenna walked back over shyly, passing him a polystyrene cup of tea. Zack was too anxious to stay sat down, let alone have a drink, and was pacing on the other side of the huge room whilst Dale had gone home to give them space and a little privacy. He'd done a very good job of calming Josh down after they arrived, but thankfully accepted that he couldn't promise Tyler would be okay and realised that sometimes there was nothing he could do. His apartment was only a few minutes away and he'd promised he would come back if Josh needed him.

"Thanks,"  
"What are you doing?"   
"I'm uh, I'm trying and failing to download a vine compilation." He told her, voice hoarse after the hysteria. "Ty likes them, it's sort of tradition I guess? Whenever he's in hospital, we always watch them together. They're easier for him because he only has to hold concentration for 7 seconds at a time, and I dunno, they're just our sense of humour I suppose."  
"Oh,"  
"Months of sitting in waiting rooms here for him has taught me that even though the wifi is shit here, it gets worse the further you walk that way and you lose it about 10 metres before all the rooms down there where he'll most likely end up. So I'm just trying to be prepared, have one ready for him."  
"S'lovely, uh, lovely idea." She said quietly, sipping from her boiling cup and clearly thinking.

"Has he had an event like this before? Does he have epilepsy? I, um, in the park, I remember what you said, it's happening again?"  
"He's had a few seizures, but no, not epilepsy."  
"Then what?"  
"When he was first waking up from his coma he had a lot of swelling on the brain and that triggered them. I think, I'm, I think that was why I really panicked? It was a difficult time back then to say the least, lots of questions as to what his consciousness levels were going to be like, even questions as to whether he'd get off the ventilator, and yeah, just reminded me I guess. Then for a while he was on a medication that gave them to him as a side effect, but once they connected the dots they took him off it. Uhm, what else, he once had bradycardia, so a really low heartbeat, not long after he woke up, and that gave him one."  
"What's caused this today then?" Jenna asked, wiping a tear discreetly.   
"Honestly I have no idea. All I know is that his mom said he had fairly high blood pressure, so it might be something to do with that. But then again his blood pressure does fluctuate a lot."   
"So can high blood pressure give you seizures?"  
"Only if it's extremely high."

"How do you know all of this?"  
"Feels like I live here half the time, Ty's always in and out and I'm always doing everything I can to be with him. And, you know, the majority of my time is spent in waiting rooms rather than at his bedside, so I fill my time with google searches."

"It um, it's, it's, it feels like it's perfect timing, in an odd way."  
"Yeah?" He looked up from his slowly ticking download and watched her blot another trickling tear.   
"Just as I decide I want to pursue this, to commit to someone you warned me was a rollercoaster of a guy, he puts on quite a show and ends up here and I end up in a bit of a state. You warned me this would happen, I just didn't realise you meant so soon."

"Last night, I, um, I wanted to give you the worst case scenario so you know what it could be like. And yes, it's coincidental timing, but this doesn't happen every day I promise. I might have gone over the top last night." Josh's voice sounded husky and hurt with each syllable.   
"I understand what you were trying to do, trying to say. You didn't want me to go into a relationship without knowing what might lay ahead, and consequently break your best friend's heart."  
"Exactly."  
"I won't though Josh, I promise I won't let him down, I won't break him." She looked him straight in the eyes.   
"I mean, you're here, you've passed the test." He said shyly, not sure whether a joke was appropriate, but the blonde smiled softly and briefly.

"I have your blessing then?"  
"Yeah, you have my blessing." Josh nodded reassuringly then put his phone down on the empty seat next to him and starts picking at his nails nervously.

"Are you worried that it's something really bad?" Jenna blinked away fat tears that Josh watched roll down her face.   
"Deep down, yeah," he admitted. "Like I said, I'm here with him quite a lot and I've taught myself not to get too worked up without anything to base my fears on, but, I dunno, seizures, they're, they're a brain issue, and a brain issue is scary, you know? Like, a brain, all it takes is the slightest little issue, the smallest little knock or bleed, and that could be him seriously brain damaged for life."   
"Mm,"  
"The stuff with his brain before, when he was starved of oxygen, some of the things the doctor warned us could be a symptom back when he was comatose, it still haunts me. You know, not being able to speak, to move, to understand what's going on. I dunno, this just reminds me."

"Is it possible that this is a symptom of the same injury? Of the hypoxia?"  
"I mean, I guess? Maybe." Josh wasn't sure. "Hypoxia definitely can cause seizures, but I'm not sure if Ty's is severe enough. It would be a first if it did."  
"Right."

Josh got the sense that Jenna had dozens more questions but she thankfully had the restraint not to keep bombarding him. Not only was he plagued by ghosts, but also very current fears over his best friend. He knew things hadn't been great for Tyler's health recently, but he'd put it down to a combination of it being flu season and Ty's poor immune system. And it was only as they sat there in the waiting room did Josh begin to pick apart all the now glaringly obvious signs that Tyler was seriously unwell. Too little too late.

"Josh," someone said, and he looked up to see Zack standing opposite with swollen eyes but no more tears.   
"Mmm?"  
"Mom sent me a text,"  
"And?"  
"Ty's doing pretty well, exhausted but stable." He told them and Jenna let out a sigh of relief but Josh didn't. He couldn't. "Most likely culprit is another autonomic dysreflexia episode."  
"Ah, okay, do they know why?"  
"UTI it seems, they took cultures to make sure and replaced his catheter."  
"Okay."  
"They've moved to the Turner ward so Mom's gonna check for permission but we'll probably be allowed to visit pretty soon."  
"Great, thanks Zack."   
"I'm gonna call my dad, keep him in the loop, but I'll come get you if there's anymore news."  
"Perfect, thanks again." He smiled as the younger walked away with his phone in hand.

"Autonomic disflexia? Wh-what's that?" Jenna asked.   
"Dysreflexia." Josh repositioned slightly on the seat, hoping it wouldn't be much longer until they moved. "It's, uh, I mean I don't really understand the medical side of it, but how it was explained to me last time it happened is basically there's some sort of stimulus below his injury, a pain stimulus,"  
"Right,"  
"And his body tries to pass that message up his spinal chord to his brain, but obviously it can't, but it keeps trying to send the messages, so the spinal chord has some sort of special nerve system or something to try and balance the reaction, but basically it reacts by constricting all the blood vessels below his injury which results in super high blood pressure. That's what's made him sick, given him the seizure."

"The pain stimulus, it's a UTI? That's an infection, yeah?"  
"Yeah, because he's got a catheter he's really high risk for them, he's had a couple and they get to his bladder and up to his kidneys usually, but hopefully they'll put him on some antibiotics and sort him out. He'll probably have some strong meds for his blood pressure in the mean time too."  
"But he'll be okay?"  
"He'll be okay."

 

 

Tyler felt odd. He felt drained, his brain felt fuzzy, his muscles ached, and his wrist throbbed. Apparently during the seizure, once Mitch, the pastor, had got over his initial shock and managed to unbuckle the wheelchair straps and get him onto the floor, Tyler had banged his wrist against a pew a few times. The doctor had seen the swelling, the nurse had taken him for a scan, they'd told him it would bruise but nothing more.

As for the seizure, they said he'd feel drained, that his brain would feel fuzzy, that his muscles would ache, but nothing more. In spite of those supposedly reassuring words, a man in a blue apron still proceeded to glue 19 electrodes to his scalp. Something along the lines of a precautionary 24 hour monitoring period, just to make sure, but to make sure of what? If they really thought they'd cracked it, found the cause, why were they second guessing themselves? What did they know that Tyler didn't? Was today the start of a whole new wave? Yet another complication, another barrier between where he wanted to be and where he was? Did he now have to add seizures to the long list of isolating factors that were determined to tear him apart?

His mind spun and his heart pounded, not fast enough to set off any alarms, but hard enough to echo against Tyler's chest as he begged himself not to start crying again. The tears had emerged too many times and he was tired of being vulnerable. But he couldn't deny the anxiety that wracked his broken semi-functioning body, the fear that came alongside the unknown, the pain associated with the clinical white and the clinical blue that formed the walls which had been his prison for so long.

"Tyler," his mom's croaking voice broke above the noise. "Are you going to throw up baby? You don't look very comfortable, are you nauseous?"  
"No," Tyler's voice was near silent as he rolled his head on the almost flat pillow to meet her eyes, electrode wires a tangled tugging mess behind him.   
"Do you need some painkillers?"  
"No, I-I, I, I just wanna go home,"  
"I know sweetheart, I know, just gotta finish the EEG and then we're outta here I promise. 1 hour down, 23 to go." Her voice sounded strained and exhausted; he knew she'd been sobbing in the ambulance.

"Your brother and your friends are in the waiting room - do you want me to send them home? Say you're not up to guests?"  
"Josh?"   
"And Jenna." A gentle smile appeared on her face, and briefly did on his too.

Jenna cared enough to come and see him?

"You don't have to see her if you don't want to, I hate to tell you Ty but you don't exactly look your best." Her smile remained as she teased him a little. "Alternatively, the sympathy method does work great on girls."  
"Wow, A* dating advice, have a seizure and they'll come running, thanks Mom."  
"I've been married almost twice as long as you've been alive, I'll have you know young man, I know a thing or two about relationships."

"Are, um, are, are they okay?"  
"I messaged Zack whilst you were having your catheter changed, he seems okay to me, worried, naturally, but okay." She nodded. "He told me Jenna's been tearful and Josh is quite shaken up, but none of them are going to fall apart if you decide you need to rest."  
"Yeah,"  
"I don't mind either way, I can see pros and cons to both choices, so I'll support you with whatever you wish babe."

"Is Dad gonna come?"  
"Yeah he is, he's looking after the little ones at the moment but Granny's going to swap so he can join us overnight."  
"Are you both staying with me?"  
"That's up to you, Granny's just coming so we have options. I doubt the hospital will supply us both with accommodation but I'm sure Dad will sleep on a chair if you want him with you. You know what he's like."  
"Is he coping okay? I know he hates being back here."  
"I haven't had a heart to heart to be honest Ty, for now we've been more focused on practicalities, but you don't need to worry about that, okay?" Mom said, leaning closer to him.

"You're too busy worrying about how everybody else is when you need to be focussing on getting better. You're the priority right now mister. So, what's going to help you feel better whilst we wait for the meds to actually make you better?"  
"Seeing Josh, Zack and Jenna."

 

 

  
After 3 hours in the waiting room, Josh was close to breaking. He'd tried distracting himself, played candy crush, played the cupcake equivalent to candy crush and the gem equivalent to candy crush and the ancient Egyptian equivalent candy crush and the fish equivalent to candy crush. He'd checked Twitter, checked Instagram, checked Twitter again. And again. And again. He'd texted Dale, texted Brendon, even texted his brother. But eventually his battery drained to 6% and so he shoved it in his pocket to save the last dregs of energy for emergencies.

The woman behind the reception desk who had promised to come and get them as soon as Tyler was out of resus had, predictably, not come to get them. Zack knew with absolute certainty that his brother was on the observation ward, and yet when the restless teen made the hike across the giant building, he was told by the ward lead that Tyler wasn't allowed visitors and sent all the way back again.

In many ways Zack was worse than Josh when it came to paranoia. Once he returned he proceeded to list off reels of conspiracies about how Tyler was desperately unwell and the hospital and his mom were hiding it from them. And half of them were convincing. Eventually the teen wore himself out and collapsed into a plastic chair, then Jenna went on her third trip to the community cafe and returned with a hot chocolate for him.

Jenna had calmed down a lot, the tears had dried up and she took on a more nurturing roll in the trio. Despite barely knowing them at all, she easily identified their downfalls and regularly encouraged Zack to stop his nervous rambles because he only would wind himself up further, whilst also frequently reminding Josh to speak up about his anxieties. One spoke too much, one didn't speak enough.

Josh knew she was right, he did have a tendency to clam up when the anxiety took hold of his throat with its vicious grip. But sometimes anxiety had due cause. For example, it was rational to feel anxious when your already severely disabled best friend had a seizure and was being hidden somewhere in the same building as you but nobody would let you find him.

"Mom!" Zack interrupted his train of thoughts and Josh's head shot up to see the youngest of the group stand up and run across the busy waiting room to embrace the women. Josh and Jenna followed after him and arrived just as he was released.

"Hey guys," she smiled and pulled Josh into a hug, then Jenna. The two women weren't particularly well aquatinted but the situation brought them together - although Kelly didn't need an excuse to hug someone.   
"What happened?! You said we could see him 2 hours ago!" Zack exclaimed.   
"Did you not get the rest of my messages?" Kelly frowned a little and Josh's heart hammered against his ribs.   
"My phone died."  
"Oh, right, sorry darling, I would have come out here to tell you in person if I had known that. Don't worry, no further complications or anything, they just decided they needed to take him for an MRI to check his hypoxia but they'd already attached his EEG equipment and that can't go in the scanner in case it overheats, so we had to take every single one out - which isn't easy with that glue - then he had the scan, then they had to reattach the EEG all over again. Basically just a daft logistical error, nothing health related."

"Is he okay?" Josh asked the golden question.  
"All things considered, he's doing really well." She nodded and he sighed happily. "Come on, I'm sure you're sick of waiting, follow me."

"Mrs Joseph." Jenna said as they started walking down a corridor at long last.   
"Call me Kelly,"  
"Kelly,"  
"Yes darling?"  
"Are you sure it's okay I'm here? I know I'm not family or, well, I know Josh is basically family, but yeah, sorry, are you sure I'm okay to be here? I haven't overstepped my place?"  
"No no of course not, you should have seen the way Ty's little face lit up when I told him you were here." Kelly showed them to a flight of stairs and stared climbing, and Josh noticed Jenna's blushing smile that she couldn't disguise.

"You're more than welcome to visit because right now we've just gotta keep Ty happy so he doesn't go nuts whilst he's bed bound, and you just so happen to be very talented at making him very happy young lady."  
"Thank y-" Jenna was interrupted by Zack suddenly bursting out emotionally.   
"Why is this all fun and games to you Mom?! I thought, I, I," he started sobbing. "It w-wa-was j-j-just li-like the f-f-fir-firssst t-time, I, I, I, I thought he w-was d-d-dying!"  
"Zack," she stopped on the landing between two flights of stairs and pulled him against her chest, stroking him firmly and humming slightly as he broke down.

"Josh, Jenna, why don't you go on ahead? Leave us to have a little talk? Ty's in room 4." The mother suggested calmly, and Josh just gulped whilst nodding then raced away from the vulnerably private moment the pair were sharing. Thankfully Jenna shared the same idea and they picked up the pace to finish the remaining steps and opened a door into the ward, following the signs to the lower digits in complete silence.

Josh'd been on the ward with Tyler once before, but it wasn't their 'usual'. Ordinarily Tyler was either in the spinal chord rehabilitation unit or historically in intensive care or the high dependency unit, so it took Josh a moment to get his baring and figure out where exactly the room was.

"Do you want to go in first? Have some time with him without me? I can wait out here." Jenna offered as they got close.   
"You've waited long enough, honestly, it's fine." He wanted to smile at her generosity but felt so tried and anxious that it never reached his lips. Resisting a yawn, Josh reached out and opened the door.

Tyler's bed was huge, dwarfing his already skinny frame, and Josh could barely see him from under all the equipment they'd attached to him. Most obviously there were wires all over his scalp with only a few centimetres in between the little sensor things, including two on his forehead. An oxygen cannula tucked into his nostrils and wrapped around his ears, IV cannulas had been inserted in both his arms and lines of fluids and meds were hung up on a pole behind him. His left wrist was elevated on a pillow and wrapped in what looked like an ice pack, and finally his index finger on his right hand was host to an oximeter that fed back to a monitor by his bedside.

"Hey!" A familiar smile appeared on Tyler's face as he noticed them, and Josh's fears melted away.   
"Hey bud, wow, they've done a good job of tying you down, haven't they? Any conceivable way I could get a hug?"  
"Hahaha yeah course," Tyler laughed then lifted up his right arm and Josh leant down and carefully but warmly squeezed his best friend. Once he let go and sat on the seat next to him, Jenna took her turn, but rather than a hug, she put her hand on his shoulder then placed a soft kiss on his forehead. When she stepped back to sit down as well, Tyler gave Josh a tiny but ecstatic flash of a grin, and he had to suppress a laugh.

"Thank you so much for waiting,"  
"As if I'd be anywhere else." Josh relaxed into his chair.   
"That's why I decided to get readmitted, I figured you hadn't been here for a while, probably missing those plastic chairs and the lukewarm drinks and your favourite 4 slides repeating on the information screen. I mean really I've done you a favour, don't want you getting homesick for your second home."  
"Thanks Ty, very considerate of you. Idiot."

"How are you feeling?" Jenna chose to ignore their banter, which made them both smile.   
"Better, yeah, much muuuch better." Tyler said and Josh believed him. "Still not 100% but I'm getting there."  
"Any idea how long they're gonna keep you for?"  
"Well they've got me hooked up to this sexy contraption for the next 24 hours, but, as long as nothing happens during that time, I should be free to go tomorrow."

"I was gonna say, that is a veerrryyy sexy bit of kit." Josh teased.   
"It's all the rage these days."   
"Look like Elliot."  
"Elliot?" He echoed with a small frown.   
"From ET,"   
"Huh?"  
"ET's best friend, near the end, when they're both in the tents and all the doctors are trying to save them and they're covered in wires and stuff." Jenna caught onto Josh's train of thought. "I see it. You guys are practically twins."  
"Exactly!"

"Well if I'm Elliot, which one of you is ET?" Tyler yawned then fiddled with his oxygen.  
"Ooh I dunno, two best friends with a special bond in which they share everything with one another? Feel everything the other feels? Care enough about each other to risk everything? Practically inseparable? Hmm, I don't know, who does that remind me of?" Jenna shrugged playfully and Josh winked at Tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent Christmas in hospital, which was about as fun as it sounds. How was everybody else's Christmas? Xx  
> Love you all x


	18. Chapter 18

"Morning Kelly, morning Ty, morning Chris." Josh sang tunefully as he waltzed into the hospital room the next morning.   
"Hey kiddo, what's got you so happy?" Chris smiled as he sat up a little straighter on the chair that he had clearly slept on overnight. On the other side of Ty's hospital bed was a small temp mattress that Kelly had been spoilt with, but the mother had folded up her blanket and migrated to a chair next to her son too.

"Permission from my principal to skip school and spend the day with my best bud, what's not to be happy about?" He grinned as he placed a basket of fresh pastries on Tyler's little table. "Croissants, Danishes and pain au chocolat, lovingly handmade by some nameless and most likely poorly paid employee of an unremarkable mass production manufacturer - enjoy."  
"Oh bless you Josh, you shouldn't have." Kelly ignored his pointless comment as she stood up and took one for herself, but it at least earned a small smirk off Tyler.

"It's no bother. Hey, did you know that over 50 million croissants are eaten in France every single week?" He shared and she laughed then pulled him into a hug as she went back to her seat, keeping her croissant out of the way as she squeezed then pressed a kiss onto his forehead.   
"Ah Josh, I have missed you sweetheart."

Even though Josh had still been going round to their house often, he knew exactly what she meant. What with Tyler being unwell of late and some of his own time taken up by Dale, he had spent less time hanging around their house. And he had to admit it, he missed his best friend's parents too.

"Love ya Momma Joseph."   
"Love you too." She blew him another kiss after sitting down. "Ty, you want some breakfast babe?"   
"Yeah please, I got my eye on that Danish actually."  
"This one?" His dad scooted forwards and pointed.  
"Yep,"  
"You got it." Chris proceeded to carefully remove one of the red and white checkered napkins from the bottom layer of the basket to function as a plate to stop crumbs getting in his bed, then put the pastry on top and passed it across to his son. Josh smiled, loving how loving Ty's parents were. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his dad, 4, 5 days maybe? The last conversation they had was closed to 4 or 5 weeks.

"Thaaank you," Tyler's grin grew as he brought the delicious treat up to his lips and took a huge bite.   
"Is that pretty little thing of yours coming in today too? Jenna?" Chris asked.   
"She's not mine Dad, and I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate you calling her that, so stick to her name please? But no, she's got school, however I said I'd call her when I get discharged because she might come round this evening and visit me at home if that's okay with you guys?"  
"Sorry kiddo, I meant no offence by it, and yeah I'm sure that's okay, but you'll have to check with the boss."   
"Mom?"  
"We'll see poppet, I've got no objections in principal, but let's just wait and see how things work out. If we go home today and if you've got enough energy and if you're still feeling up to it then definitely she can come round, but if we need to stay here for another day or if you just crash when we get back then obviously it'll be a no."  
"Okay, fair enough."

"What's the latest goss? They kicking you out?" Josh asked with a mouthful of pastry.   
"He was good as gold over night, sats dropped a little this morning but nothing too concerning and the doctor doesn't seem worried. Providing all the scans come back normal, I don't see why they wouldn't discharge us today." Kelly reported and Josh nodded along.   
"You're feeling good, aren't ya Ty?" His dad checked.   
"Yeah yeah, really good, wrist hurts but other than that, I've got no complaints." Tyler smiled.

"Just thinking ahead about your wrist darling, do you think you're gonna be able to push with it once you're allowed back in your chair? I can imagine that being quite painful." His mom frowned a little.   
"I, I dunno, but it's only a bruise so it won't be for long, it'll heal quickly."  
"And in the mean time, I'll be your personal chauffeur." Josh offered with a smile whilst brushing the flakes of pastry he'd caught back into the basket.

"Speaking of chauffeurs, since you're not driving him, don't suppose you know how Zack got to school this morning do you Josh?"  
"Oh I gave him a lift still, yeah, since I have to drive past your house on the way to the hospital anyway, I figured why not pop in. So I went and saw the littleones, Maddy says hi by the way and she's the reason the basket is missing a few pain au chocolat, and I drove Zack to Tatum's and they're walking the rest of the way together."  
"You're a star Josh, you know that? A star." Kelly shook her head in awe.   
"Ah it's nothing."   
"What would we do without you, hey?"  
"Well luckily you'll never have to find out. Once Ty pops off to college next year, I'll move into his old room, become your live-in maid."  
"Sounds good to me Josh, sounds good to me." She laughed.

 

 

  
Even though Tyler was in hospital, the world kept spinning and that meant that his dad still had to go into work not long after Josh arrived. The advantage of Mom working a part time job from home was that she could be much more flexible with her day, and of course prioritised being with her son and his best friend. Much to Tyler's relief. He still hated hospitals and feared being left alone, but perhaps the two most important people in his life knew that and so ensured he was constantly distracted.

"Are you going to this winter ball thing they're having at school Josh?" Mom said and Josh hummed for a minute then shrugged.   
"I haven't bought a ticket, so as it stands, nah, but if someone's desperate for me to go then I'll tag along. Sarah's selling the tickets so I'm sure she'd be able to hook me up last minute."  
"There's no girl you've got your eye on and wanna ask to be your date then?" She asked and Tyler wasn't sure whether to stand up for Josh or let the comment slide, but Josh came to his own defence before he could make a decision.

"Guy or girl, guy or girl, I'm open to either." He smiled softly and Tyler's heart swelled with pride. "But no, not in school. There's this guy from the coffeehouse, Dale, and things have been going really well between us recently, so I haven't really been interested in anyone at school."  
"And there's no way Dale could be your date to the dance?"  
"I'm not sure what the policy is on bringing date's who aren't part of the school body, but to be honest, he gets surprisingly anxious about those sort of things and I don't think it's worth making such a bold statement."

"I'm pretty sure you would be allowed, I know Spencer is bringing Linda from his street and she doesn't go to school with us. Plus Pat and Pete are going so it's not like you'd be the only same sex pairing." Tyler told him. "But if you don't want to then fair enough."  
"I'll talk to Dale because obviously I do wanna support Sarah and she's worked so hard to make it perfect, but unless he's really eager, I'm not gonna put him through it."

"Has he got anxiety then Josh?" Mom asked and Tyler fiddled with an itchy spot of glue on his scalp, then looked at his best friend as he answered.   
"He gets anxious, but he's not got the condition no. I think he's just naturally very funny but also quite a closed person and uses it as something to hide behind in social situations, and so when he's in situations where he's got to be quite serious, he clams up a bit. It's not to the extent where it's completely debilitating, but as his boyfriend I obviously want him to be as comfortable as possible and I don't think he would be in a formal room full of strangers."  
"That makes sense. You seem to know him really well."  
"It's quite a change from how things started." Tyler smirked and Josh laughed, but thankfully Mom didn't enquire any further than a raised eyebrow.

"As long as you're happy Josh, that's all that matters."  
"I am, thank you."

"And how about you mister, still insisting you're not going?" She smiled at Tyler.   
"Yep."  
"Even now that you and Jenna have got closer? She could be your date if you went?"  
"I can't dance Mom, she'd have a horrible time, she probably wouldn't even want to go with me-"  
"Pff," Josh scoffed. "Sorry, sorry, it's just that she calls me or texts me pretty much everyday gushing over you. Trust me, she'd say yes."  
"Darling, it's pretty obvious that she's falling pretty fast for you." Mom agreed.   
"And if it was a formal with a dinner then I'd love nothing more than to be her date, but it's not, it's a dance, and I can't dance."  
"Ty, you seriously think anyone in our group can dance?" The yellow haired teen grinned and Tyler had to admit that he was right, but knew that Josh understood what he was trying to say.

"They can all at least just slow dance awkwardly, Jenna and I would be sat at the side ostracised from everyone else."  
"Tyler babe, people in wheelchairs can still dance." Mom loved her inclusive positive narrative.   
"Not with injuries as high up as mine."  
"Yes with injuries as high as yours and even higher. We can do some research together if you want, see if there's anything on YouTube? I'm sure people will have gone through this before." She suggested but he wasn't feeling it.  
  
"The idea alone makes me feel really anxious and insecure, please Mom, drop it?"  
"Okay darling, sorry, I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into doing something you're not comfortable with, I just want you to know that nothing's impossible and we can always find a way - but only if that's what you want."  
"Thank you." Tyler was too tired to verbalise his depressive recital of doors that were closed to him.

"We'll have a low key night, you, me, Jenna, Dale. Sit around, eat Mexican food, binge watch something." Josh filled the brief silence. "Forget about dinner jackets and ball gowns, we'll have a PJ party."  
"Sounds lovely guys, you can do it in our front room if you want, move around all the furniture and what have you. Dad and I can take the kids and spend the night at Granny's house to give you some space."  
"Who's gonna help me with my night and morning routines if you're away?"  
"I will." Josh smiled.   
"What about Dale though? Won't you want to be cuddled up rather than doing my meds and physio?"  
"I'm sure he can make small talk with Jenna for as long as it takes us to get you sorted Ty, don't worry about that, okay?"  
"And I could always stay home but keep hidden away upstairs until you need me babe." Mom gave an alternative solution but Tyler couldn't see either working.

"You three can have a slob night some place else, I'll just stay home."  
"Tyler I want to spend time with you." Josh didn't hesitate.   
"I'm tired of complicating everyone's plans."

"You're in a bad mood today, aren't ya mister?" Mom sighed. "Overtired? Health anxiety?"   
"I have clinical depression." Tyler said dryly, staring up at the ceiling.   
"Did you get your fluoxetine today?"  
"No."  
"Okay, want me to go and find a nurse to get you your dose? It's definitely in your notes, they should have given you it this morning."  
"Mom, it's one antidepressant, missing it is not the reason I feel shit, I feel shit because I'm a burden-"  
"Oi, what have I told you about that word?" His mom didn't blink as she rushed to remind him of the conversation they had periodically. As comforting as the words were in the short term, actions spoke louder.

"Not wanting to go to a sleepover or the Snow Ball doesn't make you a burden Tyler,"  
"It's not about the dance Mom! Everyone in church saw me FITTING!" Tyler suddenly cried out and before he knew what was happening, tears were streaming down his cheeks and his teeth were gritted as he sobbed. It had come out of nowhere and yet it felt like the wall of the dam had finally cracked and a huge gushing flood of anxiety was exploding outwards.

All he wanted was to curl up in a little ball and hide under the sheets until it was all over, but his paralysed legs wouldn't curl no matter how much he begged them to, and all the wires and tubes constricting his head and upper body were suddenly suffocating and smothering and he couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

"Hey hey hey, baby, baby calm," Mom leapt up and immediately started wiping the tears with her thumbs, the caressing his cheeks in a motion that was supposed to be soothing but really increased the panic notions of being trapped. She blocked his view of the ceiling by kissing him on the forehead and there was no escape. There was no way out and he was sinking fast.

Out of the corner of his blurry squinted eyes he could just about make out Josh's concerned expression, and Tyler desperately wanted to communicate the terrifying drowning sensation to his best friend but was suddenly startled into harder sobs by the sounding of several alarms. He knew exactly what the alarms were - heart monitor alarms. His heart was pounding far too fast and he was breathing much too shallowly to force enough oxygen into his blood so his sats were falling too and everything was spiralling out of control and he was dying.

"Alright Mr Joseph, my name's Nurse Moss, can you tell me what's happened?" Someone jogged in and silenced the alarms. "Mom, has he had another seizure?"  
"No," she answered.   
"Okay. Are you having chest pains Mr Joseph?" The unfamiliar voice asked as the head of the bed was lowered so he was laying flat, and Mom's hands moved from his cheeks to his right hand, squeezing tightly. Far too tight, far too encompassing, far too restrictive.

"N-n-no," Tyler managed to gulp between sobs.   
"He gets panic attacks." Mom told the nurse softly.   
"Okay, are you having an attack now Tyler?"  
"Y-y-y-y,"  
"Breathe sweetheart," his mom interrupted his tearful stammers and he didn't even bother trying to finish the word as he wept.   
"Your mom's right, take some long slow deep breaths - I'll fix your oxygen so we can get those sats back up." The nurse reached down and started moving the prongs of the cannula back into his nostrils after they'd slipped a little, and, even though he knew the oxygen would help, the idea of having something crammed into his nose was enough to make him choke out desperately and attempt to turn away from her smothering hands.

"He's claustrophobic." Josh connected the dots. "He needs space, please, could you both step back for a moment?"  
"Josh is right, can we get any of these wires off him?" Mom asked the nurse after taking a stride away from the bed.   
"The EEG needs to stay on for another hour until it's completed, but we could give the fluids a break and unhook them, move the pulse oximeter probe from his finger to his toe, and, if his sats improve, we could trial him off the oxygen for a stretch of time."  
"Did you hear that baby? Nurse Moss is going to make this a bit easier for you, just concentrate on those long breaths for me. In 2 3 4, out 2 3 4."

 

 

 

3 hours later, Tyler woke up with his head on Josh's chest. The more aware he became of his surroundings, the more he remembered how they had come to be. After his panicky episode, Josh had read him some poetry from the collection of safari bookmarks he'd made over the past few months, and his mom had spoken in a soft and gentle voice whilst telling stories of him and his siblings from when they were younger. Then the EEG tech came in and used acetone to unstick the sensors from his head at long last. The smell made Tyler feel a little light headed and the large quantities of remaining glue in his hair was itchy and uncomfortable, but he felt incredibly relieved to finally be free of the system.

A doctor said he needed to be observed for another 4 hours and then he could be discharged if he went without a seizure, and so Josh had climbed into the huge hospital bed with him and they'd snuggled up and watched the first 20 minutes of ET before both drifting off to sleep in each other's embrace.

Tyler was calm at first, finding comfort in the loving way he was being held, but anxiety quickly seized control when he realised that his mom wasn't there with them. A few panicky twists of his head and then he saw a post it note stuck on the side of the monitor closest to him.

Ty + J,  
You look very cute! I've gone for some fresh air and to call Jay and Maddy to ask how their day at school was. I won't go far I promise.   
Love,  
Mom xx

Even though it offered an explanation, Tyler still felt uneasy and recognised that the feeling could quickly turn to panic all over again, so he turned to his most reliable support system.

"Josh, Josh?" He whispered loudly.   
"Huh?" Josh woke up immediately but took a few seconds to soak in what was going on around him. "Ty? You okay?"  
"I feel one starting again."  
"A seizure? Or a panic attack?"  
"Panic,"  
"Okay, do you feel claustrophobic again? Should I get up?"  
"No. Stay with me." Tyler didn't hesitate and his best friend pulled him closer against his chest and briefly kissed his head.

"I'm not going anywhere bud, I've got you, yeah?"  
"Yeah," he sniffed.   
"You're safe, you're healthy, you're protected. You're okay." Josh hummed reassuringly. "Do you want me to read some more poetry? Or do you wanna talk? Or just hug?"  
"Hug,"  
"Okay,"  
"And talk."   
"Course."

"I, I, I hate it here."   
"I know Tyler, I do too."  
“Why did they have to bring me here after the crash? It was the other side of Columbus, I was airlifted, we flew over the palm hill hospital! Why, wh-why did they have to bring me here?! Now every time I drive past or I have to come in, I have to relive waking up broken.” He teared up and Josh listened patiently.

“They’ve got the helipad, and the spinal chord specialist.” Josh replied with a logical answer, but knew Tyler wasn’t after logic. “But I completed agree that it’s really shitty to constantly be reminded of that day every time you go to Walmart, however you’re getting better and better at dealing with it. For months we couldn’t even drive down this street without you getting worked up, and now you manage it with only a few intentional deep breaths. It’s getting easier to cope with, and it’s going to continue to get easier as more and more time goes by and your anxiety and confidence improve. It’s not always going to be such a huge trigger for you.”

“I’m tired of feeling like this,” Tyler wanted to wipe a tear off his cheek but didn’t want to move from Josh’s embrace.   
“Anxious?”  
“Anxious and scared and ashamed and embarrassed all the time.”  
“Ty, you’ve got nothing to feel embarrassed about.”  
“Everyone in church yesterday, they saw me.”  
“You were unwell, it’s not your fault, they understand.”  
“When I came round, everyone was staring at me.”   
“I should imagine they were trying to help you Tyler, they were concerned and wanted to make sure you were okay.” Josh said supportively.

“People in school are going to be talking about me.”   
“All the guys were at the park though Ty, they didn’t know what happened, they didn’t see,”  
“Not them, the football team.”  
“Huh?”  
“Half the frickin football team were still there when I woke up. Jack was kneeling right by my head and everything.”   
“Trying to help you, right?” Josh frowned a little.   
“I think so, I don’t really remember, but I can just tell already that they’re gonna mock me when I go back to school.”  
“They won’t,”  
“They will! Don’t you remember what they did when that epileptic freshman had a seizure in the canteen? They twitched whenever she walked past and they were always putting impressions on Snapchat and calling her names and flashing their phones at her to try and make her have another one. She ended up transferring it got so bad, and now that’s gonna be me.”

“It won’t, you know why? Because they respect you.” Josh said and Tyler literally scoffed. “I’m serious. It’s a stupid system, I know, I hate it, but they barely knew that girl and she was younger and an easier target. You on the other hand, they all loved you when you played basketball, admired you in fact, and then when the accident happened and everyone found out you were in ICU, there was none of that mocking bullshit, people were genuinely worried and my phone was constantly filled with questions about you, including from the football team. Tyler, your reputation is not as some weak cripple who’s an easy bullying victim, your reputation is one of strength. People look up to you, whether you choose to believe it or not.”

Tyler wanted to trust his best friend, he did in every other aspect, but the idea of being some kind of role model was so foreign and unrealistic that he struggled to come to terms with it. Instead, he stayed silent and nestled closer.

“A few people might say something, but it won’t be teasing, it’s going to be along the lines of asking if you’re okay and what happened. Nosey is inevitable, and you can either tell them the truth, which is that you weren’t very well due to things outside of your control, or you can exercise your absolute right to simply say that you’d rather not talk about it. Either is fine.”  
“Yeh,”  
“And if anyone says anything that makes you feel even remotely uncomfortable, you come tell me.”  
“Then what, you beat them up?” Tyler sniffled softly and Josh laughed.   
“I mean I wasn’t planning on, but if that’s what my boy wants, then that’s what my boy get. Now all I’ve gotta do is learn how to fight.” He chuckled. “But seriously, tell me and I’ll have a word.”  
“Thank you.”  
“No worries.”

“I just, euugh,” Tyler struggled to explain himself. “I don’t wanna go to this dance and I don’t wanna go back to school and I don’t even know if I wanna go out with Jenna anymore.”   
“Jen? Why not?”  
“Because of stuff like this, complications like this, they happen all the time and they’re bound to keep happening and I just don’t think it’s fair to make her have to deal with me and my messed up physical health and mental health too. It’s hardly going to be a fun relationship if it’s just her constantly having to look after me.”   
“Don’t you think that’s her decision to make though, not yours?”   
“What do you mean?”  
“Well surely it should be up to her to decide whether she thinks she can handle the undeniable complexities that would come with a relationship.” Josh said and Tyler took a moment to consider it.

“And perhaps she’s already made her decision.”  
“But that was different, when we went on that date she didn’t know that I’d be having seizures the next week.”  
“Maybe somebody’s best friend already had a conversation with her, warned her of potential hurdles, and she properly contemplated the situation and yet still didn’t change her mind.”  
“Josh, what are you saying?”  
“I’m saying that on Saturday I spoke on the phone to Jenna about this exact subject, and I told her the brutal extremes of how hard this can get for you and consequently for those who love you. I wasn’t trying to sabotage anything for you Ty, but I wanted her to know what she was getting into, and yeah, I’ll admit, I did try to scare her off a little bit. But I only did it because I wanted to know that she would be able to cope, and you know what? She did amazing. She got a bit upset but that way I knew she was taking me seriously, and she took some time to think about it but in the end she decided you are worth it.” Josh told him, and it made him cry a mixture of scared and happy tears.

“She saw something that you never do. She saw the pros of a relationship with you, whereas you only ever see the cons. Tyler, you’re not just some black cloud hanging over our lives, you’re a best friend, a brother, a son, maybe a boyfriend pretty soon, and you bring more to the table than a complex medical history. I’ve told you a million times and I’ll tell you a million more if that’s what it takes, because you are so much more than a wheelchair.”

“And I know you’re scared, I know it’s an unknown situation and quite daunting, but you have support from every angle. We can help you do this, help you get to a place where you’re happy, but you have to stop putting yourself down at every opportunity because you’ll never achieve your potential if you constantly hold yourself back. You don’t need to attempt to protect us from you, you don’t need to push us away, you don’t need to push Jenna away. We’re all in your life because we choose to be, so please, accept our choice whether you understand it or not, and stop worrying about the impacts of your injury. It’s a small part of a very interesting and varied individual, and it’s not right to constantly be focused on it. So please Ty, I know you’re scared, but don’t throw away things with Jenna? I honestly think it offers you the chance to experience so many amazing emotions and create so much happiness for her and for you. I want that for you. Please? Don’t give up on this so early into the race? Pursue her and the solace she offers.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovebugs,  
> Sorry updates and comment replied have been so inconsistent recently, but I’m unfortunately not very well. I am in a safe psych hospital where I’m being looked after round the clock, but that I’m no way means my issues have been cured. I’m doing my best to get better, and hopefully things will even out with regards to my updates soon, but in the mean time, thank you for being so patient xx  
> Maisie x


	19. Chapter 19

“Josh!” Someone called his name from the hall and the group waited for the baseball player to catch up.   
“Hey Antony,”  
“How’s Tyler? I heard about what happened in church.”   
“He’s doing much better, just a kidney infection with complicated symptoms.”  
“Is he gonna be alright?”  
“Yeah yeah,”  
“Pass on my well wishes?”  
“Course.”  
“Thanks Josh.” He flashed a quick smile then jogged back to his group and left Josh, Brendon and Pete to continue walking to the canteen.

“You owe me 10 bucks.”   
“Dude no way, that was only the fifth guy,” Brendon protested.   
“Yep, and the bet was that at least five people would ask me between English and the canteen, that’s five, hand over the money.”  
“At least five doesn’t mean five, it means six,”  
“What the hell? Can you speak English?” Pete mocked him as Josh laughed.   
“At least five means five is the minimum. I got the minimum, so I won the bet.” Josh insisted but before Brendon could argue, there was another call, that time from a junior called Harry.

“Josh, hey, can I ask you something?”  
“Sure, what’s up?” He already knew the answer.   
“I heard from Steve who heard from Jake who went to church on Sunday that Tyler was vomiting blood and having a seizure for like 20 minutes after the service - is he okay?”  
“That’s just a tad on the exaggerated side, he didn’t throw up at all and the episode was only 3 minutes, but yeah, he’s doing really well,”  
“Is he in hospital?”  
“He’s been discharged so he’s back home now,”  
“What happened to him?”  
“He’s got a kidney infection, nothing sinister, he’ll most likely be back in school tomorrow.”  
“Really?”  
“Hopefully.”  
“Oh, okay, cool - well tell him I said get well soon.”  
“I will, thanks Harry,”  
“Bye,”   
“Bye,”

“Now you definitely owe him the money.” Pete laughed as the three friends finally arrived into the busy cafeteria. “And you’re gonna have to start recording all these messages Josh.”  
“Pfff, you underestimate my memory.”  
“Yeah Pete, you’re talking to the guy who can regurgitate a fact on literally anything. I’m sure he can handle 6 people saying get well soon.” Brendon agreed as they walked over to an empty table and sat down.

“Anything you reckon?”  
“I mean maybe not aaaanything,” Josh gave himself a little leeway.   
“Quick fire round!” Brendon bellowed.   
“Oh gawd, alright, go on then, get it over and done with.”  
“Toilets.” Pete went first.   
“Easy. The first American film to show a toilet being flushed on screen was Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.”  
“Toilets? What kinda lame shit you on? Tell me something about sex. Something I don’t already know, which is a challenge.” Brendon took his turn with a wink that Josh laughed at.   
“Urmm, a kangaroo-“  
“Has 3 vaginas, boring, something else.”   
“The oldest condom ever found was from the 1640s and made of fish intestines.”   
“Excuse me??” Sarah sharply inhaled as she arrived at the table with Jenna by her side.

“Hey beautiful,” Brendon stood up and slotted his arms around her waist then quickly kissed her lips. “You’ll have to excuse Josh, he was just telling us about his fish fetish.”  
“I’m not even going to justify that with a response.” She laughed. “I’m starving, come get some food with me babe?”  
“Course.”  
“Pick me up something too Bren.” Josh told him.   
“What, fish?” He snickered like it was the funniest thing he’d ever said, and Sarah just tutted and cuddled closer to his side.   
“No, you idiot, like something to pay off the $10 debt you owe me.”  
“Fiiiinneeee,” he groaned and started walking towards the hatch.   
“Wait up wait up,” Pete scrambled to climb off his seat and chased after them, leaving Jenna to sit down next to Josh.

He wouldn’t describe Jenna as a particularly flamboyant person, but today especially she seemed shy and meek. She fiddled with her sleeves anxiously and didn’t seem sure of any action she took, and Josh understood why.

“Are you feeling okay?” He asked gently.   
“Yeah yeah, just, uh, just didn’t sleep great.”  
“Sorry to hear that. Up thinking about things?”   
“Thinking about him,” she smiled down at her nails softly, then made eye contact with him whilst shrugging. “I dunno, I really like him, and yeah, kept thinking about things.”  
“It’s healthy to think about things, but not so much if it’s inhibiting your ability to sleep Jen.”  
“I know.” She sighed deeply.

“Couldn’t stop picturing him in hospital, with all those wires. Some reason it kept creeping into my mind.”  
“Were you worried?”   
“Naturally,” the blonde whispered. “I know, um, I know that it’s all explainable and hardly dangerous and the doctors treated him and he’s strong enough to beat the infection, but, I can’t explain it really, I just get this sinking feeling whenever my mind decides to flash the image of him looking so vulnerable and sick.”  
“Yeah,” he listened closely with a slight frown.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying this to you of all people, I mean you had to see him in the coma for all that time, with the tube down his throat, and you’ve been best friends forever. Meanwhile I’ve barely known him 5 minutes and it was only a handful of sensors. I shouldn’t make a fuss.”   
“No no, it’s comforting that you’re worried in a way, it shows me how much you care, which is important to me.” Josh reassured her.

“But please Jenna, don’t interpret that as me telling you that you need to constantly be worrying about him, because that’s going to lead to you getting really sick, which is the last thing I want. I can see how much you care, it’s just gonna take a little while for your faith in his ability to heal to arise. Trust me, I get it, sometimes my faith flickers and I ask myself whether he’s gonna be able to win the battle, but he always pulls it out of the bag in the end. You haven’t been around to see him succeed when he comes face to face with these complications, but eventually you’re going to see him kick so much butt that you’ll never doubt him again, I promise.”

 

 

  
“Sorry darling, sorry, I don’t wanna have to wake you up either,” Mom softly stroked Tyler’s hair as he blinked heavily and tried to absorb what was going on. “We’ve gotta do your antibiotic, can’t miss a dose, but then you can go straight back to sleep baby,”

Tyler wanted to yawn but first had to fumble with the CPAP mask that forced air into his semi-functioning lungs. In his exhausted yet rushed attempt, he made no progress, but Mom immediately noticed and pulled it from his face for him, switching it off and setting it aside.

“Take a moment to wake up poppet,”  
“What time is it?” His voice was deep and gravelly.   
“Just gone half 9. Josh came round for breakfast earlier and I was going to come in and check whether you wanted to try half a day at school today, but you were fast asleep darling and I decided it probably wasn’t the best idea anyway. So Josh is gonna talk to Special ed and let them know you’re out of hospital but need to take a day or two to settle before we think about getting you back into school.”  
“Okay, thanks,” Tyler yawned again.   
“Thank him, not me.” She smiled.

“How are you feeling?”  
“Head hurts,”  
“Right okay,”  
“Did I have any fits in the night?”  
“Nope, I slept in here with you the whole time and you were snug as a bug,” she said with a warmth of pride whilst smoothing his hair down repeatedly and lovingly. “I’ll give you some pain killers for your headache once you’re awake enough to safely swallow.”   
“Thanks,” his dry throat croaked.

“I had another nightmare,”  
“You did? Oh Ty, I’m sorry sweetheart. Was it the same one as you had the night before last?”  
“Yeh, well, kinda, it um, it didn’t start at the same place.”  
“So which parts?”  
“Um, I didn’t, I didn’t see the crash this time, it was just in the hospital, the whole dream was set in the hospital, and it was when I came out of the coma but my brain was really fuzzy and I couldn’t talk or move and I was just trapped inside my body and everybody was there with me but you were all crying and I couldn’t reassure you I was okay.”

“Were you scared?”   
“Yeah,” he admitted.   
“Darling.” She pulled a sad sympathetic face, then kissed him on the forehead. “But what do we remind ourselves after a flashback or a nightmare?”  
“That was the past, this is the present.”  
“And?”  
“And I’m safe now.”  
“That’s right,” another sad smile.

“Should I get in touch with your old psychologist again? What was her name... Lindsey?”  
“Linda.”  
“Yeah that’s right, Linda, should I try and see if she’s got time for a few more sessions with you? Because the flashbacks and the panic attacks and the nightmares and the guilt have definitely been getting worse again lately.”  
“She’ll make me talk about it,”  
“Yeah she will babe,”  
“I don’t want to think about it, let alone talk.”  
“But Ty baby, you already are thinking about it, wouldn’t it be better to deal with it in a safe and controlled environment rather than these attacks?”  
“I, I, I’ll think about it,” he prayed she’d drop it.

“Do you know why it’s been happening so often recently? Or have a sneaky suspicion if you’re not confident enough to know for sure?”  
“I’ve not been feeling well recently, and uh, I guess Jenna too?”  
“Jenna? Why Jenna?”   
“Because, I, uh, I dunno, because she makes me think about stuff.”  
“Asks you questions you don’t want to answer?” She frowned.   
“No no,” he rushed to dismiss that idea, then was overcome with a small but giddy smile. “She just, I can’t help it Mom, I keep imagining a future with her, and that inevitably makes me think about the past.”

“That sounds like a positive thing baby, so we’ve got to make sure it actually is positive, yeah?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Well you’re falling in love Ty, and yes, that’s terrifying, but it’s also the most amazing thing you’ll ever experience and we’ve got to make sure that the amazingness of the situation outweighs the inevitable difficulties. Right now it seems to me like the scary stuff is taking over your thoughts, so we’ve gotta ensure you feel all the happiness too, yeah?”  
“Yeah,”

“Do you want to invite her round?”  
“She has school.”  
“I know, I meant for dinner?”  
“Tonight?”  
“Yeah,” she smiled, but Tyler was distracted by his Dad yelling outside his room.

“WHEN THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?! HE WAS FITTING!”

“Ty, Ty ignore him,”   
“What’s going on?”  
“Nothing,”  
“Mom,”  
“He’s just on the phone with the health insurance people, don’t worry about it Ty,”   
“Are they charging us for my admission?”  
“No no,”  
“Mom just tell me,”  
“It’s nothing for you to worry about baby, leave it to us,”  
“Mom please,”  
“The ambulance sweetie, they’re trying to bill us because we didn’t call them to preapprove it, but don’t worry, you’re dad’s sorting it all out and it’s going to be fine,”

“How much?”  
“Tyler that’s not for you to be concerned about.”  
“Mom I need to know,”  
“Why do you need to know? Huh?”  
“I just, eugh, please Mom,”   
“You want to know because you want a reason to feel guilty, when in actual fact you have absolutely no blame on you at all.”  
“It’s my fault though!”  
“What, that you had a seizure?”  
“I had the seizure because I got an infection and I got an infection because I can never be bothered to clean my catheter site. So yes, it is my fault.”  
“Tyler Robert I’m in charge of your care, okay? Not you, me. It’s my responsibility to look after you and your siblings, and I neglected to realise that the current system hasn’t been working. That’s on me, not you.”

“I DON’T HAVE 2 THOUSAND DOLLARS SPARE! WHAT PART OF THAT DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

“2 grand,” Tyler overheard and his eyes started filling with tears.   
“Tyler.”

“BECAUSE I HAVE A SERIOUSLY DISABLED KID! HAVE NOT YOU GOT ANY IDEA WHAT KIND OF MEDICAL BILLS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALREADY?!”

“Right,” his Mom walked away from his bed and went out his door, whisper yelling to her husband. “Chris! You’re upsetting Tyler, he can hear everything you’re saying, so please love, just go outside to take the call. Thank you.”

By the time she made it back over to his bedside, the hot tears had already begun to run down his cheeks, and she grabbed a chair and tucked herself up close, then grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

“Tyler. You are not a burden, you are not responsible, you are not to blame, and this is not your fault.” She told him firmly.   
“Mom,”   
“I know you have a tendency to pin this all on you, but this isn’t your fault, this is because of the asshole who swerved in front of your father, and because God decided this was the route we needed to take. This was out of your control, and it’s not fair on anybody for you to attack yourself over this. So please sweetie, please, don’t allow your brain to convince you that any of this is a reason to feel guilty.”

“How, how bad is it?”  
“How bad’s what poppet?” She wiped his face with a gentle thumb.   
“The money situation,” Tyler whispered.   
“Tyler.”  
“Please,”  
“Okay fine, but sweetheart you have to understand that this is for Mom and Dad to think about, not you or your siblings, it’s Mom and Dad’s responsibility.”  
“I, I know,” he sniffed, heart pounding as his anxiety threw up notions of extreme debt all caused by bills for his equipment and appointments.

“We’re okay. We’re obviously not rich, but we’re also not broke, yes? Of course I’d feel more comfortable if we had a little extra cash, but it’s not your fault we don’t Ty. The disability payout from the government that we get to help us with your extra costs combined with the insurance covering nearly all your physio and meds means that you don’t cost us anymore than your siblings Tyler.”  
“I don’t?”  
“I haven’t sat down and done the math in a while, but no, not that I’m aware of. Your siblings, you know, they have basketball clubs and swimming and dance lessons and soccer club and academic tutors and karate lessons and this that and the other. It all adds up, and I wouldn’t be surprised if all those activities actually come to higher than your physio deductibles.”

“And you know Ty, one advantage of you not walking is that you get through shoes a hell of a lot slower than that brother of yours. 8 pairs of trainers he got through last season, 8!” She smiled and he laughed a little through his tears, which again she wiped away. “We’re okay Ty.”  
“Promise?”  
“Promise.” She nodded. “Granny’s got a Tyler fund for emergencies, which we’re yet to need, but if this insurance company is really going to bill us for this then all we lose is our pride, okay? We’re not about to take out some massive mortgage or loan or anything wild and scary like that, we just need your dad to ask his mom to give us a helping hand. That’s all.”

“And I know what you’re like mister.” Mom bopped him on the nose. “You’ve got a bad habit of overthinking absolutely everything.”  
“I know I know,”  
“Don’t add finances to your list of things to fret about when your mind is trying to cause trouble.”   
“I won’t, I, I’ll try not to,”  
“We’re getting by just fine, in fact I think we might even be able to find room in the budget to cover an extra portion of dinner tonight if you want to invite Jenna over.”   
“Thanks Mom,”

“Now come on you, we’ve got antibiotics to take and physio to do.”

 

 

  
“Jay, what did I tell you young man?! No playing in here, Jenna and Tyler are playing in here.” Kelly chased her youngest son into the front room.   
“But Moommm!”  
“Don’t ‘But Mom’ me mister, come on, out,”  
“Bye Jay,” Jenna laughed a little and waved as he stomped out with his mom playing shepherd from behind. She paused in the frame of the door and turned to speak to them.

“Ty, you need a hand transferring?”  
“I got it, thanks Mom,”  
“Okay darling, Jenna? Can I get you anything?”  
“No I’m okay thank you Mrs Joseph, and thank you again for dinner, it was delicious.”  
“Bless you sweetheart, right, I’m going to close this door so that none of the nosey little ones come snooping, but no funny business you two.”  
“I solemnly swear Mom.” Tyler teased her with the famous Harry Potter quote, and she just sighed and rolled her eyes then shook her head disproving and tutted whilst making eye contact with Jenna before leaving the two teens alone.

“Sorry about them,”  
“Don’t apologise, they’re great.” She smiled honestly as she sat down on the couch.   
“They’re so embarrassing,”  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Ty, I love your mom’s stories about you peeing on your aunt’s roses.” Jenna teased as she giggled and he went a little red in the face.

“Well next time we’ll have dinner at your place, and I’ll ask your mom all about your childhood, see how you like that.”  
“Ooh, next time? Who says there’s gonna be a next time?” She raised her eyebrows and his face suddenly drained. “Kidding, course, would be my pleasure.”   
“Don’t do that to me! I’m anxious enough as it is!”  
“Hahaha aw I’m sorry Ty, just teasing, sorry,”  
“S’okay,” he smiled at her, and they held the eye contact for a long handful of seconds, neither saying anything, both smiling giddily.

“Would it be okay if I sat next to you Jenna?” Tyler’s voice was softer when he broke the flirtatious silence, rawer even, and she’d by lying is she said she didn’t love it.   
“Please do.” She nodded. “Can you manage?”  
“We’ll see.”

She watched as he skilfully edged his wheelchair closer to the side of the couch, applied the breaks, then started unbuckling the copious amount of straps across his laps and shins. Jenna wasn’t sure whether to watch or look away, or what the protocol was exactly, but found herself looking up at a chair on the other side of the room which was clearly meant for Tyler. It too had straps and looked like it was tailor made for his body, and she hoped she wasn’t encouraging him to do something he shouldn’t be.

He’d made progress, finished with the ties, and had shuffled to the edge of the seating cushion and lifted his feet down onto the ground. She watched as he put one hand on the couch and then put all his energy into swinging across onto it, then turned his legs so they were facing a better angle before moving the wheelchair out of the way by tucking it as far as he could reach, ending by finally collapsing against the padded back of the sofa with a satisfied sigh.

“Trudy, my OT, she’ll be happy when I tell her I did that.”   
“Yeah bravo, very impressive.” She smiled, hoping it didn’t come across as condescending because she honestly meant it.   
“I’d say maybe, hmm, 1 in every 3 attempts I end up falling on the floor?”  
“Well I feel very privileged to have seen you not utterly fail.”  
“Why thank you Jenna.” He laughed. She loved the way he pronounced her name.

“Ty,”  
“Yeah?”  
“Can I ask a question? You don’t have to answer it.”  
“Ooh okay, you have my attention, go on.”  
“That’s your chair, right?” She pointed at the one she’d spotted earlier.   
“Right.”  
“It has straps, and your wheelchair, Susan, wait that’s her name right?”  
“Right again,” he smiled.   
“Well Susan has straps too, and yet you’re sitting here just fine without anything holding you up. What’s their purpose? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“It’s uh, it’s kinda a personal thing I guess? But I don’t mind explaining to you, just don’t, yanno, publish it in the school paper or anything.”  
“No no course not, it’s between you and me.” Jenna reassured him.

“So when I was younger, I had this ongoing feud with my parents over seatbelts. I was a pretty bratty tweenager, thought I knew better than everyone, specially my parents.”  
“Pretty much like every tween then?”  
“Yep pretty much.” He nodded. “We fought about a lot of stuff, doing homework, hanging out with Josh and the guys on school nights too often, going to bed too late, but the big one was seatbelts.”  
“Right,”

“I thought I was invincible, that nothing could touch me, and basically that I was too cool to care about safety, so I never wore a belt. My parents would fight me over it, we’d have stand offs in parking lots and the like, and sometimes I would be so stubborn that it would be 5 minutes before I finally bailed and buckled up, but even then I would put the strap behind my chest.”  
“Yeah,”

“Mom was incredibly strict on it, refused to start driving till I proved I was wearing a belt, but Dad was less harsh. He’d always tell me to do it, but if I kicked up too much of a fuss then he couldn’t be bothered to argue with me over it, so sometimes I got away with not wearing it. And one of those days was the day of the crash.”  
“Oh,” Jenna’s face washed with realisation.   
“The car flipped, and my dad and siblings obviously didn’t go without scrapes, but I flew out of my seat and whacked into the ceiling of the car and two of my vertebrates hit into each other and crushed my spinal chord between them. We rolled and I was thrown all over the place, broke far too many bones to list, got knocked out and hit my head a lot which added to the complications with my consciousness levels. So yeah, guess Mom was right after all.”   
“Mmm,”

“Then when it comes to the straps for Susan, and for that chair over there.” He pointed to the medical seat across the room. “There are some practical reasons I need them, especially if I’m moving around. I’m paralysed from here down.” Tyler then placed his finger just below where she knew his nipple most likely was. “So I don’t really have any core control or abs or anything, which means I do need a bit of help balancing and staying upright when there’s lots of movement, just to stop me flopping over or falling out.”  
“And would you need a belt over your lap, or higher?”  
“When I wasn’t very experienced, I needed one right up here.” Tyler gestured to the same place he had said the paralysis began. “But now as long as my lower back is connected to the back of the wheelchair, I’m okay,”  
“Right,”

“The ankle huggers on Susan are practical too. These bad boys have a tendency to flop around or fly off if they feel like it, they don’t really listen to me.” He explained about his thin legs, taking one limp knee in his hands and demonstrating by pushing it around without any resistance from the limb. “So those straps keep my feet where they’re supposed to be, but all the rest are ones I’ve requested.”  
“And why is that Ty?” She asked gently, knowing it was potentially upsetting territory.

“I just, I, I never want to be out of control again. That brief sensation of lurching before I got knocked out, it was the scariest moment of my life. Then when I was first learning to get around in rehab, I would fall all the time. Whenever we did sitting exercises, I’d topple over the moment any support was removed, and even to this day I often fall out of my chair a lot whilst trying to transfer. I can’t get up by myself, I can’t move, I’m essentially stuck on the ground until somebody comes and rescues me, which can be a while sometimes. So yeah, I guess you could say that all the straps are kind of like a safety blanket? They make me feel more relaxed because I’m not constantly worried about keeling over. Also it helps a lot with the guilt.”  
“Guilt?” Jenna echoed back quietly, not quite seeing how he had any reason to feel guilty.

“Guilt for not wearing my seatbelt that day. Maybe if I had, things would have worked out differently. Maybe Mom wouldn’t have to do so much for me, adapt everything for me. S’weird I know, but in my mind wearing belts now compensates for not back then - helps me feel better, like I’m actively working to ensure nothing bad like that can ever happen again and that might lower any resentment my mom feels towards me.”  
“Tyler,” she sighed sadly, brow creasing as she scoured his face, taking in every detail of the vulnerable expression and silently praying that she wouldn’t see it again any time soon.

“I don’t know what to say,”  
“Sorry, that, eugh, that was totally inappropriate for me to bring up, I went too deep, killed the mood, sorry.”  
“No no, don’t apologise, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about bringing it up, I’m just, I’m genuinely taken aback by the extent of how deeply significant everything is for you.”   
“How do you mean?”  
“I guess I just don’t think about things quite as deeply as you do?”  
“It’s a curse,” Tyler shrugged shyly.

“I mean the injury trickles down through everything, doesn’t it? It’s not as simple - sorry if this is offensive,” she thought aloud.   
“No go on,”  
“It’s not as simple as it looks on the surface, or you might presume as an outsider. Before I met you, I thought I kinda knew how being in a wheelchair impacts people, the stuff you see in the movies about not being able to get up steps at inconsiderate establishments, and losing your independence, and, and I dunno, but fairly obvious borderline cliches.”  
“Mmm,”

“I know I’ve barely scratched the surface, and I’m quite sure that I’m going to learn more and more from you, but even in these early days I can see how widespread this is. This is more than physically damaging, it’s taken a firm hold on your mental wellbeing too. It influences everything, from your relationship with seatbelts right down to what your best friend talks about. I mean without the crash, and the brain injury, and your memory issues, Josh never would have started learning all those little facts he’s obsessed with. It just sort of blows my mind that one event can literally change everything.”

“It can get overwhelming sometimes.” Tyler replied, scratching his jaw and not making eye contact, but still Jenna nodded. “Because you’re right, everything in my world has been altered by my injury, and a large chunk of it has been for the worse.”  
“Yeah,”  
“I’m not going to list everything, but I have lost a lot, I’ve lost my independence, and my ability to go to mainstream classes and get a normal high school diploma, and my basketball team with its potential for a scholarship, and a lot of my confidence and sense of self worth and friends and time and yeah, lots,”  
“Yeah,”  
“And then usually I bookend that by saying I’ve also gained a lot, gained new friends at rehab and wheelchair basketball club, gained a new perspective and appreciation for life, all of that spiel, but in all honesty it’s hard to focus on that when I’m so surrounded by loss.”  
“I can understand that.”

“Sometimes I do feel like I’m stuck in a state of mourning.”  
“For who you were? Or what you could have been?” Jenna asked softly.   
“It’s difficult to say really. I think I’m guilty of remembering the past with rose tinted glasses. Sometimes I get upset and I say things like I wish I could go back to before the crash, but the truth is that I was really unwell back then.”  
“With your depression?”  
“Yeah,” he nodded, playing with his overly peeled nail. “I was not in a good place. Josh remembers it better than I do, but there were a lot of negative thoughts, awful headspaces, unsafe behaviours and unsafe nights.”  
“Right,” Jenna listed closely, honoured to hear the private information he was trusting her with.

“I was depressed, and now I’m not so much plagued by the hopeless filter that was depression for me, it’s more a case of losing any confidence I had and losing what I thought was my place in the world and my identity.”  
“Yeah,”  
“I was the basketball kid. I was captain of the varsity team and we were on the path to state success, and I lived and breathed basketball. Every outfit was basketball gear, every day was basketball practice, my future plans all relied on basketball. So yeah, having that ripped from under me was incredibly destabilising for my mental health, but I am starting to reclaim and rebuild who I am again.”  
“Good.” Jenna smiled.

“It’s complicated, all shades of complicated, and I’m still figuring things out.”   
“But in a way that doesn’t make you all that different from the rest of us. Nobody’s got this thing cracked just yet, and even if they say they have, they’re wrong.”  
“Yeah,”  
“Self love takes time, years, so I wouldn’t be overly concerned that you haven’t got it pinned down yet.”  
“Yeah you’re right.” Tyler nodded with a genuine expression of contemplation, as though Jenna really was saying the right things, which only encouraged her to go on.

“Of course some people find the journey a bit harder for whatever reasons, but I can see you’re putting in the effort to counteract the things in your path.”   
“I’m trying to at least.”   
“Good,” Jenna nodded. “Do you see a therapist?”  
“Not currently. I did for a while, but right now Josh is stuck with me offloading whenever I need to voice my thoughts or whatever. And I guess you are too, congrats.”

Jenna laughed. Tyler had a way of finding the little strands of humour within the difficult topic in a manner of good taste, and she loved it about him.

“Well I see a therapist, I think everyone should, it’s someone whose job is literally just to listen to you ramble and moan for an hour a week. I don’t envy him.”  
“How come you see one? If you don’t mind my asking?”  
“No scary reason, no skeletons in my closet or anything, just felt like I needed someone to talk to about the bigger things in life, religion, cynical thoughts, purpose.”  
“Right.” Tyler listened closely.   
“I saw one, Dr Frank, in New York for the past 3 years, then I just started seeing a new guy here in Columbus a few days ago. He’s still digging for the ‘real’ reason I’m having therapy, but the honest truth is that I like having the chance every single week to just talk about what’s on my mind. Don’t get me wrong, everyone at school has been great, but lunchtime conversation is usually about boys or eyebrows, and it’s reassuring that for one hour I get to choose a topic and just run with it. Because believe it or not, there’s more going on up here than boys and makeup.” She tapped against her temple with one finger.   
“Wait, seriously? No way...” Tyler teased and she laughed.

“But I’m glad you have the confidence to do that, yanno, realise what’s in your best interest and then just do it without stressing what other people might think.”   
“Other people don’t have to deal with my brain randomly waking me up at 3am to remind me that I haven’t spent enough time researching cheese production today, they don’t get to tell me I’m too normal for therapy.” Jenna shrugged, followed by a toothy smile that only came out when she was comfortable.

“So how come you don’t see your therapist anymore?”  
“Because working through trauma sucks?” Tyler was honest with a slight tone of amusement that Jenna chuckled over.   
“I mean I can’t imagine it’s bags of fun, no,”  
“But I think I’m gonna call her later, see if she’s got any slots available,”  
“Oh yeah?”  
“Yeah,” he seemed proud of his decision, and Jenna was as well. “Life’s too short. Things don’t just go away by ignoring them, I’ve got to deal with it eventually, right?”  
“Yeah, gotta own your trauma rather than letting the trauma own you.” Jenna was speaking from a point of no expertise or experience, but it seemed right, and Tyler’s enthusiastic nodded suggested he certainly felt empowered by the idea.

“It might suck for a while, but eventually we’ll finish going through it and then I’ll have my time to talk about cheese production too.”  
“I do hope you’re not bullying me, otherwise Dr Frank 2.0 will be hearing aaaaall about you.” She tutted and he laughed.   
“What, you mean you haven’t already told him?” He raised an eyebrow suggestively, but he was far too adorable for her to take him seriously.   
“Nope. Save his time for a serious discussions on the topic of cheese production. I go to my b-rate therapist for relationship advice, the one and only Mr Joshua Dun, guru on all things Tyler related.”  
“Ahaha, that should be his Instagram bio. B-rate therapist and Tyler guru.”  
“He knows everything there is to know about you, comes in pretty handy.” Jenna admitted with another laugh, loving how her face ached from smiling.

“I heard he gave you a bit of a grilling the other day, tried to scare you off?”  
“Nah, grilling makes it sound harsh, he just shook the tree a little to see if anything would fall off. But I stuck these nails in and clung on for dear life, and I think it won me his seal of approval.”  
“Oh thank god for that, couldn’t do anything without my lord and saviour’s approval!”   
“You’re telling me that you’d still want to hang out with me even if Josh haaaated me?”  
“Hate you? Pff, inconceivable, nobody could hate you,” Tyler shook his head with a fond smile before looking up at her. “Impossible.”

There was something enticing about the odd blend of nerves and excitement radiating off of the person she was sharing the couch with. She would never claim to be particularly well versed in dating, but Tyler was quite obviously doing things for the first time, and it was adorable. Although adorable made it sound small, cute, sweet, when in reality Tyler was strong and fierce in his own battles, and Jenna could sense the determination within his battered frame.

Tension was the wrong word, it wasn’t true sexual tension, at least not in her opinion just yet, but there was definitely a kind of hankering that she could feel and would be lying if she denied loving it. Everyone loved to be loved, and it was an added bonus that she felt the same way in return. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey strangers! Long time no speak!  
> I apologise for my absence recently, I’ve been in hospital due to quite a severe lapse in my schizoaffective symptoms, however I’m pleased to share that I am making progress! I got discharged on the 29th and the last 2 weeks I’ve been focusing on settling back home safely 
> 
> So excited to share all my new writing with you guys! As well as working on this story and my DID sequel, I’ve also started two longer fics:  
> 1) a chronic illness story involving a service dog and Joshler slowburn which is currently 80000 words but will be much longer when I post  
> 2) a long instalment for the Unseen universe for Fear Will lose, telling the story of Tyler being discharged after his first Cygnet admission. This is clearly similar to my current situation and it’s very emotional for me to write, but I suspect it will be done soon! I think it will probably be 10 or 12 parts, and 8 are done so far, so it’s coming soon I promise. 
> 
> Thank you so much for sticking around during this rough patch, and it’s so awesome to be home just in time for the band’s return - loving this era already   
> All my love  
> Maisie


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